Do I have a drinking problem? The simple answer is no. But the more complex the-toddlers-are-always-watching answer could be perhaps?? Before we go any further, please note: I am in no way making fun of alcoholism. It's a disease, one that has punched people I love in the face, so don't think I'm ... » Learn More about Project Optimism: Mommy Juice
DIY
THIS is Why Parenting is So Hard
I was ready to wrap my daughter in shiny paper, slap a bow on her head, and ship her off to another family by way of FedEx today. Her antics in church resulted in my having to yank her from the pew and quarantine us in a separate room. She kept yelling "ELLA POTTY" and I didn't want people to think ... » Learn More about THIS is Why Parenting is So Hard
Calling All Weirdos
You ever pay attention to the search terms that result in people stumbling aimlessly upon your blog? I really haven't given them much thought...until today: How to establish yourself as a rapper. Finally, Kanye West is reaching out for help! It's his lucky day because I wrote a post about ... » Learn More about Calling All Weirdos
NaBloPoMo Me, Baby
Is it just me or does that sound dirty: NaBloPoMo? Just me, huh? I'm taking the plunge, people. I've signed on to participate in my very first BlogHer's writing challenge. This month's theme, risk, is one that I'm taking seriously. I'm doing all kinds of risky stuff. I didn't brush my hair ... » Learn More about NaBloPoMo Me, Baby
Inventions That Can Bite Me
I'm on the warpath today, friends. In the last 48 hours I have experienced such frustration with what most us of would consider "advancements" in technology, that I'm ready to throw in the techy towel. * Captcha. ENOUGH of this shit: I'm not a robot, I'm just not a human magnifying ... » Learn More about Inventions That Can Bite Me
I Got a Fever
If you're a fellow SNL groupie, you remember the epic "Cowbell" skit with Will Farrell's gut and Christopher Walken. If not, let me break you off a small piece of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjsUf_oIgp0 Hilarious, right?! Unfortunately, the cowbell can't cure my fever. And no, I am ... » Learn More about I Got a Fever
Project Optimism: Pennsylvania Dreamin’
My dream job, to write for Saturday Night Live, was sadly never realized. It probably has something to do with the fact that I've never lived in NYC, applied for the job, nor have any professional comedic writing experience. Let's not dwell, okay? Imagine my sheer surprise when Tina Fey contacted ... » Learn More about Project Optimism: Pennsylvania Dreamin’
My Crystal Ball
I'm sitting at my computer today, one eye on the screen, the other on my kids, and I can't help but melt over a conversation they are having at the breakfast table: Boy: You should put your milk in the refrigerator if you're done drinking it. Girl: Otay. Boy: You listen very well! I bet mom ... » Learn More about My Crystal Ball
Life Lessons from My Toddlers
As irrational, emotional, and bipolar-esque as they are, kids are twice as loving and affectionate. It's just the way toddlers are built: if they feel it, they share it. I think we could all learn a thing or two from being emotionally spontaneous like them, minus the public tantrums at Target. I ... » Learn More about Life Lessons from My Toddlers
Project Optimism: 40 Days and 40 Nights. I Can Do This.
Lent is a 40-day celebration of giving up sex and good food. Okay, so that's not exactly accurate. Lent is the 40 days leading up to Easter that commemorate the time Jesus spent in the desert, lured by Satan's constant temptation. I'm guessing that's why so many Christians give up desserts ... » Learn More about Project Optimism: 40 Days and 40 Nights. I Can Do This.