While on Pinterest looking up safe for pets and kids all-natural window cleaner*, I came across pins about running, being a runner, couch to 5K running, Fun Runs, Color Me a Runner runs, You Run, I Run, EVERYONE RUN!
Not interested, people. I’m here for vinegar-based cleanser** then I’m out.
**more Nutella recipes
Despite my recent attempts at living a healthier lifestyle***, I just can’t jump on the running bandwagon.
***a little Nutella never hurt anyone lay off
I’ve tried running…sort of. Ok, it’s not so much running as fast walking. Hey–at least I’m exercising right?! Maybe one day I’ll give real actual running a try, but until then, all I have are excuses…
10 Reasons I Don’t Run
1. A rabid animal is not chasing me.
2. I know of too many nipple chafing stories to expose myself to such madness.
3. I fall up the steps on a weekly basis, so I would probably kill myself if I ran.
4. I’ve yet to find my rhythm. And by rhythm, I mean if I can’t keep still enough to read a book while exercising, it’s just not for me.
5. You ever hear the sound my thighs make when they slap together? You don’t want me to run either, you just don’t know it yet.
6. PF doesn’t mean PF Changs in the running world; it stands for Plantar Fasciitis, so NO.
7. What’s the rush?
8. Running is trendy right now, and I am nothing if not the opposite of trendy. Non-modern? Un-stylish? Anti-hip? Yes, all of those things.
9. I’m all about that bass, no treble.
10. If I start running, I’ll lose all the weight that keeps me warm in the winter, and all of my friends will be like, “WHOA! You’re running? Who ARE you?” and they won’t recognize me and I’ll be sad because I’m friend-less and cold.
Are you a runner? Are you offended by this list? Stop it. I admire you and your sore knees, I really do, but not enough to lace up and take to the concrete. Also, do you need a blanket? Aren’t you cold?