Oversharing: The Time I Said the C-word at a School Assembly.

*Disclaimer: this post contains offensive language. Duh.*

I am an English teacher by trade (smack talker by nature) who worked in the Pennsylvania Public School System before opting to stay home and properly instill an appropriate dose of dysfunctional humor into my kids. Yes, long before I was screwing up my own offspring, I was screwing up other parents’. It worked out well. The career was solid; I loved going to work, I had a good rapport with my students and colleagues, and then one day I said the word cunt at a school assembly.

WAIT! Don’t leave!

Listen, I’m as vulgar as they come on a bad day. Even on a good day, I have been known to experiment with all of the wonderful ways a gal can use the F-word. I don’t blush at much, but that word, the C-word, is one that makes me wince. Yet, I said it loud and proud into a microphone at a school-wide assembly. That’s just how we do.

OversharingPresents.WCME

 

Our principals had organized an assembly to recognize our best students.  The term best was an umbrella that encompassed student athletes, those with special needs, those who maintained high honors, and more. The whole premise was enough to bring me to happy tears, and it made me so proud to be a teacher in that school to those students. Parents, school board members, and other community stakeholders were there in the front row, ready for the spotlight to shine on kiddos who rarely got to bask in its glow.

And then I ruined it with my potty mouth.

There I was in my fancy suit, among colleagues who were also some of my favorite people in the whole world, prepared to introduce a group of students whose stellar work ethic and commitment to academic excellence were to be commended. I cleared my throat, walked up to the microphone, and began:

 

“Good afternoon. We are here today to recognize the cuntless…………………..countless ways in which our students…”

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I could have announced the cure for cancer at that very moment, and no one would have heard a dang thing I said after dropping the C-bomb. I distinctly remember time stopping, a trickle of sweat rolling down my back into my buttcrack, and a collective gasp from the students who were seated behind me on the stage. One of them whispered, “Did she just say that?”

She sure did.

I looked into the crowd for support, or a bag to throw over my head, only to find my colleagues covering their mouths in shock. Eyes, wide. Deer in the headlights kind of thing.

And then the smiles, the giggles. One of my favorite dudes actually left the auditorium because he couldn’t hold it together. I imagine it was shortly after exiting the auditorium that he fired off the following email:

“Steph, we’re doing Happy Hour after work. If you’re hungry, I think the bar is running a special on cuntry fried steak.”

I don’t remember much else about the assembly, but I will never forget the looks of agony/embarrassment/amusement from the students and faculty as I completed the walk of shame back to my classroom. I think some of them actually felt bad for me because SERIOUSLY, who says that?! Though most just appreciated the fact that I had humiliated myself. If memory serves me, my principals sought me out later in the day just to see if I needed any support from a guidance cunteslor…

Fortunately, we were a small district, one with a good sense of humor, and I retained my job despite my snafu. But my pride? That’s long gone.

 

This story was originally published last February on WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion as one of the first Oversharing tales. Wanna get in on the action and Overshare some of your embarrassing moments? Check it out HERE!

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Comments

  1. Michael Barone says:

    Well, you were there to recognize the c*ntless…since it was the best of the best…I see no problem here :)

  2. Priceless. Absolutely priceless :-D

    I wish I had your oversharing courage. I think my followers would drop to single digit if I did lol

  3. I don’t get it :(

  4. And how many phone calls did you get before you hit your classroom?

  5. Dani Ryan says:

    Okay, I’m having a bit of a crap day over here, but THIS made me laugh until I cried. This is so something I would do, and I love you for it. Thanks so much for sharing and for making me laugh!!! xoxoxoxo

  6. Dani Ryan says:

    I don’t think my last comment went through, so I will say it again: I’m having a bit of a crap day, but this post made me laugh until I cried. This is so something I would do, and I love you for sharing it!!! Thanks for the laugh today! xo

    • I’m sorry you’re having a crap day :( Two things to make you feel better: you’re climbing the ranks in the Top 25 (rightfully so!), AND you didn’t say c*nt in front of your boss. So, you’ve got that goin’ for you :)

  7. Uh-mazing!! I would have died. Or if I didn’t die, I would have definitely peed my pants. Either way, you completely rock. When can we actually hit happy hour together in real life, my friend?!

  8. Oh, boy!

    I remember this day, being in the auditorium with 600+ students.

    But for the record, even in her moment of pure shame, I was one of the teachers that stood by her…

    well, within 100 feet of her anyway…

    • I had a few pictures to commemorate the day, Mr. Teacher of the Year. Shall I share them?! ;) In all fairness, at least I didn’t get a gross email from you.

  9. motherhoodisanart says:

    You cunting little fox! This had me rolling on the floor laughing!!! Good one Stephanie!

    • Holy canolli! My jaw dropped to the floor when I read your comment–you’re a team player, Melissa! I’m dying!!!!!!

  10. sparkling74 says:

    You could have gone on in some accent and pretended it was how you said countless? Maybe not. I found you at finding the funny and today, I wrote about an admin who stopped by my room and said something so weird it seemed inappropriate AND he has an accent, so it’s all kind of related. Come see! http://www.sparkling74.blogspot.com

  11. Piper George says:

    I used to work in a bank. I once emailed a customer to discuss their accunt. Oops! Always use a spellchecker!

  12. My Half Assed Life says:

    I often drop the eff bomb without even thinking about it, but those moments when what I meant to say comes out as a completely different word are the most embarrassing. I can’t say I’ve ever said that one by mistake though.

  13. menopausalmother says:

    Friggin’ hilarious, Woman! I think “cuntless” should be a new word to describe cowardly women! Sorry to laugh at your expense but this really is too funny. So listen—I just tagged you and several other bloggers today in my new blog post. I hope you are up for the challenge! There’s no rules to the questions—you can answer as many or as few as you want. Just have fun with it! I hope you’ll participate because you could do a great post on it–which is why I chose you. But no pressure–if you don’t want to, that is fine, too. Hop over when you get a chance, check it out and leave me a message in the comments to let me know if you are interested!

  14. Jennifer says:

    That’s awesome! We were celebrating a family birthday and I asked if anyone wanted any cock, er I mean cake. Oh well.

  15. Jumpin' Jack Flash says:

    Quite an amusing story so it was. Nice to start my Tuesday with a laugh.

  16. C You Next Tuesday is really all I have to say about this. OMG!!! I can’t believe you didn’t pass out from the shock of yourself!! What a great story!…but I do feel badly for you. Plus on a MICROPHONE just in case the people walking in late from the parking lot couldn’t hear it! You poor thing!!
    Allie recently posted…VITA Does VegasMy Profile

  17. This made me laugh just as much as it did the first time I read it!!! Thanks for the laugh this morning! xoxoxo
    Dani Ryan recently posted…What it’s like to travel with small kids…and why I don’t do it soberMy Profile

  18. One of my favorite stories! You naughty girl.
    Amy – Funny is Family recently posted…The Time Facebook Made Me Question My Family’s Bathroom StanceMy Profile

  19. Yep like Dani above, still so funny that I have to comment again :-)
    Mama G recently posted…Party preparations!My Profile

  20. I would NOT have been able to keep it together.
    Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 recently posted…Pumpkin is the New BlackMy Profile

  21. Hey, if GW can get away with “new-cue-lar,” you can mispronounce “countless.” Least that’s what I’m going with here!
    Norine of Science of Parenthood recently posted…Toybox Eruption VariableMy Profile

  22. It think you could pronounce it that way up here and, if you didn’t pause, no one might notice. I’ll try it out over the next few days and let you know how it goes…
    Thanks for the share!
    Stephanie recently posted…Late night wisdomMy Profile

  23. Oh dear! Well at least it makes for a good story. :)
    Molley@A Mother Life recently posted…My Child Didn’t Graduate-Bad Parent AlertMy Profile

  24. Michael barone says:

    What a cuntless I mean classless move…I cunt believe you would do sucha thing

  25. Oh my! I think my cheeks would still be red today!
    Cara Lyn Erickson recently posted…Are You a Spender or Saver? A Free Spirit or Nerd?My Profile

  26. That is just plain awesomeness…
    Jamie Bachewicz- Mommaslilhelper recently posted…Flying The Friendly Skies…With Kids In Tow.My Profile

  27. Oh my goodness, that is just hilarious! And of course it would happen at a high school, of all places. We all have our slip-ups ;-)
    Bev @ Linkouture recently posted…How do you define creativity?My Profile

  28. great story. my wife teaches and she has inherited the potty mouth from being around me for so many years, I am always afraid she will slip up.
    mike recently posted…My first Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

  29. LOL!!! Could have happened to anyone…and by anyone, I mean, me! :D At least you got a great blog post out of it!
    Roshni recently posted…Keeping this short and tweetMy Profile

  30. How have I not already commented on this post? It made me spew water onto my keyboard the first time I read it…THANK GOD, this time I was ready and had nothing in my mouth! ;)-Ashley
    thedoseofreality recently posted…The World Is Full Of PastabilitiesMy Profile

  31. I can’t cunt…er…count the ways this made me laugh!

    It also reminded me that I owe you an oversharing post. Sadly, I will have to narrow it down. I have a lot of embarrassing moments.
    Lisa Newlin recently posted…NKOTB is breaking my H-E-A-R-TMy Profile

  32. You didn’t say cunt. You said cuntless. Distinctly different. I was a teacher before the mom gig too. I’ve let a few curse words fly in the classroom. I didn’t have the excuse of misreading, though, but I also wasn’t in front of an auditorium of people either. I feel your pain, but it makes for a great blog post! ;)

  33. LMAO Steph! I’m so glad we got a special oversharing from the woman herself! Your shame brings me joy.
    Jill Pinnella Corso recently posted…You’re Not the Boss of Me!My Profile

  34. Second time I’ve read this. Still funny, though I don’t envy you the moment itself. Kudos for holding it together, and telling the tale with humor to spare.
    Sharon @ Finding Vanilla Octopus recently posted…Mia Loves Mum MumsMy Profile

  35. OMG Steph, I’ve been saving this one to read until today because I’m in the car (shotgun) for a couple of hours and I’m DYING! Glad my girls have headphones on because I just read it aloud to my husband who choked on a piece of popcorn at “cuntry fried steak” and almost killed us all. This story is epic!!
    Michelle – You’re my favorite today. recently posted…My Baby Was A Cabbage Patch KidMy Profile

  36. Awesome. I was in a staff meeting and typing up notes as we went along- which were being projected on a big screen. I started to spell “country” but stopped midway though to do something like take a drink… And I had misspelled bit and I left just “c*nt” up there for quite a good amount of time.
    Given that I WAS the boss in that situation, I just laughed it off with an “oops!”
    My Special Kind Of Crazy recently posted…Friday’s Photo Finish: 5 Things that Annoy the Halloween Out of MeMy Profile

  37. I’m sure you were the butt of many jokes after that incident. Thanks for the funny.

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