If you’re cringing just reading the title of this post, good. You obviously appreciate proper grammar, and you’re not my target audience anyway. The generation that thinks it’s permissible to end a sentence with a preposition is who I’m lookin’ at as I write this. Maybe because I’m a teacher and my “teenager sensors” are heightened, or maybe because God thinks my rants are entertaining, individuals from this generation have been thrust upon me in nauseating frequency in the past few days, and they’ve been saying some real dumb stuff. Unfortunately for my gender, they’ve all been female. Sigh.
It’s taken everything in me to bite my tongue, and just to put things into perspective, that’s like the equivalent of making a pregnant woman watch the Hallmark Channel around the holidays and refusing to let her cry. Because I’ve behaved so well in public, I shall unleash here. I apologize in advance.
To the teenager in front of me at Target, I hear you talking at volume 70 on your pre-paid cellphone about that monthly check you get because you “keep having kids.” 1. You’re welcome. I work hard for my money; I’m so glad it’s coming in handy for you. 2. You certainly don’t need another pair of thong underwear. Let me hook you up with a pair of Disney Pull-ups. They’re just easier to get off. 3. Condoms aren’t expensive.
To the young lady behind the counter at the toy store, I am really sorry you hate life, but please don’t take it out on me. I didn’t tell you to quit high school. I’m quite certain it is difficult to earn your GED, but I wouldn’t know anything about difficult things because those two adorable monsters who are screaming they don’t want to leave the “toy ‘tore” don’t belong to me. Nope, smooth sailing for me.
To the former student I ran into a few weeks ago, I applaud you for getting your degree while simultaneously raising your daughter. You’re doing a helluva job. Just please stop complaining about it every.single.day. Of course it’s “hard.” If it weren’t, everyone would do it. You should be proud of what you’re accomplishing instead of constantly threatening to quit and publicly denouncing the value of an education. Think of your little girl the next time you contemplate throwing in the towel because of a bump in the road.
To all of the high school girls who are afraid to wear their hair curly because the Mean Girls straighten theirs, be your own person. It’s obnoxious to watch five of you walk into class looking like clones, bad mouthing other students. Spoiler alert: you’re probably not going to be so tight with your clique in a few years; might as well get to know yourself now as to avoid social shell shock in the near future.
To the pop singer Rhianna, please write a song that is not about your vagina.
Okay, that about covers it. Thanks for letting me get that off of my chest. I’m going back to my happy holiday place until Friday when I once again have the pleasure of hosting The More Than Mommies Mixer. Cheers!