5 Reasons You Should NOT Buy The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets

Are you on Twitter? If you just said, “What’s Twitter?”, then the answer is no, you are not on Twitter.

Think of Twitter as text messages with a limit; you only have 140 characters (and spaces count!) to convey your joke, thought, or otherwise useless and uninformative quip.

And the people love it.

Because the Twitterverse is so extensive and fast paced, it can be hard to keep up with or even find your favorite Tweeps <–people who Tweet on Twitter. Fortunately for you, and for all the people everywhere, Kate Hall and Science of Parenthood have teamed up once again to bring you the sequel to The Big Book of Parenting Tweets, The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets. You may recall, I’m in that first book. Well guess what?! I’m in this one, too!

*trumpets and confetti*

 

 

The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets is now available for download and purchase and late night snuggles, so you need a copy ASAP.

What’s that? You don’t need this book?

Huh. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you don’t need this book. Let’s think about this for a minute…

……….

Okay. Don’t buy this book. Just don’t. And here’s why:

 

5 reasons you should NOT buy The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets

 

1.  You’re stoopid rich and have “better” things to spend your money on, like a life-size replica of your Ferrari handcrafted out of smoked Gouda and dark chocolate. You need something to nibble on while you sip your Château Margau, don’t cha?

 

 

 

2.  You don’t like to laugh. Your friends don’t like to laugh. In fact, you just may be allergic to humor.

 

 

 

3.  Time is not a commodity rarer than a Bigfoot sighting; you have hours to sit and peruse War and Peace at your leisure without interruption. How nice for you.

 

 

 

4.  You prefer to give mediocre gifts; giving good gifts isn’t your thing. You would much rather defer to your go-to’s, the gift card or scented candle, than put thought into a unique present for your loved ones. The moms and dads in your life wouldn’t appreciate a book filled with hilarious nuggets of parenting wisdom*

 

*wisdom may be a stretch, but I certainly wouldn’t have thought to make slippers out of Lego blocks so that when you step on them, you just get taller. See how brilliant Kalvin Macleod is?!

 

 

5.  When you and your honey go to bed, you just talk and talk then sex and talk some more. You certainly don’t want to waste that precious bonding time reading something that you would relate to, all the while laughing hysterically. No siree! You’re not compromising that irreplaceable bedtime lovin’ and banter, thankyouverymuch. This book is probably only good for those couples who, after a long day, fall asleep on opposite ends of the couch, with baskets of half folded laundry at their feet. Pffft. Not. For. You.

 

 

And there ya have it: do NOT buy this book. Do not check out the stellar reviews on Amazon, or order extras for the parents in your life who love to laugh. Don’t visit my Facebook page for a giveaway and win yourself a signed copy of the book. Be about your business. Remember, you don’t need this book; you barely even want it! Just in case you’re not yet convinced, here are a few more reasons why you’re too good for this book: because these are hardly entertaining…right???: