I work in a virtual classroom, which means I’m attached to my computer 24/7. I’m also attached to the toilet most days because there is something FUNKY going on with my digestive system. I had my gallbladder out a few years back and we thought that would cure my grossness, but it did not. Therefore, I find myself breaking out in a sweat and running for the loo at least once a week.
I’m sexy like that.
So, during one of my BATHROOM, NOW! outbreaks, I had no choice but to take a meeting while on the throne. Unfortunately for my colleagues, I’m truly an idiot when it comes to technology and when the program we use to collaborate was updated, I was dumbfounded by the different options and features. That’s why, when I logged in, I did so with my webcam.
I’m on the toilet.
I’m sweating and dying.
I’m in a meeting.
I’m broadcasting the whole show to my colleagues.
Along with the visual, I offer an array of sounds. You KNOW you’ve had an explosive potty experience. Don’t sit there like your colon hasn’t been there, done that. It ain’t pretty and it can be…loud.
One would think that the webcam’s light that was shining directly onto my slick forehead would’ve been an indication as to what I had done, but please refer back to my earlier “technologically challenged” comment.
I don’t know how long I broadcast my BM, but once I realized what I had done, I immediately signed out of the meeting, citing connectivity issues as the reason for my early escape. Sorry, boss, the wind really picked up here and made for spotty WiFi…Also, I was mortified that everyone watched me drop a deuce.
On a related note, when I searched for a photo to accompany this poetry, I Googled “woman in the bathroom.” I found mostly images of sexy women lathered in bubbles or skimpy lingerie. That ain’t me. This is more moi, although I have better hair…
Mama G says
Crying. Just… crying. Love it.
You made me so happy 🙂
Christine at More Than Mommies says
Oh my…..I’m always having “bathroom now” moments. It “runs” in my family–we have some highly hilarious stories of our own…but I’ll leave the oversharing to you, my friend! Laughing Laughing Laughing–with you–not at you!
OH NO! I’m so sorry to hear you have the “grossness,” too!! I promise I’ll share enough for the both of us 😉
Piper George says
Excellent – I have taken a few calls in the bathroom, but not yet reached the webcam stage. Brilliant!
Oh Piper, I hope you never have to webcam it in the john!!! 🙂 Thanks for reading!
Thank goodness you think so! I’m pretty sure I grossed a few people out and they’ve backed slowly away from me… 😉
The Sadder But Wiser Girl says
There is a scene on “Dumb and Dumber” that came to mind… I bet you were much more ladylike than that! HA HA thanks for sharing!
I have a better picture for you…because everybody poops. I couldn’t find the original on my computer, so here’s the link to the post just for you. I’m referring to the one on the throne. 😉
There is no such thing as oversharing when I’m reading it, lady. I just got my first post on Aiming Low today. It has the word poop in the title…
Ahahahahahaha!! You made my night!
Oh, and what’s Aiming Low? I’d like to read ya!
The Sadder But Wiser Girl says
http://aiminglow.com/2013/01/guest-the-poop-detective/ It’s a great website! I know some other bloggers that have had work published there too.
Keeping it Real says
You ARE my therapy! This OVERSHARING segment was so darn funny that I called my husband over to read this post with me again. I have to admit that I’m a big envious of your BM’s. I have the opposite problem . . . I get stage fright every time I try to go to the bathroom. Talk about feeling bloated!
Thank you!! I’m sorry to hear about your “stage fright!” And I love that, by the way! Not that you’re bloated, but just how you described it 😉
Keeping it Real says
Oops! I meant “a bit envious.” You had me laughing so hard I couldn’t type straight!
Thank you so much for this over sharing moment! That is too good! I almost wanted to ask why no one said anything but then I thought about and really…what would you say?!!! Too funny!!!
Ahahaha!! I like to tell myself that no one noticed and that’s why they didn’t say anything. It helps me sleep at night 😉
No!!!! You did not!!! What meeting? I am dying! BTW, I had my gallbladder out when I was 17 and I feel your pain or your need to GO GO GO NOW! Man I love you even more now.
Oh but I did. It was at the end of last school year I think. Maybe even into the summer. AWFUL! Glad I have my gallbladderless same sex soulmate to share my indignities. 😉
Lmao…that sounds like my hubby. Taking business calls or rushing to the bathroom while on the stupid playstation 3 headset. I swear sometimes it sounds like the tub faucet is running. One time someone on the speaker phone asked him if he was taking a shower. I just laughed in the background!
What is it about video games and guys?! At least my poopcapade was work-related…right? 🙂
Jill Pinnella Corso says
OMG traumatizing! Those stupid freaking web conferences. You’d think you’d have to actively click something to acknowledge you are now broadcasting yourself. At my old job, every time I signed into a web meeting, the light on the camera would go on and I wouldn’t know why because it wasn’t a video conference. I eventually put a piece of tape over the camera just in case.
A piece of tape! Genius! We should pass that tip onto Anne Hathaway’s nipples…
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