I work in a virtual classroom, which means I’m attached to my computer 24/7. I’m also attached to the toilet most days because there is something FUNKY going on with my digestive system. I had my gallbladder out a few years back and we thought that would cure my grossness, but it did not. Therefore, I find myself breaking out in a sweat and running for the loo at least once a week.
I’m sexy like that.
So, during one of my BATHROOM, NOW! outbreaks, I had no choice but to take a meeting while on the throne. Unfortunately for my colleagues, I’m truly an idiot when it comes to technology and when the program we use to collaborate was updated, I was dumbfounded by the different options and features. That’s why, when I logged in, I did so with my webcam.
I’m on the toilet.
I’m sweating and dying.
I’m in a meeting.
I’m broadcasting the whole show to my colleagues.
Along with the visual, I offer an array of sounds. You KNOW you’ve had an explosive potty experience. Don’t sit there like your colon hasn’t been there, done that. It ain’t pretty and it can be…loud.
One would think that the webcam’s light that was shining directly onto my slick forehead would’ve been an indication as to what I had done, but please refer back to my earlier “technologically challenged” comment.
I don’t know how long I broadcast my BM, but once I realized what I had done, I immediately signed out of the meeting, citing connectivity issues as the reason for my early escape. Sorry, boss, the wind really picked up here and made for spotty WiFi…Also, I was mortified that everyone watched me drop a deuce.
On a related note, when I searched for a photo to accompany this poetry, I Googled “woman in the bathroom.” I found mostly images of sexy women lathered in bubbles or skimpy lingerie. That ain’t me. This is more moi, although I have better hair…