My son doesn’t mind a good old-fashioned time-out. In fact, he entertains himself to the point where the rest of us wish we were timed-out with him. As a result, we’ve had to get creative with our discipline techniques. Yesterday, after he lowered his shoulder and flatted his sister à la James Harrison, I told him that I was throwing away his Halloween candy. Always the skeptic, he replied, “But then you won’t be able to eat any.” Touché, young one.
This afternoon, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors, when I heard the kid freaking out because he couldn’t find the right color crayon. I warned him about his whining, as I do approximately 1,466 times a day, but he persisted. Then, I said something that has changed my life, and possibly America, as I well know it: I threatened that if he didn’t slow his roll, he would be scrubbing floors while I colored Elmo.
HE WAS GAME!!!!!!!
My floors are clean, the kid had fun (sucker), and I only had to reheat my coffee 3 times since this little task kept him busy for more than 7.5 minutes. Because I’m a caring, contributing citizen, concerned about the American economy, I’m willing to hire out my cleaning toddler for the reasonable price of a bottle of Pinot Grigio and a nap. If that doesn’t dig us out of this debt, I don’t know what will.
What fancy parenting tips do you have? The mom or dad with the most creative and effective idea will win an original Brady iPad Art Project.*
I have no tips. This morning I pointed to my stomach and told The Tornado that mommy had a new baby in her belly so she better stop whining because she could be replaced.
I beg to differ: that’s a valid tip 🙂
I use that theory with my dogs.. When my dogs are being naughty I tell them that we’re going to keep the foster dog and get rid of them instead. (Wouldn’t ever happen, but they don’t know that 😉 )
Hey–whatever works, right?! 😉
You may go down in history as the SMARTEST parent ever! Like EVER!! that is crafty evil shit right there! Brilliant, I should have thought about that when the teenager was little ***kicks herself***
First of all, I see your profile picture and you’re clearly 17 so you cannot have a teenager. Second of all, you’re now my favorite reader. Thank you 🙂
I’m in! I need a closet that needs organizing and have plenty of Pinot Grigio currency. After 9 years of being a mom, I have nothing to offer. Except for the time he was 3 and asked what his testicles were for, and I blurted out “baby seeds”. I am banking on this keeping him out of girl trouble when he’s older.
I’m all for anything that will keep the girls away from my little guy. I have a hard time understanding how my MIL doesn’t attack me every time she sees me. I stole her boy; shouldn’t she hate me?!
So here’s a tip that I’m absolutely positive will NEVER grace the pages of parenting magazine; when my daughter gets hurt, like one of those “eyes start to water, bottom lip begins to protrude” looks that means in any second an extremely loud, piercing scream will ensue.
I simply tell her to say “damnit!”. This is only used at home, it instantly makes her giggle because she’s fully aware this is a curse word. The pain goes away and is forgotten about in seconds and all ears in the tri-state area remain unharmed!
Shauna,
On behalf of everyone within the tri-state, we commend you for your creative parenting and consideration for our eardrums 🙂
We need some Shauna’s down in Florida. When my kids get that hurt – but aren’t bleeding and didn’t break anything kind of hurt – I say, “Oh, did it really hurt that bad? I can take you the hospital if you want.” Kids generally don’t like the idea of going to the hospital.
My son is a prolific whiner. Every bump and bruise is met with a dramatic performance. My husband has been offering to take him out into the garage and saw off his boo-boos. #ParentsoftheYear!!
I’m all for child labor and also for teaching children to swear at the appropriate times. I like to think of it as actually preparing children for the real world.
Hell yes! Real-world applications at their finest 🙂
My son’s name is Brody. He just turned three. Apparently, my son and your son have some things in common. I recently counted on the fact that the scabs on his knees would provide sufficient traction on the wood stairs and let him do my weekly (ahem, monthly) murphy’s oil cleaning of the stairs. 😉 As for tips, Tylenol (for me). And I just blogged this morning about how to survive the grocery store with your tater tots.
I just read your new post!!! I love the “freebies” in the store, but at the end of the day, I’d rather just leave the little ones with dad!!! Maybe I should ask my little brother to get a side gig at our local grocer, though… 😉
I’d rather leave them too, but leaving them at the times Hubby is available, means leaving them in the witching hour, and I have a very serious personal space issue that always seems to be violated during busy grocery store times. I might spontaneously combust the next time someone breaths over my shoulder while I contemplate the price of cereal. 😀
🙂 🙂
I am dying over this picture and your caption! Awesome! And love that you accept payment in the form of Pinot Grigio and a nap–you are truly a woman after my own heart 😉
🙂
I think this is awesome! The only way I have been able to keep my soon-to-be 6yr olds out of trouble (entertained) while I make dinner or something else not so important (to them), is to put them to work. They each have their chores like washing/setting the table, asking what everyone wants to drink etc. Keeps them focused, and they haven’t attacked each other with the butter knives, yet.
Great idea, Lynette!! Thank you 🙂 (Good luck with those butter knives!)