Yesterday, as I was floating in the pool perusing Self magazine working, I came across the following:
“There may be a scientific reason for those TMI moments. Sharing personal info lights up reward centers in the brain–the same ones activated by sex…” (page 81 of August 2012 issue of Self–I’m behind on my reading).
Naturally, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Oversharing: I Ain’t Scarrred series gives you orgasms. So, you’re welcome.
Conveniently, the Big O is a perfect segue into today’s Oversharer. You may have heard of her; she’s kind of a big deal and, like, the pioneer of honest parenting. She’s written a few books, been on a few TV shows, and is basically my new best friend. At least until the restraining order kicks in. Ladies and the two gentleman who read this blog, I give you: Jill “Scary Mommy” Smokler!
Once upon a time, Jeff and I lived in a loft-style condo in Washington, DC. The bedroom was upstairs in the loft and the living space was on the first level. We didn’t have much money for furniture, so what we had all resided downstairs, and the bedroom was completely empty, save for the bed which sat smack dab in the middle of the enormous room. Because of this lack of space, some things that might otherwise be kept discretely in bedside drawers, um, weren’t. If you catch my drift.
This was long before the days of motherhood and long before I lost all sense of boundaries and modesty. Clearly. My biggest fear back then was that, God forbid, something horrible happen to me, my family might discover exactly what I kept under that bed. The thought of them finding that pink bunny was almost too much to bear. Almost too much. Because I loved that bunny. That sweet, sweet bunny.
After a couple years, Jeff and I were ready to say goodbye to condo living and buy our first house. Being the maniac packer that I am, I had the entire house boxed up and organized weeks before we were ready to move. When the day finally came, I was more than ready. I had thought of every little thing.
A team of big, burly men arrived to whisk away all of our belongings. They moved furniture and boxes, as I busied myself with cleaning the kitchen and sweeping the floors. We didn’t talk much, which is why is seemed odd that they were all so friendly as they carted the bed-frame out and told me they’d see me over at the house.
“Ma’am, you might want to check the bedroom one last time,” one of the men chuckled as the rest of them snickered.
Bewildered, I walked up the stairs to grab whatever piece of random clothing or candle was left behind. But there wasn’t anything in the room. The closets were empty and not a thing was left behind. Until I looked a little closer and saw it. My rabbit. Smack dab in the middle of the room with nothing to mask its existence. I swear, I saw its whiskers twitch as it smirked at me. I was mortified.
For years, that was my most embarrassing moment; the mere thought of it made me cringe. It was bad. And then I got pregnant, puked all over everything for nine months, lost all bladder control, shit on the delivery table and lived to tell about it.
Nothing phases me now.
Clearly.
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Jill Smokler is the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of A Scary Mommy (April 2012) and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies) (April 2013) as well as the owner all things Scary Mommy. [Editor’s note: she’s also super sweet.]
Jill’s honest take on parenting has appeared in numerous publications and on television programs, including The Today Show, The New York Times, Good Morning America, Nightline and CNN. The website averages over 3 million page views a month and the Scary Mommy Twitter feed keeps over 310,000 followers entertained daily, including Tori Spelling, Nicole Ricci, Cynthia McFadden, Holly Robinson Peete and President Obama. [Editor’s note: THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?! This lady is GOOD.] The Scary Mommy Facebook page boasts over 89,000 active fans.
Jill is coming to my hometown of Pittsburgh THIS Saturday, June 29. Join us for a meet-and-greet at The Sheraton Hotel in Station Square from 5:30 – 7:30 pm, and then get the hell out because I get to have dinner and drinks with her and subsequently giggle uncontrollably like a fourth grade girl for the remainder of the evening.
We should be friends.
Wow! Just wow!! I’m mortified and I don’t even own a pink bunny!!! Seriously funny stuff.
Did it try to get away? Naughty bunny!
When we were moving from our trailer to our first house in a town ten miles away, rather than hire a moving company we had our family help us move. My husband had something going on (ahem, addicted to a video game) and was pretty much useless as far as the packing went. So my mom, sister, and dad were helping me go from room to room, stuffing things in boxes to make yet another trip from one town to the other. I had one specific drawer in the bedroom that I neglected to pack myself because I wasn’t thinking. My sister was laughing her head off and I couldn’t figure out why, until I realized WHICH drawer he was clearing out. THAT drawer, the one with the unmentionable things in it, one purple thing with batteries in particular. Just what you want your DAD to see…
My sister was pretty sure that my dad had no idea what any of that was. I’m thinking that he was just keeping his mouth shut. I’m never going to find out because I’m never planning on asking!
Welll heeeeeellllooooooo! What an awesome opportunity, and I must say– I’m slightly starstruck by the presence of Scary Mommy over here. Very cool!
Stephanie- remember me when you’re trolling with the big sharks! LOL
There is always SOMEthing we seem to forget and the more embarassing it is the more likely we forgot about it. Love Scary Mommy.
1) That is insanely cool. I will be giggling like a 4th grader with you in spirit.
2) Ask her if she still has the pink bunny! I need to know!!! 🙂
That pink bunny is long gone. I may, ahem, have a new one, though. 😉
Everyone tells me that the things that make me cringe now will be nothing after I have kids… from this post, I gather you agree!
Stephanie! You have officially elevated this series to a whole new level! Woo-hoo!
And I am ashamed to say (OK, no I’m not) that I have experienced something similar TWICE in my day. Once, my dad was helping me move, and he commented with visible discomfort that “something is buzzing inside this bag.”
And then another time, in college, I was in the hospital because I had some insane headache, and the doctors sent some carbon monoxide people over to check out my room. According to my roommates, legend has it that they had to step directly over my hot-pink “you-know-what” that was in the middle of my floor. Oops.
Welcome aboard the Over-sharing Train, Jill! 🙂
Holy hell–now THAT is hilarious!!!!!!
That is hilariously terrible and horribly awesome. Thank you thank you.
LOVE it! We just had our first big “oh dear” moment regarding children discovering intimate items. I’m an over sharer at heart anyway, so I love hearing these types of stories!
Jessica!!! If you’re an Oversharer, you’ll want to submit a story for the series, right?! RIGHT!!! Please 🙂
whencrazymeetsexhaustion@gmail.com
🙂
Two of my favorites in one space?! You sure know how to get a girl to make her O face.
Jill, I am going to remember this story every time I move forever. Right now the only embarrassing thing under my bed is enough dog hair to build an entire dog.
Have an amazing time on Saturday. I can’t wait to hear (read) about it!
You sure know how to get a girl to make her O face.
Amy for President!!!!!!!!!!!!
That rascally rabbit! (side note: my iPhone tried to change that to racial rabbi, hmm)
Jill, I would have just died! I hope you’ve learned from this and keep it somewhere safer, like your deceased grandmother’s antique handbag. No one will look there. At least, that’s my hope…
Those racial rabbis can really stir up some trouble, eh?
Yup. It’s official. I love Jill even more now after reading about her pink bunny.
I sooooo wish I could join you guys this Saturday. Have fun!!!
xo
We’ll take lots of pics for ya–just not any of pink rabbits. On second thought…
No, definitely not.
I love it! Those damn twitching whiskers! Too funny.
What’s a pink bunny? I mean a cute little stuffed animal shouldn’t be much to be embarrassed about, right? 😉
PS: I wanna be friends with your new BFF. Please???
You’re in, Chris!
Seriously. I’m like the biggest moron. I was like, what’s the big deal about a pink bunny? No lie, I had to read the comments to figure it out. Is that what they’re called? Now I’m embarrassed. Now I have to re-read it. Ok done. HILARIOUS!!! I can’t even imagine having to face the mover guys at your new house! Awesome share!
Not a moron, Kate, just sweet and innocent. Like a virgin.
Amazing! This just makes me even more excited to meet your coolness. Thanks to you BFFs for letting me run with you for one night!
LOL!!! Thankfully, nothing like that has happened to me…yet. Hubby, on the other hand, almost died when our son brought out daddy’s dangly bits ring and started playing with it in the living room, in front of company. heheheh. Never say him turn red before. It was worth it! 🙂
Loved the story and THANK YOU so much for linking up with the Humor Me! Blog Hop!!!
Oh.
My.
God.
Do you think your husband would write an Oversharing piece for me?!
I recently had a cleaning lady divorce me- no phone call, no explanation, no mediation with lawyers. She just never returned my calls or texts. I was heartbroken. The woman not only cleaned, she totally redecorated my house with knick-knacks I never knew I had. But it was over. Just like that. And I had no idea why… Until I walked into my closet and found MY rabbit not buried under my knickers as it usually was, but hastily tossed on top of my basket of knickers that you can see clearly when standing in my closet. Obviously cleaning ladies are much more prudish than moving men.
Vicky
Maybe she’s jealous and wants one? Offer to get her one of her own if she comes back 😉
Oy! Jill! That is TOO funny. Blushing.
So fun you get to have Jill visit by the way!
That’s hilarious! I wonder how you looked like that embarrassing moment 😉