Today’s Oversharing is from Pursuit of Normal‘s Vicky. She’s waxing (tee hee) philosophical on a topic Kim discussed earlier this month; these crazy ladies are willing to put their hoohas on the line, er, table for the sake of swimsuit season and blog fodder, and for that, I commend them.
There have been a few times in my life when I’ve heard the phrase, “Put your knees back by your ears.” I will say, however, that two of those times babies suddenly appeared. Well, I wouldn’t say “suddenly.” There was a bit of work involved beyond using my forearms as hooks. There might have some pushing and grunting on my part. But within a few hours, there were babies.
So when I was once again lying flat on a bed and again heard “Put your knees back by your ears,” my first response was, “Um, I’m not going to leave here with a newborn am I?” I was assured I would not. “No, no babies. It just makes it easier for me to reach all your nooks and crannies.” Oddly enough I found that less horrifying than the idea of a baby.
I’ll bet you’re wondering how I ended up counting the tiles on the ceiling while performing some yet to be named yoga pose, right? It all began with chicken dinos. If I had a dime for every time I’ve said that phrase I’d be a rich woman. You too? I thought so.
My BFF and I were standing in my kitchen preparing lunch for the kids one afternoon when she turned to me while distributing grapes on each plate and asked, “Have you ever had a bikini wax?” I should tell you that I have a bit of a hair issue. As my husband loses it from his head, it seems to somehow grow like wild flowers on my face, arms and places that really shouldn’t have hair. But I had to answer honestly and tell her that I had yet to have that part of my body waxed. Ironically, though I had recently heard on the radio that Americans spend more money on hair removal than any other country in the world! It think it’s safe to assume I am a large contributor to that statistic.
After hearing this info I did a bunch of research. Translation: I Googled it. And lo and behold, it’s true. We Americans are a hairy lot and spend a lot of time and money mowing our body lawns. There is an extensive variety of hair removal options out there for us wooly mammoth types: waxing, sugaring, threading, laser, creams, plucking, and even a few that I think would have taken me to “other sites” that were not for my innocent eyes. That’s when I discovered the Brazilian wax. Simply put, it’s a very thorough bikini wax. And when I say “very thorough” I’m talking, “Hey look! I’m 11 years old again” kind of thorough. You get the picture. And if you don’t get the picture, go to YouTube. I’m constantly amazed what people will put on the internet… says the girl writing about waxing her intimates.
Back to me and BFF in the kitchen, it was decided that we were going to do this. Why, you ask? I’d say it was a little bit of curiosity and a lotta bit of “this would be great for my blog.” I’ll do anything for material. I’m an intelligent woman, although you might be doubting that at this point, and I had to make sure I was prepped and ready. So I did my homework. Before: let the hair grow long, but not too long and do not exfoliate 24 hours prior to procedure. No problem. Let’s move on to aftercare: Take ibuprofen- makes sense. Purchase numbing gel- uh, ok. Wait 2-3 days for swelling to subside- WTW?! Swelling? Why would there be swelling? But the appointment was set, promises had been made and there was no going back.
So on waxing day I arrived at BFF’s house, where her husband proceeded to roll his eyes and say, “You two need your own reality show.” Which by the way is an idea that I have not completely tabled… And off we went to the spa for our first Brazilian wax and that was how I found myself flat on my back with my knees by my ears having my nooks and crannies explored by someone who was not a doctor.
Oh, and the other times I heard the phrase “put your knees back by your ears”… I’m not going to tell you about those. I do have a little bit of decorum.
Hey, I’m an 11 year old girl. I died when I read that. Did you go back for more torture, I mean, maintenance? I don’t care if I look like a grizzly to my husband, no amount of money or a book deal would convince me to do that. You are one brave woman!!
Brave or stupid, Penny? I go back every 6-7 weeks. What can I say? I’m into that kind of pain. Just kidding.
V
I’m scared–I think something went wrong when I published today. Where is everyone?! So sorry your blogiversary party fell flat, Vicky 🙁 But there is time for everyone to join–I should be patient!
Probably not- It could definitely be me and my post. Don’t sweat it girl;) I don’t think anything went wrong because I got it in my inbox. Sorry if it didn’t help your numbers at all today;(
V
NO WAY!!!! I don’t give a poo about my numbers, and I realized that I forgot to Pin it, so I’m doing it now!!!!!
Bahahahahaha! I decided to get a Brazilian wax one day before my 6-week OBGYN appt after my daughter was born. WTF, right?! The only good thing that came out of it was the blog fodder. You’ll have to read the post on my blog sometime. NOT my finest moment!!!! Thanks for the giggle!
You posted about that on your blog Dani? How did I miss THAT one! I’m sure you were hysterical! And right before your 6 week appointment? You are insane!
Vicky
Is it awful that I’ve never had a bikini wax? I’m diligent on shaving, but the wax I’ve never tried. After reading your and Kim’s post…I think I’ll just keep shaving. Haha. Great post!
I prefer it to shaving but that’s because I’m pretty sure I’m chewbacca’s long lost sister. Thank God I’m a red head;) Thanks for reading and commenting!
Vicky
You are far braver than I! I don’t want anyone poking around that close to my nether bits! And, I especially don’t want anyone to cause pain down there!! 🙂
I had a friend at my first job ever who was going to school to be an esthetician. When she started telling me about what it was I thought it sounded fun and I considered signing up for school with her, then she told me about waxing people part and I was out!
oh man that must have been a shock! I asked my waxer (who is now my friend- not surprising after seeing my nooks and crannies) if it was weird doing this all day. she said it’s reached the point where it’s no different than waxing any other body part or giving a facial. I think she was being generous;) Thank you for reading and commenting.
Vicky
And THAT’S where you end the post????? For the love of GOD- how the hell did it turn out? MUST- KNOW- MORE!
It definitley hurt- not a ton, but it wasn’t pleasant the first time. Now I’ve just gotten used to it- yes, I go back regularly. I will admit though, just like when you know someone is pointing a rubber band at you, I definitely cringe and prepare myself a bit. My muscles coil and I dig my heels into the table. And there might be some sweating. However, if i’m consistent about going (every 5-6 weeks) it’s easier and fast. There are only 2 pulls that really hurt but they’re over fast. I promise!
Vicky
I LOVE Vicky at The Pursuit of Normal! I just found her last week and begged her to do a guest post for HerStories! Imagine my great delight to find her here, with you, whom I also love! It’s like a tea party with my favorite bloggers!
OK, I’ll stop now. This is so, so hilarious, and I loved your closing line about having decorum! Great Oversharing post=- loved it! And I’m with Cheryl- how did it turn out? 😉
Hey Stephanie!! It’s like we are stalking one another- or just really commited and loyal:) I also just found you on Twitter too! Thanks for reading over here and for the invite to post on HerStories. Oh, and you can read in the comment above- if you stay consistent with the waxing, the pain is bareable;)
V