• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

When Crazy Meets Exhaustion

My attempt at adult conversation.

  • Home
  • My Book

Oversharing: Menstruation Madness

By Stephanie Jankowski 40 Comments

What’s shakin’ party people?!

Before we get into today’s Oversharing piece, let’s talk about the awesomeness that is my new blog design! I’m so super happy with it (hell-to-the-NO I didn’t do it myself!), and if you need some work done (Botox not included), click the AKay Web Design button at the bottom of the page. Andrea and crew are phenomenal. If you just need small fixes or want to optimize SEO and other things that I don’t understand, check out my girl Julie at Fabulous Blogging. She offers FREE tips on her blog, and it just so happens that yours truly is over there today sharing my first year o’ blogging experiences. Click HERE to read it and get some freebies from Julie the Great!

And now, the moment you have all been waiting for (unless you’re my dad who was WARNED not to read this–Daddy, look away!), today’s Menstruation Madness! Frazzled Shell‘s  Michelle has traveled the whole way from the UK to make you giggle like a preschooler that just farted.

OversharingPresents.FlusteredShell

I started my period when I was 12.  My pregnancies have been the only respite I have had from ‘The Curse’. Day 1 of my period – don’t speak to me, don’t expect me to walk, talk and – bitch, please – don’t expect feeding.  Just a little bit of TMI to let you know – it’s THAT bad.

The other month, I wake up. The period had started the evening before so ‘Day 1’ was that morning. Normally I get a 5 second window of opportunity to reach the toilet in the bathroom. Not so that morning.

I step out of bed and ‘WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!’.

Me: ‘Shit!’

I cross my legs as tightly as I can and waddle out of the bedroom, past amused-looking sons, down the landing and into the bathroom.

By the time I get to the bathroom – thankfully which has non-slip, moppable floors – it looks like someone (me) has been murdered.  I open the door, call my husband – bring me some clean (black!) knickers and sanitary pads please.

He comes in and pales at the sight of the bathroom. I’ll need a shower straight away, I say. He says he’ll take kids down and feed them breakfast. I clean up, have a shower and go downstairs.

I am in absolute agony when I arrive down to find my kids eaten and dressed.  I pop two Co-codamol and an Ibuprofen and I shrug my shoulders at my husband as I sink onto the sofa, my apathy silently communicating that ‘You’ll have to make the lunches. I’m doing nothing today’.

My youngest son, who is 6, approached me and stroked my hair. He’s holding his fleecy blanket and drapes it over me. Bless him.

Him: ‘Are you ok now, Mum?’

Me: ‘Yes sweetie.’

Him: (Solemn) ‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell my friends in school that you shit yourself.’

(*Note – what this actually means is ‘The minute I get on the school yard, I am going to tell ALL my friends, that you shit yourself, and I will use the word ‘shit’ too, quite possibly within earshot of other teachers, and probably other parents too’.)

Me: (Bolt upright) ‘What did you just say? Potty mouth?’

Him: ‘You shit yourself. I won’t tell.’

Me: ‘I didn’t ‘shit’ myself!’

Him: (Indignant) ‘YES YOU DID! I saw you, you were running to the toilet with your legs crossed, and then you shouted ‘OH JESUS CHRIST ON A BIKE!’ and then you shouted Dad to bring you new knickers. You shit yourself!’

Me: ‘No I DIDN’T!!’

Him:  ‘What then?’

Daughter:  ‘I think Mum got her period.’

Me:  ‘Shut up!  Bloody hell!  Is nothing sacred?’

Other son:  ‘What’s a period?’

Daughter: ‘Well…’

Me:  ‘Shut UP!’

My husband at this point, was crying tears of mirth silently in the kitchen, and took me to one side to clarify that as he was leaving the bedroom armed with my clean underwear, our son had nodded at him and said ‘Has she shit herself, again?’

AGAIN?

So, weighing up explaining menstruation to a 6-year-old against letting him (and the rest of the infant department) think I’d crapped myself – you know what won out that morning, don’t you?

Pfffffffffffft.

*******************

Michelle is a nearly 37-year-old frazzled Mum of four who blogs at Frazzled Shell. She lives on a small island in North Wales, UK, which is nowhere near as exotic as it sounds (sadly). She loves cooking and being humiliated by her children.

Show her some love on her brand-spanking new Facebook page HERE 

or

on Twitter: @luckygoldcat

Please share my crazy with the world:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window) Pocket

Like this:

Like Loading...

Filed Under: Parenting

Subscribe to my newsletter for more fun...

My book!!!

Schooled by Stephanie Jankowski
cheap baby boy clothes

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bad Word Mama says

    May 2, 2013 at 7:35 am

    Oh my! That was hilarious. I’m sorry your son thought you shit yourself, but, better than explaining I def agree.

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 11:59 am

      Thank you Bad Word Mama! Yes, it was the lesser of the two evils that day… 😉

      Reply
  2. April says

    May 2, 2013 at 7:51 am

    This was the first thing I read this morning. I am laying in bed crying from laughing so hard. Sorry, bit that was an awesome oversharing!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      Oh thank you for saying that, I was so worried, especially being such a taboo subject >.<

      Reply
  3. vernette says

    May 2, 2013 at 8:28 am

    OH MY WORD…I AM STILL LAUGHING!!! MY TUMMY IS IN KNOTS…NO SOUND IS COMING OUT AND I’M IN TEARS. JESUS CHRIST ON A BIKE!!! << which I will be using the first chance I get! OH MY GOSH SOMEBODY CALL ME A DOCTOR PLEASE. "Has she shit herself, again?" PRICELESS!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      LOL Vernette, I hope you enjoy using the phrase 🙂 Oh that’s my son, my darling, beautiful, angel faced son. Mouth like a sewer. Who was also the one who ensured that my nickname on the infant yard is ‘Flappy Bum’. That was a whole other blog post… 😉

      Reply
  4. Melanie says

    May 2, 2013 at 8:46 am

    Too funny … and while I have been there for the first part (I seriously HATE the first and second days of my period – and tampons are out of the question b/c of that whole ‘Whoosh’ thing – ugh!) I can’t say I have had the pleasure of my daughter talking about me crapping my pants 🙂 I have come home to a torn up sanitary napkin my dog has gotten into … when of the better things to see after you just get the house to yourself and feel like crap!

    Great post!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 12:07 pm

      Thanks Melanie, yep tampons are a distant memory for me too. Four kids and no pelvic floor exercises … is a whole other oversharing moment/advertisment for Tena Lady etc… I’ll leave it there *nods*

      And eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! They’re bad enough intact, but mutilated? Guts of steel for that job!

      Reply
  5. Mom Rants and Comfy Pants says

    May 2, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Nothing like a good giggle snort to start the day. That was ALL kinds of hilarious. As sorry as I am that this happened to you, I’m so glad you were willing to share it. Moms don’t get any dignity do they?

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 12:11 pm

      NO dignity whatsoever, ever. Even something as routine as a Physiotherapy appointment with my son, with THE most stuck up Physio I have ever met in my life, and one of them comes out with – ‘My Mum does massive farts’ – (I do, but still… come on, dignity?) I died a little and shrunk down in the chair, but no – that wasn’t enough. It had to be finished off with – ‘Even massiver than Dad’s.’ The pièce de bloody résistance…

      Reply
  6. Julie Chenell DeNeen says

    May 2, 2013 at 10:03 am

    Love your blog design! Thanks for the shout out too. And the menstrual story was very good. I remember the moment I got my first period. I was at a sleepover, of all places. It was epic and could have gone into the “Where are you God, it’s Me Margaret” book. 🙂

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 12:12 pm

      Sleepover? Messy… I was in Church? Yes. Yes I was…

      Reply
      • crazy14 says

        May 2, 2013 at 2:38 pm

        I was at Sea World with the Girl Scouts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bahahaha!

        Reply
  7. Anka says

    May 2, 2013 at 11:57 am

    I love what you’ve done with the place! I might need to put in a phone call to these amazing web designers in the near future. Perhaps around my blog’s birthday. Anyway, I wanted to drop a line to say I miss seeing you around my parts of the internet. Where you been lady?? Hope all is well and you’re managing to hold down the fort and everything in it. I’m sure you’re SUPER busy! 🙂

    Reply
    • crazy14 says

      May 2, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Hey, Anka!! Thanks so much for your kind words! I will reply to your email before 2014, I promise! I hope you and yours are well–especially that bun in the oven!! 🙂

      Reply
      • Anka says

        May 2, 2013 at 3:34 pm

        Oh, Steph, no need to get back to my email. Life is busy, believe me I know! As for the bun in the oven, things are starting to look up. The morning sickness has subsided and I feel like a NEW woman! Woo hoo! 😉

        Reply
        • crazy14 says

          May 2, 2013 at 4:07 pm

          I am so happy to hear you’re well!!! I didn’t get a notification of your new post…I’m wondering if I lost my WP subscriptions again?! Sigh. Will you do a me a favor and post the URL of your blog here as a comment? I’m getting angry! GRRRR! 🙂

          Reply
  8. Jill Pinnella Corso says

    May 2, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    Lol! That’s an awesome overshare. Although, I think I would have to go with explaining menstruation over letting random kids think I pooped my pants. I don’t know what that says about my childhood insecurities.

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 2, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      I had to think and think fast that morning. I’d have preferred neither to be honest? But… this is Adam. Either way I was going to be secreting some fluid, and I thought poo was less offensive than blood to 6 year olds. More funny, but less horrific. Lol 🙁 #damnedifyoudo…

      Reply
  9. The Sadder But Wiser Girl says

    May 2, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    “Jesus Christ on a bike” has to be my new favorite phrase!

    My four year old is always wanting to know why I’m putting a big giant sticker in my underwear… she thinks it’s for decoration. We can just go with that for now…

    Thanks for your oversharing! Loved it!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 4, 2013 at 7:19 am

      ‘Jesus Christ on a bike’ – perfect for those situations where merely taking the Lord’s name in vain isn’t quite enough. Stick him on a mode of transport – and bingo! 😉

      Reply
      • Mama G says

        May 4, 2013 at 7:23 am

        Oh and I have (on occasion when under extreme duress) been known to put Jesus Christ on a bloody tricycle too. But this is when things are really bad. Otherwise, it’s just a two wheeler.

        Reply
  10. Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. says

    May 2, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    That was a tiny slice of brilliant! I loved every second, and I will not integrate, “Jesus Christ on a bike!” into my lexicon- thanks for giving me a new swear-phrase! Thank you SO much for sharing that- I had to tweet it- too hilarious not to share with the world!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 4, 2013 at 7:20 am

      Thank you Stephanie 🙂 and thanks for tweeting it too

      Reply
  11. Dani Ryan says

    May 2, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    1. I love the new blog design!!!

    2. I almost shit my pants laughing at this post! Oh wait. That’s weird, right? Because don’t you normally pee your pants when you laugh that hard?

    Anyway, thank you for the laugh!!!! I am adding you to my Bloglovin’ feed RIGHT NOW!!!!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 4, 2013 at 7:21 am

      LOL! 🙂 Well, I can’t speak for anyone else but I’m at the age that something leaks everytime I sneeze, cough, fart or laugh so – shit is good, I suppose?

      Reply
  12. Vicky says

    May 3, 2013 at 2:41 am

    Oh girl that’s awful!! My son found my box of tampons one day and asked what they were. My husband said, “They’re Mommy’s magic.” He as 5 at the time and it’s the best we had- we’re not good under pressure, apparently. He’s now 9 and admitted to us for several years he thought I practiced magic tricks in the bathroom with my “magic wands.” Bwahahaha!
    Vicky
    liked your FB page!

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 4, 2013 at 7:25 am

      HAHAHAHAHA! It sucks when you have to think on your feet… and that explanation was crap but very funny. Love it! 🙂

      Reply
  13. jhanis says

    May 3, 2013 at 6:11 am

    Him: (Solemn) ‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell my friends in school that you shit yourself.’ <—at least he is still being thoughtful 🙂

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 4, 2013 at 7:27 am

      He likes to give the impression of being on my side… but the reality is he’d cut my throat sooner than look at me just to give his friends a laugh… >.<

      Reply
  14. Chris Carter says

    May 4, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Oh I remember those days!!! I used to put a tampon in and within minutes the flood gates of Hades opened wide to pour through it all down my legs. Good times…isn’t it? LOL

    Reply
    • Mama G says

      May 7, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      Roll on menopause, is all I’m saying on the matter. Only for the contraceptive pill making me homicidal, I’d be taking those back to back :-/

      Reply
  15. Chris Carter says

    May 4, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    BTW- STEPHANIE- LOVE YOUR LOOK GIRL!!!!!! Say- you are looking mighty fine in that silhouette!!! Wowza!!! I wish I looked like that… 😉

    Reply
    • crazy14 says

      May 5, 2013 at 8:27 am

      I wish I looked like that, too 😉

      Reply
  16. cul says

    May 22, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Јe finirai de regarder ça ce soir

    Reply
  17. www.naine.nu says

    May 22, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Une foiѕ de plus un maǥnifique article : j’en discuterai cе soir avec des collègues

    Reply
  18. énormes obus says

    May 22, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Une fois de plus un excellent post, j’espère en parler après avec des collègues

    Reply
  19. Chaudasse Grosse says

    May 23, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Εncore un post sincèrement plaisant

    Reply
  20. x baiseuse says

    June 12, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    Hսm êtes vߋus ceftain ɗe ce quе vous nous écrivez
    ??

    Reply
  21. nymphomanes says

    July 12, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    Superbe агticle, continueƶ dans cette voie

    Reply

Your two-cents here:Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

****waves, trips over dog****
Hiya! I'm Steph, English teacher by trade, smack-talker by nature, and mother of three who lives by the mantra: life is too short, LAUGH! I hope you'll stick around and check out my musings!

Schooled

Schooled

My book!

The Teacher Career Coach

I Write For

I Write For

LOLs for Parents

LOLs for Parents

Snoop Around…

#NakedMoms birth story BlogHer Bored Teachers Child Birth Conversations with a Toddler cyber school education faith Families in the Loop Family Stuff flu Funny Stuff giveaway guest post inspiration kids Know Your OTCs Listen To Your Mother Pittsburgh Love March NaBloPoMo marriage Menopausal Mother More Than Mommies More Than Mommies mixer Motherhood Oversharing Parenting parenting humor Parenting is hard Pinterest Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Cultural Trust Project Optimism Questionable Choices in Parenting Same-sex marriage Scary Mommy sponsored post sponsored posts Sponsored Stuff teacher humor vlogging Walmart We Are Teachers writing

Copyright © 2025 · When Crazy Meets Exhaustion · site design: Jamie Jorczak · Professional photos courtesy of the incredible Autumn Stankay of SkySight Photography · Log in

%d