For the past 2 weeks, I’ve tried to put my best foot forward and not let on that I’m on the brink of madness. Between two rounds of the flu and the general craziness of life, it has been tense ’round these parts. I wear my heart (and attitude) on my sleeve, so it’s no surprise when I’m overwhelmed or in a mood. I find that to be one of my better qualities: I don’t pull any punches. What you see is what you get and my friggin’ husband should be grateful for that, RIGHT?
So when he came home the other day and announced that I looked miserable and have been acting like I hate life, I resisted the urge to karate chop him square in his voice box and instead, calmly, ran down the list of things I’ve had to handle because, well, because I’m the Mom:
Sick kids + sick babysitters = sick kids at home all day, every day with me.
Sick me + sick babysitters = kids full of piss and vinegar running the house into the ground while I try to meet deadlines at work while trying not to die.
Nighttime fun such as terrors, vomiting, bathroom visits, requests for water/more blankets/a sucker to offer various bedside services while a small person falls asleep–that’s all mine. And it’s all mine each time it happens, regardless if it’s once a night or, like last night, five times. *shudder* I don’t know how my better half sleeps through all the action, but he sure does. Like a baby. No, scratch that. Babies don’t sleep. Obviously.
So, when he said I looked miserable, I was offended. I looked tired. I looked sick. Because I’m both of those things for the aforementioned List of Shit Only Mom Can Handle. He can counter with he teaches all day and then coaches or works a sporting event or insert-another-activity here. When he rattles off a list of crap he’s got to do, all I hear is “I’m leaving the house! It’s a vacation! Weee!”
I shared my thoughts with him today in a passive aggressive e-mail and his response was:
I realize that being home with the kids and trying to work is very difficult, especially when they are sick or not being cooperative. I also realize that you do deserve a break. So take one. Thursday evening – go do something by yourself. Shop, exercise, go have a glass of wine and read a book, get your nails done…plan something and do it for a few hours.
It’s no secret my husband is a great guy (despite sleeping through everything that happens between the hours of midnight and 4am). I’ve written sappy crap about him before, so I should have appreciated his kind words and offer to give me some time to myself. Except I didn’t. The suggestion to exercise really pissed me off. He knows I only run if something rabid is chasing me. AND I know there’s an ulterior motive. He’s going to choose golf over me this weekend, I guarantee it.
What makes it worse is that today when I was talking with a colleague about how I will be institutionalized by week’s end, she proceeded to brag that she’s caught up with work, her kids haven’t even had colds, today she’s making homemade soup, playing with her son, cleaning her oven, etc. I NEEDED HER TO HATE LIFE WITH ME TODAY. If she wasn’t up for the challenge, she should have let me know before I wasted precious negativity on her.
Sad to say but I am not one of those mothers who will be celebrated for never complaining. You know the kind. She’s usually the focus of a Home Makeover episode; she’s faced horrid conditions and circumstances that make mine seem like a cake walk. Not only has she done everything with a smile on her face, but she makes dinner from scratch every night. Well that ain’t me, kids. Sometimes I wish it were, but most days, I just want to call Taylor Swift and have her turn my rants into millions.
In my defense, I’ve got a wicked cold and each time a series of sneezes hits me, I tinkle a little. Oh the residual joys of childbirth. So it’s not like I had any choice but to don my pissy pants. What are you wearing today?
Oh my goodness! We both do indeed have a case of the crabbies don’t we?! I hate winter and it makes everyone in my house act nutso…which only leads me to act nutso as well! Remember a few weeks ago when your house was hit by the flu and you said your husband was a saint or something for helping out and I told you my husband’s biggest help is like nudging me awake to let me know someone needs me….yep…that’s how we roll around here!
I hear the words “vacation” too, when we have the ‘who does more’ discussion. He brings his IPAD to work. Enough said. When do we sit around with the iPad while attempting to squeeze work in between full time momming and full time working? Umm…crickets!
My advice: take Thursday. Visit the gal pal that just had a baby and hold that sleeping newborn. Bring wine too!
Second advice: email me anytime because I have a couple different pairs of pissy pants that I don frequently.
Funny post! Thanks Steph.
Hey, it’s Fran!!! I will definitely email you rather than the peppy co-worker next time. I didn’t need her rainbows and sunshine yesterday 🙂
I will “hate life with you today” because anyone that says, “they are caught up with their work and just finished making homemade soup” deserves to be banned from the pissy pants inner circle. I happen to be wearing pissy pants today also. Only, mine are my beloved yoga pants. Covered in green boogers because my son is STILL sick. And yet, he managed to dump out EVERY single Lego and puzzle piece out today.
So, I feel ya mama! When you’re feeling better, please pop open a Malbec or Cabernet. It will do a body good!
Aww, man. I’m sorry to hear the little guy is STILL sick. This flu season has been the absolute worst. At least I’m in good company; if you’re having an off day, too, then I must not be that far gone!!
I so feel your pain. My asshat…er…husband comes home and asks what’s happened all day. When I tell him that the kid was sick, throwing fits, dinner is burned, blah blah, he makes a comment like, “oh, so no biggie…lemme tell you what happened to ME today.” Just between you and me…I burn only part of dinner…on purpose…and give it to him. 😉
TERRYE!!!! I love it 🙂 I never thought about hitting hubs where it hurts: mealtime. You’re a genius, lady, an absolute genius! Thank you for commenting AND the shout-out on our Bloppy Blogger page–very kind of you!!!
I’m a grandmother. It’s so nice being a grandmother. I’ve been where you are and I’ll say it again it’s so wonderful being a grandmother. Don’t shoot me. 🙂
But you do give me insight empathy into how tough it is for my daughter. So that’s a good thing.
Found you through Bloopy bloggers. Fun read!
Sandra, I’m not shooting you because Grandmothers make the BEST babysitters! And just because you’re not going through it now doesn’t mean you’ve never experienced Parenting Weeks from Hell. You’ve done something right to make it to Grandma status! Much luck to your daughter. Give her my number, we can vent together 😉
I have just taken my pissy pants off – been wearing them for a week or so. But yes, I know exactly what you mean when he says he has been working all day and you hear ‘I got to leave the house, have adult conversation and accomplish something’.
As I have said before, I love Mondays. Monday morning is when I drop Kid 1 at school, Kid 2 at nursery and can do some real work – ok, Im still at home but it’s a few mess free hours!
So glad to see your name in the comments!! Congrats on taking off your pissy pants! I’m hoping to do some laundry today, but I can’t guarantee mine will make into the washer 🙂
Tch – only just seen that tickbox down there to be notified of followup comments. I need to get used to these fangdangled self hosted sites!
I do, too, so don’t even worry about it!!!
I work outside home and I’m here to tell you that if anyone says that their work outside is harder than yours, I will personally punch them for you!! Being a SAHM is the hardest job on earth and a SAHM with sick kids….is just a saint, in my books!!
Hey, do take up his offer though…ignore the sick joke of exercise and instead, do all the others! Sounds like awesome fun!!
I love that you’ve got my back with your punch ready! I think ALL jobs moms do are the hardest because we seem to come wired with extra hormones and senses that make parenting a lot more hands-on and emotional for us! In the home, out of the home, paying job or no paycheck, all moms rock and every one should have a sidekick to punch a hater for them!
I hate it when I need a shoulder to cry on and that shoulder turns out to belong to superwoman! Or worse, when the person I’m complaining to tries to cheer me up by pointing out all the things I should be grateful for. Obviously if I’m complaining, I’m so not in the mood for counting anything but how much chocolate I can shove in my mouth or how many punches I can get in before the police arrive. Also, husbands should know better than to point out when their wives aren’t looking there best. We’ve already figured it out guys! Thanks for adding to the insecurity!
Exactly. I am grateful. I know I am fortunate, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed one bad day to vent! DAMN people, lay off 🙂 (Thanks for reading, Emily!)
I feel you. Just dealing with this yesterday…my husband likes to come home late on Fridays…to unwind after a grueling work week. Don’t get me wrong he deserves the downtime but I would love for him to please acknowledge the fact that he is making me work a double shift. On a Friday. Award for the most relatable line today: “all I hear is ‘I’m leaving the house! It’s a vacation! Weeeeeeeeeeee!'” Now I want to punch the love of my life in the nose.
Oh no, Christine!!!! Listen, the next time that happens, we’re getting together, throwing the kids in a room full of toys and drinking lots of wine. You and I, not the kids. Did it sound like I was promoting underage drinking right there because I am NOT. Anyway, here’ hoping neither one of us punched our beloveds in the nose 😉
I hope you’re not going to be upset that I laughed all the way through this post. Not at you, but with you. Because ONE DAY this will be funny? Right??? It has to be! Our lives are very similar right now, at least on this front. And my husband also golfs all the time. He is also a workout fanatic, and doesn’t understand why I get upset when he comes home from work and goes straight for a 45 minute run. Aaarrggghhh. Your friend is a weirdo. She must not have been born with the gene that empathizes when your girlfriend is having a rough day! It’s like when you complain about having a hard time losing weight, and your “friend” says “Well I lost 15 lbs in the past two weeks!” At least you have all of us! 🙂
Alexa, you are my new best friend. When are you available for a spa date, massive amounts of chocolate consumption, and/or a nap?