Before you feast your eyes upon my Theme Thursday post, please do kids everywhere a favor and hop on over to More Than Mommies for a second. Christine and Janene are sharing stories and statistics about bullying, and I’ve written something for them in hopes of raising awareness. You can read my contribution HERE. Don’t forget to sign their pledge to stop bullying while you’re there!
Those who know me, know that I’m reliable. Efficient. Organized. Responsible.
I mean, as a teacher and a parent, one kinda has to be those things, at least part of the time. But I’ve always been that girl, which is why my best friends broke up with me in Junior High. Being a loser in middle school apparently didn’t taint me; I went to college and became a Resident Assistant.
Free room and board? A monthly stipend? Sign me up! I went through the interview and the training process, and was hired as a Resident Assistant as a college sophomore. Essentially, I was a glorified babysitter, looking after people my age. I once had to chase a kid down the hallway because he was half-nekkid and high out of his mind. Good times.
Another resident came a’knockin’ at three in the morning asking me if I could help find her tampon; apparently, she had been busy earlier that night and she was concerned it was lost in translation, so to speak. Ummm, no.
And what RA job would be complete without a little mysterious defecation? I had to deal with the Ghost Pooper; a drunk who would dump on our shower floors and disappear before we could catch her. Yes, her.
Guys, I needed a night out. Like, bad. I was coming off of a break-up with my high school sweetheart and people were asking me to perform voluntary cavity searches on them. I deserved a night out.
This is where the do-over, my mulligan, comes in. It’s important to note that I was fired for going out on this particular night. So were, like, nine other RAs. Hilarious. Some say it was because we were underage, blahblahblah. Anyway, I don’t want to rewrite this entire chapter of my life; I just want to add some juicy nuggets: a pinch of debauchery, a sprinkle of chaos, and a splash of inhibition. I’m still getting canned, so why not get a little nuts? Nutser?
I would’ve danced on tables. I would’ve taken off my pants. I would’ve performed karaoke solos. I would have done one more shot (and maybe another) and laughed until I literally peed myself (I had taken my pants off, so it didn’t matter, remember?). I would have reconsidered when that tall guy with the ridiculously blue eyes suggested we go some place quieter. I would have gone streaking on campus like Will Ferrell’s character in Old School. I would have, inevitably, vomited all over myself because I never could hold my liquor. But dammit, it would have been epic. And so worth getting fired over.
I still remember calling my parents to tell them the news: I lost my job. The job that made college affordable. Shit.
My dad’s response: Did you have fun?
Sure did, Dad. But I could’ve done better. *Wink.