I used to play at a friend’s house where her father’s gun cabinet was the first thing we saw when we ran downstairs to her game room. Long rifles with thick straps were right there, at the base of the steps, staring at us. I remember feeling intimidated because my parents didn’t own guns, my father didn’t hunt. In fact, my family is a rare commodity in western Pennsylvania, as none of us hunt.
SHUN HER!!!
Okay, simmer down Pennsylvanians.
Despite my friend growing up with the gun cabinet permanently situated a floor below her bedroom, she never entertained the idea of opening it or “playing” with its contents. For one, the cabinet was locked. Also? Her dad put the fear of God into her and all of her friends who came into the house: you do not touch the guns.
I can’t speak to whether or not the guns were loaded, but I know for sure they were inaccessible, out of reach behind wood and glass and metal, and had I so much as looked at them crooked, my ass would have been grass.
Unfortunately, that was not the case for Daniel*.
Daniel was a middle school boy, well-liked by teachers and other students. The constant smile on his face hid the struggle with his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and as far as friends could tell, he was dealing with her break-up/make-up routine fairly well. After all, it was middle school. Isn’t that what boyfriends and girlfriends do in middle school?
You know what they don’t do? They don’t shoot themselves in the face in front of their best friend in a game room just like the one I used to play in.
I can’t even begin to understand what Daniel was feeling as he planned to commit suicide over a girl. One so careless with his heart; technology made it all too easy for her malicious words to seep into Daniel’s pores. Empathy vanishes when behind a keyboard.
How did Daniel get the gun that would end his life and shatter his family’s?
Why wasn’t the gun locked or unloaded?
Did Daniel’s friend, whose innocence was destroyed upon witnessing the brutal scene unfold, even know there were guns in the house?
Did his parents?
I am not telling you this story as an anti-gun kind of gal. I share this with you because I am a pro-kid kind of gal. The kind who wants to save a life (or a trillion) by asking a simple question: are there unlocked firearms in your home?
If the answer to the above inquiry is yes, my children will not be playing at your house. If they do, I will be with them, on them, like flies on fresh crap because there is absolutely no way I am taking a chance that what happened to Daniel may happen to my kids. Or what happens to nine kiddos every day:
The risks too great; the stakes too high. Our children should not be an afterthought. They are our priority. And that is why the Center to Prevent Youth Violence has launched the ASK Campaign here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
ASK (Asking Saves Kids) is exactly what it claims to be: a simple question.
The ASK Campaign inspires parents to protect their children by asking, “Is there a gun where my child will play?” when arranging their children’s playdates or visits to others’ homes. ‘Tis the season for visiting. Great Aunt Sally’s fruit cake will beckon you to her house; Gramma and Pap’s turkey and fixings will find you at theirs. Maybe your little one made a new friend at school and the break from class is the perfect time for them to hang out. Lots of places for our kids to go. Are they all safe? Food and friendship aside, ASK.
The ASK Campaign’s initiative extends across Allegheny County, but that doesn’t mean the question stops here. Be proactive. Be responsible. Be a life-saver. ASK.
So what comes after ASKing? You can certainly start by liking the ASK Facebook page. From there, I hope you will spread the word. Raise awareness. And seriously, ASK.
For more information on the ASK Campaign, check out an op-ed in the Post-Gazette and a news article in the Tribune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIuaN3nMmSc
*I changed Daniel’s name for the sake of privacy. Feel free to replace Daniel with your child’s name as this could be your story if you are not a responsible gun owner or if you don’t ASK.
We don’t have a gun in our house and I don’t think we will ever have one. My son has never had a toy gun at all but we do talk to him about why we don’t. We tell him he can have one when he becomes an adult if he takes up the interest but we encourage him to to learn as much as he can about gun safety and all that before he decides to get one. Owning a gun is a big responsibility.
Great, great post.
Education is definitely key!
I am from a small, rural community, and everyone had guns. I’m sure they still do. I don’t know about my new community, because it never occurred to me to ask. Thank you for this sad reminder.
I’m from the same kind of community, yet I never thought to ask this question. Probably because my kids are too young to have free reign while at someone else’s house, but I know for future instances. Thanks for reading, lady 😉
SUCH an important message. That statistic of 9 kids every day is just shocking…and SO unnecessary. I will be asking, and I will act accordingly. In a country where guns are so plentiful, all parents should think about this. –Lisa
Thanks so much for weighing in, Lisa. You would not believe how many gun owners are offended by this campaign and other parents’ “audacity” at asking such a question. Morons…
Such an important topic!! So glad you’re shedding light on it! There’s nothing–NOTHING–more important than the safety of our children.
Thanks for talking about this!
So happy you’re on board, Mama! THANK YOU!
This is a hard topic to bring up these days because it is such a hot button issue. Thank you for calling attention to what is truly important. We can’t make decisions for other people but we can at least get them thinking.
Debbie, you’re absolutely right about this being a hot button issue. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have guns. I’m not even saying gunowners have to tell me WHERE they keep their guns. All I want to know is ARE THERE FIREARMS WITHIN MY CHILD’S REACH. If the answer is yes, then it’s a no-go.
This is such a sad story 🙁 Thanks for sharing this important reminder. And I love that you can still make us laugh while grappling with such a serious topic. “Okay, simmer down Pennsylvanians.”?? You are too much 🙂
I do what I can, Meredith 😉 I think the experts call it levity; I just call it my inability to distinguish between what’s appropriate and what’s not!
I’m so glad you are addressing this topic–it’s such a scary thing. When my kids were little I ALWAYS asked the parents if they were gun owners before I allowed my kids to go over and play. Now my 18 yr. old is interested in taking up hunting and wants a good hunting gun. Um…NOOOO, our grandchild comes here for visits. I’m not taking that chance!
Thanks for having the campaign’s back, Marcia!!! Hug your little grandbaby for me 😉
Man, the idea of my child being in someone’s house with an unlocked firearm scares the crap out of me. Thank you so much for making me think about this, and for still making me laugh when writing about such a serious topic. I WILL be asking this question…when I am brave enough to go to another playdate. 😉
Right?! What scares me even more is that there are people out there who will tell us it’s none of our business if they have unlocked firearms. It’s not like I”m asking for the exact location and the key to the damn safe. COME ON!
I hate guns, but I do understand that I live in a state where hunting is common. This is a really great reminder. I will remember this post next time my kids visit a friend I don’t know. So worth the ask!
Definitely worth the ask. Thanks so much, Jennifer! xo
This is a great campaign and I’m so glad you wrote about it – I’ve had this conversation with many friends and not a single one of us knew how to ask about guns in the house. Thank you!
It’s not an easy topic to broach, especially when risking that you’ll offend the gunowner. It’s not about being pro-gun or anti-gun; it’s about being pro-safety!!! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Thanks for highlighting such an important topic! I agree 100%! You’re so right tto position this as pro-kid. If it ‘s a choice between potentially hurting the feelings of a play date host — or potentially endangering my child, you can guess which side I’m going to land on!
Pro-kid all the way! Thanks for reading, Darcy 😉
My husband and I feel strongly about not letting our kids play somewhere unless we know that there aren’t any guns in the house, yet it is such an uncomfortable topic to bring up. There are a few exceptions for people we know well and have seen how heir firearms tare secured. After all, I bet at LEAST 8 of those 9 gun owners responsible for children’s deaths each day would consider themselves “responsible gun owners”. Have you ever heard anyone describe themselves as an “irresponsible gun owner”? Everyone seems to think their kids are safe until the awful moment that they aren’t.
Excellent point, Liz: Have you ever heard anyone describe themselves as an “irresponsible gun owner”? Everyone seems to think their kids are safe until the awful moment that they aren’t.
Thanks so much for reading and weighing in!