Winter is long–so long–’round these parts, and as kids do, parents tend to come down with a case of cabin fever, too. In an effort to combat the elements and serve Mother Nature the junk punch she deserves, a bunch of us 30-somethings intent on reliving our glory days took to a friend’s house to christen his new bar. We had ourselves a barwarming party, if you will. We recruited grandparents and babysitters to watch over our broods so we could have a few carefree hours of no diaper changing and no “I wanted dat toy but he tooked it and won’t share!” It was Date Night for Parents! No Kids Allowed! Parents’ Night Out! Weeeee!
The shindig barely underway, I realized I was in over my head. Even when I was in high school a legal 21-year-old, I couldn’t hold my liquor. A few drinks and I’d giggle myself to sleep; more than a few and someone has to hold my hair back. Though not much has changed today, I’m still the groggy, happy drunk after two shots, and a complete mess after two and a half, I was determined to make the most of our night sans kids.
Despite our best efforts, there were undeniable contrasts between partying like College Crazies of 2000 vs. Tired Parents of 2013. For starters, no one was underage. In fact, some of the guys willingly brought chaperons: their dads. Seriously, there were grandfathers playing beer pong. They threw at the cups underhand and made a disgrace of the game, but they were so dang cute we just smiled and nodded at them.
Some other indications that we can’t hang like we used to…
1. The party started at 4:30 in the afternoon.
2. It no longer takes me 3 hours to get ready to go out (the most time consuming part is now stuffing myself into Spanx). I threw concealer over the black circles adorning my under eyes and put my hair in a ponytail. READY!
3. We didn’t pre-game. Unless you count three games of Candyland, then I pre-gamed the hell outta that.
4. My husband brought his famous chili. CHILI. If this had been 10 years ago, and he told the guys he was bringing a crockpot of beans instead of a six-pack, they would have banned him for life.
5. Everyone remained fully clothed for the duration of the party.
6. We did do shots, but they consisted of specialty vodka and Godiva liquor, and were served in fresh, hollowed-out strawberries with a dollop of whipped cream on top. Pinkies up, bitches.
7. We had designated drivers. #Responsible
8. Instead of taking sexy selfies, we showed off Instagram pics of our kids.
9. In the first round of flip cup, I accidentally flipped the cup the wrong way. When my team won, I expected a riot or the boys to start punching each other, but no one even batted an eye. Flip cup circa college times? That mess would’ve gotten someone bloodied.
10. I drunk dialed our babysitter.
and one to grow on…
11. I wanted to get pregnant after the party.
I was hurtin’ the next day and had to eat my weight in carbs and wear sunglasses to regain my equilibrium, but it was worth it.
That said, the next time we have the bright idea to live it up à la college, I will suggest a matinee or staying in, ordering pizza, and watching House Hunters on HGTV. Go big or go home, that’s my motto.
I just laughed out loud reading this… So hilarious and I can definitely relate.
Oh, thank you, Vicki!!! So glad it made ya laugh AND you know where I’m comin’ from 😉
SMH you are hilarious! 9 and 10 had me cracking up. And as for 5…that sounds yummy!!! LMAO!
#5 WAS yummy!! 😉
This is so funny Steph! I am still friends with many of the people I was 20+ years ago! We don’t all get together as much anymore but when we do…all bets off! We still act like we are about 16! It’s fun but truly for the best that we can’t schedule “nights out” that often. About a month ago we had a dinner party with the kids in tow and we couldn’t stop cracking up that we were at the age to have “dinner parties”!!! We were much more behaved that night!
Ah yes, the kid-inclusive dinner parties. Another sign that we’re no longer 22 🙂 Truly, though–I love’em! I love when my friends and all of our kids get together!
OK – number 1. Whats flip cup?
Number 2 – ‘specialty vodka and Godiva liquor served in fresh, hollowed-out strawberries ‘ – sounds yum. And that is exactly what makes being past the frat days great. 1. We have taste and 2. We can afford to have taste.
My step-niece just hit 16. She wanted to bring her new boyfriend to our party. We said that was fine, but he had to bring a ‘named brand’ bottle and not dump some cheap turpentine on the side before necking all of my quality vodka! How mean am !!?
So glad you asked!! http://www.wikihow.com/Play-Flip-Cup
Now that looks like my kinda game!
Good times!
This. Is. AWESOME! Wonderfully written and full of fabulous hilarity. A bright light in the bleakness if my day! Thank you for the trip down memory lane and the reminder that I was, once, a deviant young adult *cough* as well.
Vania, thank YOU for reading and commenting. Comments make my heart happy 🙂
Pinkies up bitches! Loved it. I do drink wine on occasion (no big shocker) but anything more than that and I’m toast. Glad you got to get out!
Oh I was toast. Burnt toast. But it was FUN!
At this age that’s only kind of shot I’d be willing to do!
Right?! It was scrumptious!!
I threw up in my mouth a little just thinking of this!
But those shots sound HEAVENLY. Don’t forget about them so we remember to make them when we have drinks together!!!
YES! I like that you’re thinking about this, Dani. We need to get Meredith on board 😉
11) No Keg and therefore No Keg Stands
12) How many Frat parties have “Tommy James and the Shondells” blaring on the sound system?
I forgot about the music! The Notre Dame Fight Song–really?! 😉
I’m totally going to make those strawberry shots! I love being a grown-up and not spending half of my life on hangovers. Drunk dialing the babysitter…hilarious!
The shots were to die for! Fortunately, my babysitter was amused rather than irritated, so we haven’t lost a good sitter. Whew!
Flip cup? You played flip cup? That’s impressive.
We meant business, Wendy. 😉
This is one of my favorite posts of yours- EVER! I will now promptly tweet it. Also, I love that the party started at 4:30!
You’re so kind to pimp me out!!!! I figured after your college post, you would “get it!” Thanks, Stephanie!!!!
Wanna know the #1 difference: It’s a hell of a lot more fun to party now. Seriously, I dont’ care how I look, I’m not trying get a guy, I’m not competing with other girls to get a guy, no noe is going to barf or cry (except maybe me) and we can actually afford to buy alcohol AND still have money left to eat and do laundry for the rest of the month.
Grown up drinking is waaay better than college drinking!
Vicky
True story, Vicky! Although I did crave a 99 cent burrito from Taco Bell after my foray into the adult college drinking party, but it was nice to have the option with a few extra bucks in my pocket 😉
Sounds like a fun party! I must confess, I still take flip cup really seriously.
And I love that about you, Jill. 🙂
Word. I would say more but I’m still fighting off my hangover from Saturday night. Where I was the life of the party and talked about my kids and husband all night long. #toocoolforschool
I have the best intentions of forgetting about my children when I’m at a party or somewhere with other adults, but dammit if they aren’t always the topic of conversation!
Ha!!! So true!!! My how things have changed …
And it takes days to feel like you’ve “bounced back” … that hungover feeling lingers for days!
I may not be a quick learner 😉