Masturbation and Rap Music

Well, hello there!

I’ve written a how-to manual for one of today’s topics, masturbation or rap music. You have to get clicky to figure out which!

To read the masturbation piece, click HERE

To read the rap music piece, click HERE

My daughter turns two today, so if you need me, I’ll be curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my living room. I’ve yet to decide if it’s because I’m sad my baby is no longer a baby or if it’s because I’m frightened of her. It’s probably the latter, but don’t tell her I told you–she’ll throw her shoe at the back of my head while I’m driving again.

Happy Thursday, pals!


Will you help me win a contest?! Click HERE, “like” Scary Mommy’s Facebook page, click The Book Tour, and cast a vote for the adorable blonde kid on the potty with the iPad! We can vote once a day (from our phones AND computers!) until noon on May 12th. THANK YOU!!!!

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  1. You have a Taurean daughter. God help you. That is all. Happy Birthday Crazytoddler!

  2. Aw, Steph, I feel your pain. When my son turned two, I had mixed emotions as well. Just scoop that little firecracker in your arms and hold her as long as you can. Happy Birthday Miss Ella!

    Also, in case I don’t catch you later, I want to wish a fabulous Mother’s Day. Hope your day is sprinkled with hugs, kisses, and a HUGE win in the Scary Mommy Contest! :)

    • Thank you, Anka!!! Ella’s big day was a smashing success and we’re actually in the lead (big time) in the SM contest! My blogging buddy Karen from Baby Sideburns was kind enough to ask her 90,000 Facebook followers to vote! I feel bad because I think the lady that was in first place hates me now. She commented on my blog and I’m sad!

      On a happy note, HAPPY, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU!!!

  3. Aw happy birthday to your sweet baby big girl! <3
    And I'm totally choosing masturbation. Duh. Oh and new news includes: I don't know how to spell masturbation.

  4. Congrats! And it looks like coprophilia might just win the day!

  5. Your posts stopped showing up in my feed! Grrrrr. So I missed Ella’s b-day! But I hope you stopped crying and enjoyed it just a little. I understand how you feel. I don’t want to allow Declan to turn 2. Can’t I stop him?

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