My husband and I have always shared the exciting news of our impending arrivals the second I peed on a stick. We figured extra prayers and good thoughts were welcome regardless of the outcome. Also? I can’t keep a secret to save my sorry self.
We kinda sorta thought people who knew and cared about us would be, oh what’s the word?, happy for us to start a family. Or at the very least they would offer well wishes and be miserable about it behind our backs. Needless to say, we were genuinely surprised to find that that wasn’t always the case.
When I got pregnant with our oldest, I was in my first year of teaching at a new high school (my fifth year total in the profession). I distinctly remember approaching my principal to share the news, wringing my hands together to avoid the applause I was about to give myself for getting knocked up. I did hop up and down twice, but at least I didn’t clap for myself. In public.
Anyway, I told my principal that I was expecting my first beautiful bundle of baby, and a look of sheer panic immediately spread across his face. And then he said it:
“Congratulations! But…what about that Advanced Placement curriculum you’ve been writing?!”
“Uh, I’ll finish it.”
“Are you coming back to teach it?”
“I plan to.”
Listen, I understand that maternity leave can throw a monkey wrench into professional doings, but really?! P.S. You know what they say about the best laid plans…I didn’t go back. So suck it.
Mostly, though, our family and friends were thrilled for Baby #1. Everyone wanted to know how I was feeling, what it felt like when the baby move, was I nervous at the idea of childbirth?, etc. And the moment I went into labor, life stopped for our loved ones because they were waiting with bated breath for the arrival of this perfect human being who would bring so much joy into our lives. And he did. And it was wonderful.
And then, 13-months later, I got pregnant again.
Before you ask, it was planned.
Shortly after that perfect boy celebrated his first birthday, we announced the impending arrival of his brother or sister. And holy cannoli was the reception different. Instead of enthusiasm, we got questions. In fact, someone actually had the gull to say, “How can you do this to your son?! He’ll have no time to just be him.”
Slow. Your. Roll.
I took out my earrings and Vaselined my hair back after that noise.
How could we do what to our son? Give him a sibling? A best friend? A forever playmate? How dare we continue expanding our family based on a silly little dream we had to be parents?
THE NERVE!
There weren’t as many enthusiastic inquiries or phone calls from some of the formerly-excited-about-Baby-#1 pals. I actually found myself trying not to talk about the pregnancy because I knew not everyone was ecstatic about it like my husband and I.
Unfortunately, the transition from one to two kids was, in short, hard as hell. Our daughter was a difficult baby, constantly crying and/or nursing, refusing a bottle, and rarely sleeping, which left this Mama frazzled and exhausted. (Fun fact: it was at that time I started this here blog, and the title When Crazy Meets Exhaustion came oh-so-easily. Bathe yourselves in the history, friends).
In large part, our baby girl was shunned. Someone in my own family actually refused to hold her because she would cry. I was told I was spoiling her because she wouldn’t cry when I held her. Ummm…I had the boob full of milk, so…
Others called her names like Sour Puss and made comments like “that’s a woman for ya!,” when she was overly fussy. I hated, I mean loathed, that my beautiful, although stubborn, daughter was welcomed into our world that way. Then, around 6-months, she started being a regular human and smiling and sitting up and interacting with people. Still, she preferred me to, well, everything, but somehow the husband and I slipped away for one over-nighter and everyone lived to tell the tale.
And we conceived Baby #3 that night.
KIDDING!!!!!!
It took at least another year.
Fast forward and the boy is 4 years-old, the girl is 2, and the husband and I are in talks to have a third. (Biology lesson of the day: it takes more than talking to make a baby. From me to you, with love).
As I sit and type this, memories of Third Baby Conversations infuriate me because of the way a few people made it their job to list the reasons why we were insane to want another kid:
Kids will outnumber the parents. (I’m bad at math, but duh).
That’s another college tuition.
Your free time is dwindling.
Who will watch THREE kids?!
Date nights are a thing of the past.
Don’t you have enough to do already?
When Kid 1 has practice and Kid 2 has a recital and Kid 3 has a doctor’s appointment, how will two parents manage it all?
Then a near-and-dear to me offered: Just because you have this dream to be a family of five doesn’t mean you have to make it come true.
Funny. I thought that’s why we had dreams: to achieve them.
So, I did it. I got knocked up. And despite popular opinion that we are insane, the husband and I shared the news right away. It was sad yet amusing to watch as some tip-toed around our announcement, like they were waiting for me to go bananas if their reaction was anything less than ecstatic. In all honesty, I would have done the bananas things. I was poised like a hangry tiger ready to pounce on unsuspecting prey. Only my “prey” knew what was up.
Some were absolutely thrilled for us; others reacted with lukewarm congratulations. We expected it, but it still stung.
Complete strangers have forced me to mentally punch them in the throat when they’ve blatantly offended me. Take this gem, for instance: my family and I are at a little girl’s birthday party and a woman whom I have never met asks if I want to hear her philosophy on having three kids. Before I can jab forks in my ears, she’s all, “With two parents and three kids, there’s always one child left unsupervised.” Obviously she has never stepped foot into a classroom where there is sometimes 1 teacher for 30+ students, but I digress.
Who in their right mind would say something like that to a hormonal pregnant lady whose daughter just accidentally smeared dog poo all over the host’s upholstered dining room chairs?
Friends, so sorry about those chairs.
Someone who was, as my dad used to say, cruising for a bruising.
As I enter the second trimester of what will probably be my last pregnancy, our last child, I find myself repeating the mantra, “to each her own.” The way I do things may not work for someone else, and vice versa, but at the very least, we can respect one another’s differences, right? Though, in the back of my mind, I am mulling over some random worries…
Are grandparents worried they’ll be burdened with another grandchild?
Are friends stressed at the idea of including another kid?
Is our bank account crying at the idea of three children?
I shake off those thoughts as quickly as they creep into my head because, at the end of the day, this is about me, the husband, the kids. Period.
So today, I vow to stop worrying about what others think. What others have said, to our faces and behind our backs. I refuse to think of my children as burdens or expenses because that’s how others see them. I am so over explaining to friends why we can’t attend every adult-only shindig, and apologizing for it.
My focus is D-Day (Delivery Day) and after that, we’ll see who is still standing beside us. For anyone who chooses to stay behind, they can kiss my whole ass while they’re back there.
I think you’re awesome for having 3 (or more, if you so choose). I’m lucky to have my one miracle baby and I’m thankful for that everyday. The naysayers can kiss your a**.
Thank you so much, Suzanne. And hugs to you and your miracle baby 🙂
After a night where my daughter woke up at 2am and stayed up til 1pm the next day, I told my husband I still want a third kid. You are living my dream, Stephanie. I hope to achieve family of five status soon. 100% on your side.
Also, there’s a football term for when one man is against two, I don’t know what it is but I’ve heard it describe the three kid situation. Super Bowls are won every year. Or something like that. I’m sure you guys will be happy, healthy, and fine. The haters can suck it.
Goooooo Family of Five!!!!!! (And are you referring to going from man-to-man to zone defense? Yeah, I’ve heard it all!) 😉
My niece is the best little girl in the world always has been always will be I don’t care how much she cried or how much she eats she is the best
She is the best, isn’t she?!
This is my story almost exactly. We got pregnant (planted) when my son was 10 months old. We were really excited and people were skeptical. My daughter was very colicky and then when she was 10 weeks old I was incapacitated with servere postpartum depression. I don’t want to rule a third out but I’m worried that if we ever do go for it people will get all judgey:(
I hate that this is your experience, Eva. Keep on keepin’ on, Mama xo
Dear Steph,
Like we don’t talk enough at work, but this is the first time I feel COMPELLED to agree with you to such a point, I’m writing publicly in YOUR feedback box. So, I couldn’t agree with you. Parenting and adolescence are two of the worst times in your life because of OTHER people; like the air constantly REEKS of judgement. It makes me ill. Among the many dissenting voices of grandparents, parents, siblings, doormen, uncles, your other kids, et al, I completely agree with you when you say “suck it. It’s my life, go get your own.” Does that sound harsh? Well, suck it again, then!!!!! Ugh. I loathe the judgement that comes with parenting. Spare me the guillotine people. Love ya, Fran
Okay, Fran, you need to start blogging because this? Exactly.
Parenting and adolescence are two of the worst times in your life because of OTHER people; like the air constantly REEKS of judgement.
You’re taking me to London, right? 😉
I’m gonna keep it real for a second…three kids is not easy. Yet, here I am contemplating kid 4. You guys will rock the three kids world. And everyone who dares to say or suggest otherwise? May they have itches in places they cannot reach. 🙂 Although hard, I cannot imagine life without this little dude.
Heck no it’s not easy! Hell, two was super hard for us! But it’s worth it, especially if you’re contemplating a fourth. And especially if after our experiences with our daughter, we wanted a third!
May they have itches in places they can’t reach. Heaven.
I love everything about you. Including how many children YOU choose to have. Everyone who thinks they have a say in how often you breed can lick me where I bleed.
Cripe, I should know by now not to drink anything when I read your comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Proudest parenting moment thus far? I was nursing Bob Marley and I made him laugh so hard that my milk came out of his nose. God help my children…
Congrats to you!! The more the merrier. 🙂
Thanks, Ellen <3
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I’m jealous of you guys who are brave enough to go for #3. Congrats, Momma! And don’t let those naysayers steal your joy!
THANK YOU, Meredith! We’re all brave for having kids. This shit is scary!
People are so RUDE! Why can’t people keep their mouth shut???? This makes me want to go slap some people. Grrrrrrr….
Aren’t they?!!!!!
Our third was unplanned but I wouldnt’t change a thing. Where babies #1 and #2 were fussy and high-maintenance, #3 was calm, quiet, and easy to be around, thank goodness. Each kid brings a whole new dimension to your life. And the comments of others? Who else can possibly know your situation and your family the way you do? Ignore them – unless they’re actually helpful.
Oh, and congratulations!
Thanks so much, Sarah! And congrats to you and your three! xo
Wow! I have three kids (7, 6, 5) and am contemplating a fourth. My family is constantly throwing hints at us about how crazy we would be to even think of having another. But hey, to each their own! I don’t let it phase me! I make my own choices. Congratulations on baby #3 and I wish you a healthy pregnancy. Can’t wait for the arrival of your little bundle!
Thanks so much, Ida! And I say ignore those hints and do what your heart tells you to do! Within reason, of course; you’re not gonna Duggar out on me, are ya? 😉
Congratulations! And that’s all that matters!
Amen to that, woman!
When I was pg with my fifth, my dad said, “Don’t you know how that happens by now? It’s not from eating watermelon seeds and drinking rain water.” Ha ha. I think some of the worst comments have come from my parents. When I got pg with my third when my twins were eleven months old, my mom actually middle-named me and asked how I was going to handle it. It’s lovely, isn’t it?
Isn’t it sad when it comes from our families? Which many of my comments did…blah.
Middle-named you! Now THAT made me laugh!!!!
I prayed and begged and pleaded with God to have our third child. Now we have her, and despite the fact that she’s my big Fuss Box I wouldn’t trade having her at all! I love having three kids. I wouldn’t want anymore.
Oh, Crystal, this makes me so happy! Thrilled you got your Fuss Box and all is well!!!
You go girl!! Love to see you all riled up. And kick a stuffed animal while you’re at it too.
Kick a stuffed animal! I died!!!!!
OMG I can’t believe how RUDE people have been to you!!! I have 4 kids and I will admit, after the first I didn’t get a huge, warm reception. By the time I had the fourth, a few people “jokingly” said, “Ok you can stop now…” I am HAPPY to see people like you having as many babies as you desire because I know you are AWESOME parents and are raising some incredible little human beings there. I am very excited for you and only wish you the best! XO
I certainly didn’t expect a parade for each kid, and this post surely doesn’t represent EVERYONE’S response or reaction. But the fact that the negative remain with me after all this time (and we’ve experienced it yet again with #3), I just had to write about it! THANK YOU for your kind words, Marcia; I like to think the husband and I are doing our best 🙂
People (and comments) like those make me want to spit and throw a shoe!
Let me know when you’re spitting and throwing so I can duck 😉
I thought I was going to say something profound but all I can come up with is:
People are jerks and they should be ninja chopped in the neck.
As someone who struggled with years of infertility before becoming a mom, I would be appalled by anyone who sees a baby as anything less than an absolute miracle and gift from heaven, and would tell them as much. Grrrrr.
On a semi-related note I want to apologize for totally feeling up your bump at the candy store like an inappropriate weirdo. I suppose I have saved at least a little bit of awkward for social situations, and what’s a girl to do with no available lamps around. I think I just knew how excited you were about the pregnancy with all of the baby sniffing you were doing the last time we met, and I was excited that you were excited. And what displays more enthusiasm than energetically rubbing a belly as though you expect a genie to come out of it?
So, on one hand you have these jerk faces that are underwhelmed and in some cases almost offended by your pregnancy, and there I am on the other side so excited that I felt the need to physically touch the baby in order to express my approval. At least I stopped shy of writing: “This pregnancy is Jenn approved” on your belly.
Your excitement and belly rubs (which weren’t creepy, I promise!) are profound enough for me, Jenn. THANK YOU!!!! Although, if you want to grab that sharpie and have at my belly bump, there’s definitely enough room for a Jenn approved message 😉
Oh how I just LOVE this Stephanie!!
AMEN girl. Oh, and by the way- I believe ahem… a human being brought into this world is the THE most beautiful miracle in THIS world. EVER.
So suck it all you people who are being RUDE to my dear amazing prego friend who is having a freaking MIRACLE.
Suck it.
😉
Makes me sad that not everyone is as thrilled as you, especially because we don’t rely on anyone 24/7 for help, financial or otherwise. So I just can’t see why not everyone is like WEEEEE! BABIES! Meh. At least you’re happy for us, friend 😉
First off, you’re freaking hilarious :).
Second, I’m currently preggo with my first babe (literally due any day) and I’ve been astonished at the number of people who find it appropriate to tell me (first time mama) their horror stories… And complete strangers! I had a woman at a makeup counter tell me about how she had a seizure during childbirth when her 11lb baby was stuck in her pelvis and they had to break her pelvic bone to get him out.. Oh and he had 6 fingers on each hand… *why thank you makeup lady, now can you please get me my lipgloss and I’ll be on my horrified way*.
I never in a million years thought about the fact that people will still continue to offer their unwarranted opinion on something as personal as how many children to have.. Unless you’re the octomom, of course.
I think it’s great that you’re having a third… Your children will have amazing memories of growing up in a large family! Mazel!!
That’s a whole other ball of wax; we do NOT want your horror stories, ladies!!! If that’s all you have to offer, just smile and nod and throw up a prayer that we don’t have to go through whatever craziness you did!!
THANK YOU for reading and for your kind words. I hope you’ve popped out that baby by now. CONGRATS!!!!!!! Report back on sex, name, and all other pertinent info, please 😉
Some people are just so bloody rude. I wouldn’t dream of saying anything other than congratulations to someone who told me they were pregnant. Although my best friend did tell me if I contemplated a fifth, she’d personally sterilise me… something about shoving her hand up somewhere and ripping tubes out. It wasn’t pretty… I’d go for another two just to put an exclamation mark on it. Oh, you thought I said I had a dream to be a family of five? Nah, I said a MOTHER of five… 😉
I do recall your friend saying that to you! As long as you’re laughing about it, I can laugh, too; otherwise, let me at’er!!!
Hope you and yours are doing well??? xo
Um…I’m pretty sure I’d be knocked up again if I didn’t have that stupid gutting, er, csection. I have to wait a year. I want three kids. I’ll ruin their lives, they might as well have each other for support. It’s cheaper than therapy! Kick them in the knees Steph. You’re short, they might not even notice you. I’m always happy for EVERYONE who is bringing a bambino into this world (other than my 12 year old middle school students, but heck, that’s another story) No ONE should ever open their mouth about the number of kids you have. Non of their business!!!
Oh, dude. The C-section. I feel your pain.
And you’re right: I am short. I’m goin’ in.
😉
When I told people I was pregnant with my 3rd, I got stares and “was that planned?” Type reactions. I ended up having a “chemical pregnancy” and miscarried just a week later, but am still trying for the third. Good for you- and honestly, the only person’s happiness you need to be worried about are yours and your immediate family’s. enjoy the rest of you pregnancy!!
I’m soooo sorry to hear about the miscarriage. Here’s hoping #3 is meant to be and it all works out, despite the naysayers and stupid questions. Hugs, Mama!
Brilliant post!! I feel your pain so entirely. I fell pregnant with #2 when #1 was only 5 months old and you should have seen the faces. My husband’s aunt even told me that when you have them so close together the new baby is “deprived” in utero and will probably come out autistic…
My response: “ok, so should I abort now or wait and see, cause whats done is done….”. The nerve. My second was also a super difficult little colicky devil and you could just see the i told you so’s on everyone’s face. Nobody stuck around or offered support. I’m pregnant with #3 (#1 and #2 are respectively 2yrs and 1 yr old) and though I get looks, I get very few comments cause I have a “f*&ked off” look on my face (husband’s words, not mine) whenever someone looks in my direction with eyebrows raised. I may yet end up in jail pregnant, having punched someone in the boob for an insensitive comment. I have just about had it. Had a fight with my sister the other day and she said I was just hormonal because I was stupid enough to fall pregnant again. She lived to tell the tale. But only cause her kids were watching.
Solidarity sister!!! I have yet to receive your peaceful resolve to not let it bother me, but I’m praying for it daily, cause my blood pressure can only take so much 🙂
WHAT?!!!!!!! You mean a woman actually said that to another woman?! She needs kicked where the sun don’t shine. I am speechless.
Keep your f*ck off face; you’re gonna need it! CONGRATS on #3 and good luck!
First of all, congratulations!!! Second, everyone has an opinion no matter what so totally and absolutely F them!! I have twins and there was plenty to be said about that, the least of which was “did you have them naturally?” No, I created them out of thin air because I can totally do that shit. Just enjoy you and your family!
Thanks so much, Allie! And congrats on your magical powers–I don’t know anyone who can create twins out of thin air 😉
I like “Why do you need a third? You already got your boy and girl.’ Because if your children were the same gender, everyone can understand why you would be crazy enough to have *gasp* three children. “Ah, trying for that girl/boy, huh?”
Damn, girl. Three kids? Like a Dugger, ain’t ya? I’m a little freaked out. All of my friends are knocking out the third (or FOURTH) baby, and I’m worried I’m going to catch it.
We’ve gotten plenty of that because we do have a boy and girl. But SHUT UP, right?!
Like a Duggar 🙂 Bahahahahaha! It may be contagious, Amy…don’t drink the water.
Ohhhh, I have SO many swear words for those people. There are exactly two people whose business it is what you do with your uterus: you and your husband. And even he only gets to make suggestions. 😉
Only suggestions–I like the sound of that 😉
As someone trying (with heartbreaking lack of success) for a first baby, I will say that it doesn’t matter what ANYONE else says. If you want 3 kids, or if you want 1 or if you want 10 its no one’s business but YOU and Mr. “CrazyMeetsExhaustion’s”. You know that old saying: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all? That’s where this comes into play. My mother-in-law (who thankfully has since changed her tune) once said (before we were married) that she hoped her son and I never procreate (due to our drastically differing religious beliefs.) How’s that for sad trombones? Little did she know we would have trouble conceiving. Guess she got her wish, huh?
People-even those with non-malicious intentions say really stupid things sometimes. 🙁 Enjoy your little ones, and tell the rest of them to buzz off!
OH, Rose 🙁 This makes me so sad. And I hate that your MIL said what she did and THEN you’ve since struggled. I don’t think some people realize just how their words cut us and stick with us, ya know? Good luck; I’ll keep you in my prayers!
I adore having three. And I am so very, very, very happy for you. Congratulations. But we live in a child-hating culture. Tis true. It looks like a child-centred culture (TOYS!). It’s not. xoxo
You know, I think you’re right. Everything pretends to be children-centered, but it seems like having more than one is viewed as a burden. The value of family and extended family participation and presence has definitely dwindled. Sad trombones.
NEW RESPONSE to these people you mention in your post…
when they ask you why you are having another/lack of people to watch them all/ blabbity blabbity you just explain that your ultimate plan is to keep having babies until your oldest starts taking care of the youngest. That could wind up being three kids or twelve kids or somewhere in between, it really all depends on the oldest child to get his act together and what is UP with him??? Why hasn’t he yet?!
(PS- I don’t have many grown up conversations)
Oooh I like that! Or I should just start agreeing with them: “You’re right. I hate kids. What the eff am I doing?! DO YOU WANT THIS ONE?” *points to stomach*
absolutely bloody awesome post. some people are so damn rude. they seem to think everyone in the world should be exactly the same as they are. And what would they say to my sister who has five kids? Or the parents of my best friend from school who had nine?? People who openly express that having more than two kids is a burden are still self-centered little kids themselves in grown-up bodies. All the best with your pregnancy, Steph. and hell, why don’t you go and have a fourth for good measure? that’ll really give them something to whine about 😛
I’m all over that fourth, Lizzy! Bahahahaha! Thanks for reading and commenting, lady 😉
OMG people are so rude! Good for you Steph! You’re handling it well.
…and now I have to stroll down memory lane and think about the times I’ve offered unsolicited parenting advice (as an experienced parent of 0).
Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jill; as an experienced parent of 0, people probably just smiled and nodded at ya anyway 😉
I can’t believe people would be so rude like that! That’s horrible. If you’re excited, they most certainly should be excited for you. You’re the one it’s going to affect the most… not them!
Thank you, Cara!! And exactly!
Wow, I had no idea this happened to women expecting their third. Amazing how everyone has an opinion about women’s uteruses.
Damn shame, isn’t it?!
I too have three children. When we got pregnant with the third we heard it all from, “why would you want to do that?” to “i know someone who can’t have a baby and would love to have one.” Yeah someone actually said that to us. I know it wasn’t planned but I love my kids and I have always secretly wanted another anyway but people can be so rude. Everything worked out and she is 15 months old now and completely perfect.
Becca, I can’t believe someone actually said that to you. What is WRONG with people?! Cripes. I’m super happy for you and your brood. And hey–if you’re lookin’ to expand, do it, Mama!
I’m not one to play the ‘I’ve got 6 kids’ card very often, but I had to jump in here and tell you that all will be well. I was nodding along with everything you had to say… been there, thought that, heard that, felt that…but we’ve managed to raise 6 kids (3 in university/college, 1 in high school, 2 in elementary) and no one has starved, missed a game, practice, appointment, or anything else of importance because we were outnumbered. With each new addition you just find a way and make it work. I’ve been told off in grocery stores for contributing to global over-population, I’ve been accused of being irresponsible, and I’ve had people question my sanity. Sure, there’s some that insist on raining on other people’s parades, but I just remind myself that those people exist to remind me of what I never want to become. Oh, and this – “Parenting and adolescence are two of the worst times in your life because of OTHER people; like the air constantly REEKS of judgement.” – AWESOME.
Jennifer!! I’m in absolute disbelief at the grocery store interactions. Where do people get the right?! But you know what? You put things into perfect perspective: we don’t want to become them, so let them be mean and crazy and rude so we can brush off our shoulders and go home to our babies.
CONGRATS on your big family; I’m sure it’s not easy at times, but I’m also sure your heart swells with love a lot more often than those d-bags accusing you of overpopulation. Hugs, Mama!
P.S. Fran is a wise, wise woman 😉
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! That’s exciting news. I’m currently pregnant with baby number two and I don’t think anyone gets the same reaction as they did with baby number one. My daughter also cried a lot and I felt shunned for it. It was always because I was “breastfeeding” according to narrow minded people. Nope my daughter has environment issues and still does at almost three years old. She is growing out if it but people can suck it because she is perfect to me. With all that said, my husband wants three. And my in-laws (although they had three) tell us how hard it was and that we should really consider it. :/ I keep saying we’ll see, so there’s that. Why do people need to insert there opinions in someone else’s like when they aren’t needed or wanted? Because people suck.
It’s so lovely when our pals/family kick us when we’re down right? I mean there you are with you first baby and jerkfaces are being, well…jerkfaces! I’m so happy to hear that #1 is doing better and that #2 is on his/her way! I think maybe some of the novelty wears off and that’s why we don’t get the squees we did with #1, and that’s okay. But to make rude, hurtful comments? NOT OKAY!
GOOD LUCK!!! Please let me know if it’s a boy or girl and all that happy jazz!!
What a bunch of a-holes! I had no idea what to expect here since the kids are 5 and everyone thought we were done, including us ( ha!). I have been blown away by the love…course it helps when your kids go to Catholic School
. Thursday we have the u/s. Once I see that heartbeat, I’ll be shouting from the rooftops. Xoxo
Well, hello, secretly pregnant friend whose beautiful face is prominently displayed by her comment 🙂 🙂 🙂
I wonder if the time between your pregnancies makes a difference or if I just need to hang out with more Catholics? At any rate, you know I am THRILLED for you and can’t wait for that u/s announcement!! YAY BABIES!!!!!! (or just BABY? We shall see!) <3
Sonofa…I hate that damn gravatar. Maybe nobody will notice. Hahahaha.
🙂 🙂 Your secret is safe with me?
Oh yes, I heard all the judgment.
I got pregnant with baby #2 when #1 was 8 months old. It was planned. Granted, we thought it would take a few months of trying instead of first time, but it was definitely planned. Oh, the looks I got, carrying a baby and having that baby bump.
Then, I got pregnant with #3… having two toddlers and a baby bump caused total strangers to ask me if I knew how that kept happening. I liked to say “no, can you tell me?”
There is just shy of 17 months between #1 and #2. And then almost exactly 2 years between #2 and #3. That would mean 3 kids in less than 3.5 years.
It was hard at the beginning, but now that mine are 8, 7, and 5, I absolutely love it. They’re great friends and often can do the same activities. My oldest two play on the same sports teams, so we only ever have to be in two places at the same time, instead of three. 😉
Congrats on baby #3!
Shell, that had to be trying in the beginning, but isn’t everything worth doing?! I mean, the good stuff doesn’t come easily, right? CONGRATS on your three little (bigger!) bundles; I’m hoping my kids will be the same: close, in the same activities, etc. There are 22 months between my first two, and then there will be about 3 and 5 years between the baby and his/her siblings. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
People can suck a ginormous pile of ass. I can somehow handle a classroom of 37 students AND teach them a second language. I’m pretty sure you can handle three. I feel like the people that freak out about it are the ones that self reflect about how THEY would do it. For example, I wanted two – and I have my two. So, I cannot fathom adding a few more into the mix because that’s not what I wanted. But, to chastise others who want to bring more love into their family – well, that’s just plain ignorant. Congratulations mamacita! I wish I lived nearby so I could come give that new baby some snuggles.
The world needs more people like you, Tracy; sure of what YOU want, but open-minded to what OTHERS want. Can you please give up that swanky house and awesome weather and just move to PA and be my BFF? Thanks. I’ll clear the spare bedroom. No, wait. That’s for the incoming baby. Basement okay? 😉 xo
My husband and I didn’t even want to tell anyone when we found out I was pregnant with #4. That’s right…we didn’t want to tell anyone. I think that perfectly sums up how much I could relate to this.
Well that just hurts my heart. 🙁 In fact, I really hate how many women related to this post. BOO!
Thanks for your beautiful honesty, mama. And this pisses me off. So, we have tossed around the idea of a 3rd child. People were wildly enthusiastic about my 2nd pregnancy- I had recently remarried, our girls were 5 years apart- everyone was on board. I worry that people will think we are crazy for having a 3rd (if we do) and accuse us of pushing our luck. It’s akin to you telling people that you can’t imagine being selfish enough to deprive your only child of a sibling. (Which I don’t believe, for the record. Just making a point.) I am certain that your virtual buddies made it clear just how thrilled we are for you- I know I did!!! xo
We don’t need other people putting those crazy, scary thoughts in our heads. I’ve certainly thought about “pressing my luck;” I have two beautiful, healthy, intelligent kids… I won’t even finish that thought. I vote that if you want #3, go for it. A friend once told me we’ll always regret NOT having more, but we’ll never regret having them. xo
My wife and i stopped at one child and we had to jump through medical hoops to get him.
That’s a scary, scary thing. I hope all is well with him and those around you were supportive of your decision to stop. And if they weren’t, they suck.
Wow. It took me, like, 10 whole minutes to scroll to the end of the comments! That’s awesome! But what’s MORE awesome is you. I loved this post. But I am still in complete and utter shock that people would be so insensitive and say this kind of stuff to you. What is wrong with people? When you told me you were preggo with baby #3, the only thing that crossed my mind was, “she’s a better woman than me.” I’m scared out of my mind to even contemplate baby #2, and I often look at moms like you and wish I could take things in stride like you do. You’ve got this, sister. It’s going to be fabulous! xoxoxo
I am NOT a better woman than you!! We just have different opinions when it comes to popping out babies, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that! If you decide to go for it, let me know and I’ll cheer you on the whole damn time!
I remember those days. I didn’t tell people I was pregnant with my third child until I had to. My 3 were each under 2 years apart. Both our families were totally upset by it. The thing of having 2 parents and 3 children wasn’t a problem. It was a little more difficult when my husband died when my youngest was 2. My family survived that too. I remember being very happy when my oldest could drive, that was a big help. We all learned to work together and we are very close.
Can you imagine how everyone reacted when my youngest was 18 and I told them I was pregnant with my fourth? I had remarried by then and it was my husbands first. Everyone thought I was insane. He has been the joy of the entire family.
Oh, Betty–I am so sorry to hear about your first husband. To experience such a loss with little ones to take care of can’t be easy. My mother-in-law went through that and she will forever be my hero for holding it together. You are STRONG ladies.
I love that you got knocked up with a fourth, and so much later in life!! What a way to add some spark to the family!! Thanks for the comments, lady! xo
Big families are a lot of fun! I am a child of FIVE children, I can’t imagine life without my siblings. They will love and support each other, even if the next day they are fighting over socks or boys or whatever 🙂
A child of three (she’s the middle child) actually told me I’m doing my two a disservice because now things will “forever be unequal.” Get over yourself! THANK YOU for the ray of sunshine, Joy!
Can I give you a virtual hug?!! I’m so sorry for your having such crappy friends!! I can’t imagine how anyone could be so rude to another person!! Congratulations and you’re awesome!!!
Virtual hug accepted, appreciated, and returned–times ten! THANK YOU, Roshni! xo
Its definitely all in where you live, and what the community norm is. where I live, 3 kids is a Small family. I have only 1, all the other parents with kids my son’s age have 3+ kids.
You’re the second person to bring up geographic location. Interesting!!
I’m due with #5 around New Year (four Clomid babies; yep on purpose…this one is our one-and-only surprise…it ran Boston incognito with me this year!). I don’t feel judgement until one of the kids has a fit in public, or it’s obvious one of them didn’t brush their hair. Then I’m looked at like I overdid it with all the kids because I can’t handle them. As if only moms with too many kids have badly-behaved ones at times. But if the kids (on some rare but glorious occasions) are acting great, I’m supermom. sigh.
CONGRATS!!!!!!!! And I totally hear ya; society will either revere us or chastise us. We can’t win either way, so might as well stop worrying about them!
I just read your article on Mamapedia. I can’t comment there anymore because I don’t use social media, but I had to find you and share a few things. First of all, a happy dance and congratulations. Boy have I been in your shoes, many times! (I have six now, some planned, some not so much, but all loved and very much wanted). By the way, I thought two were the hardest. They both always needed me NOW! My second had reflux and nobody wanted to take her either. With three, I could spend time with one while the other two entertained each other. Adding more after that isn’t much different, just organized chaos. There are many myths out there about what children have to have or do. We limit outside activities for sanity’s sake, often having all/most kids doing same things at a time, then switch to someone else’s interest the next time. There are many great books available now with ideas for managing large families – some are religious and some are not. (My oldest is now 17, when I first looked for books, I could only find 1 that discussed large families). I found some ideas in almost all of these that work for us (and many that don’t). I highly recommend the blog “five kids is a lot of kids” – look up her post on how to respond to people’s comments about the number of kids you have. It will have you rolling, help you remember why you chose a large family, and realize just how much every one else is missing out on! Congratulations again, your are embarking on the most wonderful adventure of a lifetime! Remember in everything else going on to have fun and enjoy it all.
I am so happy that you came over here to visit and comment. I really appreciate your time AND the book recommendations. I guess I don’t look at having three kids as a “large” family; maybe I should change my perception! After all, that laundry pile is only going to get bigger…
Thank you, MamaJedi!! xo
I read this on Mamapedia and HAD to comment.
I HATE ” mom bashing” – all the negative, judgmental CRAP that people spew forth riles me up, can you tell? 🙂 I love the earlier comment about adolescence and parenting being the worst times in your life because of other people.
I always try to remember how I felt when stupid people made stupid comments. I had three kids in four years, only #1 was semi-planned. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. They are now 6, 8, and 10 and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I try to think that if what I have to say isn’t nice, then I shouldn’t say it. I also try not to give unsolicited advice because what works for me and my family may not work for others, none of us are alike.
CONGRATS on your newest addition! Although a stranger, I am over the moon for you! 🙂
You’ve made me so happy–you don’t even know!! Thank you, over-the-moon-stranger-who-I-want-to-hug!
Congratulations!
DO NOT let ANYONE steal your joy! It is a wonderful marvelous miracle and you have as many babies as you want! I realize they are expensive- trust me there- I have 2 and been a single mom for roughly 15 years. I wanted more. My plan was 6. The way things turned out I guess I was better off with just my 2. But I also think I would have made due had I been blessed with more. As parents we do what we gotta do. It is no one’s business how many children you choose to love. It is like the stupid comment I have heard about not wanting to start a family because we don’t have enough money. What, exactly is that magic number?
Congratulations! and I got a laugh out of the “And we conceived Baby #3 that night.”
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Julie–I appreciate it! Yeah, anyone who says they’re not ready for kids because of money really has no idea that they’ll NEVER be ready if that’s the case!!
Congratulations on baby # 3. My third was identical boys, he!he! I have 6 kids. Yes, I meant to type the number 6 🙂
One of the worst is when you have a bad day and complain about it (how dare you!) and someones response is “you knew what you were getting in to”. What? so it’s okay for someone with 1 or even 2 kids to complain but heaven forbid the lady with 6 kids have a bad day.
People are just RUDE, this extends to my in -laws who only had one child so they thought we should only have 1 child. Unfortunately, the rudeness doesn’t stop. I think we just have to craft better come backs to those who are spewing from their word holes 🙂
Their word holes!!! Hahahaha!! YES! I need better comebacks for sure! I’ve posted stuff about rough days on my FB page and MEN have written, “That’s what you signed up for, Mom.” Like I have no right to admit that a day isn’t going well. Jerks. (CONGRATS on 6! If you have any tips on how to manage 3+, send’em my way!)
I have always thought you were 100% boss for knowing what you wanted for your family and for going for it! And birthday party woman? Step aside, pregnant friend, and save your energy. This throat-punching is on me. xo.
I knew you were a feisty thing, Meredith!! xo
Aw – people are pants! Well done for having 3, have 5 if you want, go for 6. It’s noones business but your own!
I think I’m going to have a bunch more just for a conversation piece 😉
So, I read the article and loved it then shared it on facebook because this is exactly how I feel. I want three kids for a few reasons (the fact we have to justify the size of our family is horsecrap, but none the less…)
1. My best friend died when I was in college and now his sister is an only child. Along side that her mother has cancer. She will be getting married soon and has ALOT on her plate and I can’t help but think if she had one more sibling how much easier things would be on her.
2. My husband and I are pretty well off and can afford it. However, his health is not so great. His doctor estimated with the health he is in now he will make it to his mid fifties. (We are in our early 30s) I figure my kids will need more than just my help, which is why I want 3 (at least). They can help one another when I am unable to.
3. I LOVE kids. Its not about the attention, its not about not having to go back to work, its not about keeping my marriage together (all being NOT great reasons). I am an elementary teacher for a reason, duh. Let me tell you, 26 little kids everyday is hard and we are not paid enough. I digress. Anyways, I love having little ones around. We have sleepovers when dad is out of town, we play board games or supersoaker on family game night, we do yard work together… basically we just love being together and someone telling me I have broken some unsaid societial rule, well, they should come chill with us for a night and then tell me which kid I should get rid of.
This is my reasoning behind my sized family. Its okay if you don’t agree with me. I will raise them to contribute to society and do great things, not to be burdens on you guys. No one has to help. I have never asked the grandparents for help, so I hope they don’t feel burdened. I still get the nasty comments, “Your life is over.” Or, “Is this an ooops baby?” Even, “There is no way you are going to be able to put them to sleep while your husband is out of town.” YES, please tell me how I am going to fail at parenting. It feels soooooo good. I guess we just have to look on the positive side of things. How boss are we that an everyday event strikes anxiety into others? How awesome are my kids for solving their own problems, doing their chores without being asked, and YES, getting to bed on time no matter if daddy is home or not. I think adoption if a wonderful thing, especially for those who can’t have kids. However, I believe I am doing my part by when I do chose to have sex I will keep my own child and raise his or her to be a functioning part of society.