To Whom It May Concern

This is (a terrible picture of) my daughter’s bib:

The bib is funny because it’s so appropriate for her, but it’s only funny because she’s a toddler. When I took it out of the washing machine this morning, I couldn’t help but think of all of the adults I know who could fittingly rock this bib…

To Whom It May Concern:

If you’re old enough to grow armpit hair, you’re old enough to understand that, contrary to what you may believe, life is not all about you. And you know who you are; you’re the driver who ignores the speed limit and others’ safety. You’re the tool bag who keeps track of what people do for you but haven’t done a damn thing for anyone else in years. You’re the parent who, despite having young children, continues to get high and hammered on a regular basis, shirking the most important responsibility you’ll ever have. You’re the lazy piece who has zero work ethic and is completely content to have everything handed to you. In fact, you pretty much expect it.

You should wear a bib like the one above, just so the rest of us can recognize you and subsequently avoid you.

Sincerely,

Real Adults

P.S.

And if you’re reading this, wondering, “Am I of that magnitude?” I hate to break it to you, but the answer is probably YES.