At the end of July, my son Brady will turn four, and about a month afterward, he will begin preschool. These events will recur the following year, except, because he will be five, Brady will move on to Kindergarten.
Or not.
Redshirting kindergarten is a hot topic in my house and head. I’m not alone, either; I posted a question about keeping kids in preschool an extra year on my WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion Facebook page, and I got so many fantastic responses from parents and teachers; one woman linked to a post she had written about redshirting. It wasn’t one of those obnoxious I’m-pretending-to-be-interested-in-what-you-have-to-say-just-to-pimp-out-my-own-writing kind of link. Elizabeth is legit. She has a Ph.D in clinical psychology, with a specialty in children and families. So, yeah, she knows stuff. Please read her post for the statistics and research; ya ain’t gettin’ that here.
All I have to offer is my anxiety and indecision. My son is smart, yet awkward when it comes to social situations. He’s kind and empathetic, but not outgoing. He often plays by himself while the other kids are playing together, and I’ve witnessed on more than one occasion someone take his toys and he just shrugs his shoulders and moves on.
I know. I should be counting my lucky stars he doesn’t roundhouse the toy thief like I know my daughter would.
But.
But.
But.
Does that mean he’s bully fodder? Does that mean he doesn’t see his own value? Does that mean I’m an absolute nutjob already worrying about this stuff?
Probably not. Nope. Very likely.
My good friend published a children’s book called Everyone is Special But Me. The first time I read it to my Brady, he was very concerned about David, the little boy in the book, because David couldn’t read as well as his friends, couldn’t run as fast, etc. But by the end of the book, David finds what makes him extraordinary, and when we read that part, my son audibly exhaled as if to say, “thank goodness! That kid is special!”
And then he made me read it 23, 923 more times.
I thought Brady just enjoyed the story and adorable illustrations, but it turns out he was really paying attention to each character and his/her strength. When we were at the park, he pointed out a kid who was swinging really high, and said, “He swings higher than me, but I bet he can’t play the guitar like me.”
Holy. Cannoli. He gets it!
And I can’t tell you how my heart just swelled because my little guy was 1. acknowledging the special in someone else and 2. appreciating what he’s good at it, too.
My hope is that Brady’s quiet confidence prevails during his school years, but I would be a big fat liarhead if I said I am ready for said school years.
And there it is: am I redshirting for his benefit or mine?
So many of my Facebook pals cited “they grow up too fast” as a motive to delay elementary school, and while I hadn’t thought of that as being a valid reason, all of a sudden, my future started flashing right before my eyes.
Kindergarten.
School plays.
Middle school.
Puberty.
High school.
Driver’s license.
Prom.
College.
AHHHHHHH!!!!
My husband and I are fortunate in that we’ve got the gift of time to make our decision, but my sixth sense (moms, you know the one) and background in education are leaning toward redshirting Brady. I may be singing a different tune at this time next year, but the possibility of an extra year of Brady snuggles is too tempting to ignore.
The author of Everyone is Special But Me is a paid sponsor of WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion, but the story and opinions I’ve shared with you today are for reals, yo. If you want to get a copy of Everyone is Special But Me (and it’s super adorable!) for your kiddo or grandchild, click HERE!
Wow! I’m faced with the same situation. My son will be 4 tomorrow.. 22nd! And he starts pre-school next month. I’ve never thought of holding him back from starting Kindergarten, I think he will be okay. He is super excited to start pre-school… Me on the other hand, I’m excited for him and so nervous! He’s been with Mama (me) for his whole life. It’s time to let go I guess. It was great to read this and relate to the anxiety that I’m having.
Great Post!!!
Awww, happy birthday to your little man! And good luck to you, Mama! Thanks for reading 😉
This book sounds fantastic! My son attended to daycare I taught at and was constantly surrounded by older children. It was always hard for him to be “the little guy.” He’ll be turning 5 in October and even though he won’t be going into Kindergarten until next year, I’m already a nervous wreck. They do grow up too fast!! 🙂
Amen to that! I’ve heard from parents who didn’t hold their kids back and regretted it, but I’ve never heard the opposite.
What could be “bad” about waiting the extra year? Sending him too soon seems to have more potential for disaster when compared to sending him later. Besides, that extra year of size/strength/man power during his senior year will help him get that football scholarship to Penn State.
Right. Because football was my main concern anyway…………………………………………………………………………………
🙂
That’s the gateway drug to homeschooling, you know. 😛
I am many things in life; a homeschooler is not among them. I don’t have the patience, nor skill. I bow down to the parents who do it, and I would like to pay them to homeschool my kids.
I actually put Emma in pre-school 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours last year, because she was very shy and not very outgoing in social situations. She is now so much more outgoing and confident. I even put her in soccer for the summer and she loves it. She also just turned 4 years old this past week on Wednesday and will be back in pre-school this fall. I think this is a personal choice though Stephanie and also think whatever you decide will work for your son. Good luck 🙂
You’re right, Janine; it’s definitely a personal decision, and parents know their kiddo well enough to venture a good guess at what they’re ready for or not. Our little ones are so close in age! They can start late together 😉
Wow. I had never heard the term “redshirting” before and didn’t realize it was a trend. I have been kind of having the opposite concerns. My daughter will just miss the birthday deadline for school. Which means she will be one of the oldest in her class. I’ve been worried that she will be bored academically and wondering if there is any way we could sneak her into kindergarten a year early. But considering all the social stuff too (plus the bonus extra year of snuggles), I think I just need to learn to be patient. Why push her ahead when there is no need? I was always one of the youngest in my class, and did fine academically but was behind socially. I guess that’s probably the reason, and I probably shouldn’t do it to my daughter too.
I think it’s great that you’re able to be so honest about it, though. Too many parents try to cover up their reasons, and I think it’s important to at least own why we’re feeling what we’re feeling, ya know? You could always try a different preschool or MORE preschool or something? I think I’m going to explore those options next year.
Thanks for reading!!
You nailed my thoughts! My little guys just had his birthday last month, so he will be young for his class…if I send him. I go back and forth…and back and forth…and then am just super grateful I have a whole year more to decide.
We’ll have to chat, Meredith!
I taught primary and at that young age, I could tell a difference in the maturity levels of many kids depending on when their birthday fell. I do think it’s good that you are going to have a year of trying out preK to see how he handles it.
Jean, so many teachers are reaching out to me with the same admission: they can totally notice the difference. My kiddo was in nursery school 2 days a week this year, and he’ll be in pre-K 3 days a week this year. We’re slowly making the transition, but 5 days a week, 8 hours each day next year? YIKES!
My daughter is not overly outgoing, and hates being away from me. Period. She’s only 2.5, so I have a long time to decide, and I’m so glad. All of my friends are doing this drop-off program in our area starting in September with their kids, who are the same age as my daughter. It’s only for 2-3 hours a day, but I feel like it’s too soon. They’re still babies! But then I worry my daughter won’t have the same social experiences as the others. My compromise is that I’m doing a ton of classes WITH her. And I am really, really dreading cold and flu season. 🙂
Oh snap. Cold and flu season. Another reason to redshirt. Eff it. I’m homeschooling. 😉
Thanks for the mentioin of my illustrated children’s book EVERYONE IS SPECIAL BUT ME. I think, as an ex-educator, that it is vital that we recognize that kids of all ages have concerns about self-image and doubts about their worth, even if they don’t recognize it. Equally important and also, in many cases unrecognized, is that each child has something special about him or her, something at which they excel. At a younger age, kids need help recognizing both the feelings and the sense of worth, and it is up to parents (and teachers!) to explain and reinforce these basic concepts. Incidentally (and shamelessly), EVERYONE IS SPECIAL BUT ME is only $2.99 and available for the Kindle and iPad at Amazon.com. My next book is going to take a subtle look at bullying and the bully’s motivation (from the perspective of a bunch of squirrels! ) and an even more subtle look at obesity in the young. Thanks again!
You’re quite the salesman 😉
This was a question we grappled with last year with our middle son. He was definitely ready socially and academically but I wasn’t completely convinced on the behavior part (listening and following directions). I talked to my doctor and he recommended “red shirting” him. Unfortunately we had already been telling our son he was in fact starting Kindergarten for the past year. When I brought it up to him that we might wait another year; he began to cry. He really wanted to go mainly because his older sister was already going to school and she got to do all kinds of fun things. We couldn’t afford preschool and I didn’t want to scar him for life and create self-esteem issues so we sent him (parenting is so flippin’ hard)!!! Thankfully he did really good and had an amazing teacher who was extremely patient but I think if his teacher had been anything but it could have gone a completely direction.
You said it, lady: parenting IS so flippin’ hard!! So glad to hear that your hard decision turned out to be the best for everyone!
Tough decision but either way you decide will probably be the perfect decision and you won’t be able to imagine it happening any other way. That’s usually what happens to me when I stress about something until my brain explodes. My Baby Girl has a late birthday so we have to hold her back. It makes my decision easy. I was annoyed at first, but now I’m grateful. I’d much rather have her be the oldest, most mature child in the class than the youngest and most immature.
Amy, you know what? I think you’re absolutely right. We ache over these kinds of things and within the first few weeks of actually acting upon them, we’re all, “WHY was I such a psycho about that?!” Hindsight is 20/20, eh? Thanks for your comment!!
Both of my kids have May birthdays, so red-shirting was never a consideration for us. I don’t know what I would do if we were in that situation. My soon to be first grader is in a program where he is in a combined K-1 classroom, so there are many different levels of academic skill and maturity level in his classroom. Last year he was the little kid, and this year he’ll be the big kid.
I have a July birthday and the only time my age was an issue was when when everyone was driving (16) and going to the bar (21) before I was. However, since everyone is red-shirting, the age disparity will be more pronounced for those who start their kids at the traditional age.
Great post! I’m interested to hear what you decide!
Such a great point about the age gap being more pronounced in the future, Amy. I wonder if this isn’t a judgement call based on age and the child’s overall readiness, but rather another way for competitive parents to give their kids a “leg up.” Now that I think of it that way, it irks me.
My husband and I were having this very conversation this morning! Our son turned 4 in June, and is at the 1st percentile for height…. I just worry about him being the youngest, the littlest, picked on…. Oh this is a minefield and we keep going back and forth on it! I am also leaning toward red-shirting him. My daughter is an October birthday, and I think being a bit older was really good for her in starting K this year…. Like you say, at least we still have time to decide! Great post.
Sarah, we’ll have to start a support group or something!
We redshirted my daughter (her birthday was right at the cutoff) and I am extremely glad we did. Although I wasn’t sure why I felt so strongly for it at the time, I knew my gut was telling me something. It turns out she has ADHD, and she was struggling to keep up even as one of the oldest kids in kindergarten. Now that we have her diagnosed and on medication, she is in the top of her class. I cannot imagine how hard it would have been for her if she was the youngest as well as dealing with ADHD. But it is definitely a decision each parent has to make for their child. Unfortunately we can’t predict the future, just make the best decision based off of what we know at the time (and use our Mommy intuition).
All hail the Mommy Intuition!! I’m so glad to hear that your story has a happy ending! xo
I never heard it called redshirting before – but I did that with my son and couldn’t be happier. There were a lot of other children in his class that also were held back so it worked out great. I didn’t with my daughter (June bday) and she is one of the youngest and although a social butterfly has struggled a little since all the kids are really 6 months or almost 10 months older than her. Good luck, seems like a big decision but once you make up your mind you will be at peace with it. My kids are now 1 grade apart, but it’s fine – at least until I get to pay for college for both.
Yeah, someone came up with the phrase “redshirting kindergarten” and it stuck. Whatevs. I just figure at the young age they are in elementary school, 6 months – 1 year can make a big difference between kiddos.
Thanks for commenting!
Some girlfriends and I were having this exact same conversation yesterday. One of the gal’s little boys is entering into that same situation and she has decided to redshirt him for the same reasons you are deliberating over it. Her son is very similar to how you describe yours is and she felt it worth it to hold him back regardless of when his birthday is and his eligibility status. The school he would be going to also is known for the parents redshirting their children so many of the kids will be older kindergartners anyhow.
It does seem like redshirting is a trend now, doesn’t it? I hope that’s because parents are more involved and aware, rather than competitive. Yikes.
Mollie will be four at the end of September. How did I miss that they were “almost” the same age?! I say only you (and Daddy) know your son, so whatever decision the two of you make will be the best decision for him. What works for one kid doesn’t necessarily work for another. That’s the beauty of having so much more information available to us than our parents had when we were kids…and our grandparents had when our parents were kids…etc. There’s no “one” way to go anymore. Think it over, but don’t dwell on it. If you do “redshirt” him and it seems to not be working, then get him enrolled. Or if you do send him and it doesn’t seem to be working, take the “redshirting” route. You are a smart lady…I have 100% faith in you! 🙂
Aww, shucks–thanks, pal! I hope the homeschooling is still going well for you and yours. You’re seriously my hero, you know that, right?!
If he is a boy and is close to the cut off date….please, please, please wait a year to enroll him! I teach first grade and often these children do not have the stamina and are not ready socially. The other kids pick up on it quickly. My advice is wait!
Cherri, you’re very adamant about this which intimidates me. 😉 I’m a high school English teacher, so by the time I get the kids, they’re pretty much on the same level. Or as “same level” as they’re going to be!!!!
Thanks so much for your two cents; I appreciate you weighing in on this!
Haha the term “redshirting” just cracked me up! But I guess it is the perfect term. My mom is a teacher and she “redshirted” me before kindergarten and it made a huge difference for me all through school. Not only was I not ready to go to kindergarten, but I would of hated being the youngest in my class!
My mom redshirted my brother who is also a July birthday and he was the oldest. He got sick of everyone asking if he was held back because he “wasn’t smart.” He made straight As, sooo…
Just the flip side of the coin, I guess!
Steph, I know I’m supposed to be off wading in a kiddie pool, but I couldn’t resist leaving a comment about a topic that’s near to my heart. My son recently turned four and I’ve been conflicted about redshirting him as well. After considering the different variables, we’ve decided to put off kindergarten for another year.
I won’t list all the reasons for our decision, but I will say this–trust your mommy instinct. Whatever you do, let your mommy GUT guide you. I promise that it will steer you in the right direction! 🙂
Oh, yeah . . . I forgot to mention that I missed you a TON!! And I can’t wait to catch up on your vlogs! My computer dates back to the stone ages.
It doesn’t come with built in speakers, so I’ll have to watch the videos on my iPhone. Thankfully, my phone is somewhat current!
Nobody knows your son better than you do Steph and I know as a mom and educator, you’ll make the best decision for him. I always stressed over my decisions with Mason at that age because he was shy and could have easily been a target for bullies. Today, he is confident, self assured and a champion for those who would be considered “under dogs”. Give that Brady a hug will ya? He is going to be just fine!
I’m on the hug, Penny! And thanks for your vote of confidence. We moms are just so dang hard on ourselves, aren’t we?!!
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