I’m Having an Affair

I couldn’t help myself. I certainly didn’t intend to stray; I wasn’t looking for something better, more attractive, or exciting. The situation just kind of…arose. (See what I did there? An overtly sexual pun?)

The strangest part of the whole thing is that my husband is well aware of what’s going on and he hasn’t even tried to stop it. In fact, he’s gotten in on the action once or twice! He doesn’t like to initiate these sorts of things, but once I’ve made up my mind, it’s hard to stop the train. He would never admit it, but I think he kind of likes it.

It all started because it was so tempting. So new. And it was just…fun. I admit it: there’s no purpose; he is just a toy. BUT I got a great price:

My first Apple product! Well, my first since about 1989. This model is considerably smaller and provides hours of entertainment as opposed to a couch-sized desk top and a half hour stint with The Oregon Trail.

It’s all very intense. I tingle with excitement each time that Apple lights up, but I can’t shake the feeling of guilt: I am cheating on my PC.

One would think the stinging shame of doing my PC wrong would be enough for this gal to stop while she was ahead, but no. I can’t help myself; it’s an addiction. Like lasagna to Garfield: I CAN’T GET ENOUGH.

After the iPad, I upgraded my Droid to an iPhone. I didn’t think there would be that much of a difference. Dear Lord was I wrong! My photos are SO clear! And my camera so FAST! And Instagram pleases me so–all of the different filters! Frames! Oh, and the apps! The glorious, FREE apps. Need a flashlight? I got one…IN MY PHONE! How about some mooing cows to quiet overly tired toddlers who refuse their nap? DONE! The whole damn phone is just so EASY. It’s like it knows what I’m thinking and *POOF* whatever I need, just appears. Steve Jobs was no joke, folks. A visionary. Rude and insensitive, but a visionary nonetheless.

The really bad part about my affair is that I fear it will only get worse. Apple models are constantly upgrading and while I used to scoff at those who just had to have the latest and greatest, I may have morphed into that geek. I’m okay with it, though. Especially if it means I can grab me up some of this sexiness:

I’ve decided to stash away a few bucks a month and by the time I hit menopause, I should be able to afford the Mac Book. I can’t wait!!

In the meantime, I have to figure out a way to maintain my new relationship but keep my old ones. You know, like that Girl Scout song: “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other’s gold.” I never understood that because gold is more valuable than silver, but whatever.

I’ve no intention of ending my affair, but I think it’s the right thing to do to not rub it in my family’s face. For instance, when the husband and I are watching Walter White’s latest meth madness on Breaking Bad, no need to have the iPad in my lap. It’s also not necessary to check my e-mail from the iPhone 46 times while at the park with the kids. I need to keep my family separate from my fun. I know how bad that sounds, but I am selfish and have difficulty managing my time have a sickness.