Debate THIS.

I am so tired of these slap fights debates. I am forced to listen to my toddlers all day; I don’t need to tune into more whining and “it’s MY turn” when I’m trying to find reruns of “The Big Bang Theory.” I’m having a difficult enough time trying to decide who gets my vote and it’s stressful. It’s weighing so heavily on me because I personally think it’s really saying something to get my vote, yours, too, and I just don’t know if either candidate deserves it. So I’m voting for my mom. No, this isn’t a Your Mama joke. Here me out:

Bipartisanship:  You cannot tell me that Mama isn’t a BOSS at making friends of foes. Or mediating a tense situation which I feel Candy Shoulder Pads did pretty well last night. Situation: 2 kids, 1 lollipop. Solution: Mama makes them share licks and if they refuse, the lollipop is gone or another suitable alternative is presented. At the end of Sesame Street, everyone is happy.

Economy: If it’s not in her purse, Mama doesn’t spend it. She doesn’t like borrowing money and incurring debt that will ultimately become her children’s burden. Before she even thinks about borrowing, she has a big garage sale and unloads toys that no longer work or clothes she hasn’t worn in years. She also focuses on the “have nots” before the “haves” because sharing is caring.

Women’s Rights: Unlike the two clowns trying to pass legislation about body parts they don’t even have, Mama understands each woman has her own story and challenges. She respects the struggle that comes with being a woman, and she supports women’s rights–all of them–because that’s the right thing to do. Regardless of Mama’s personal beliefs regarding these issues, she can’t fathom having the balls to dictate what another can do with her body. Ironically, one must have balls to make such decisions. Mama don’t play that.

Education: Mama understands that education begets success. As such, she instills this value early on in her children and then entrusts them to well-trained, highly qualified teachers. If the schools or teachers or materials need updated to stay current as to properly prepare our children to become professional contributors and competitors, Mama makes it happen. More schools, less fools.

Climate and Energy: Nothing irks Mama more than realizing she’s out of sugar just as she’s about to bake a cake for one of her babies. She learned early on that it’s best not rely on her neighbors for what she can get/do herself. That’s not to say it won’t take some time (the grocery store doesn’t deliver, you know), but with some planning and a commitment to the future, Mama feels like it’s worth it to explore whatever options would help her to become an ingredient independent.

Work Ethic: Mama is patient and kind, but stern and unwavering when the situation calls for it. One thing Mama will not tolerate is a free loader. If boy child refuses to put on his shoes, he goes barefoot. If girl child won’t put her cup in the sink, she’ll be thirsty next time. Her home is a warm place, one where everyone is welcome. But don’t expect to be waited on; if you’ve got legs, use them. If you have a brain, prove it. If you’ve got time, talent, or money, donate it. If you come to Mama looking for a handout because it’s easy, the only thing she’s going to give you is a job. Learn it and then earn it.

I can all but guarantee that Mama would respect that 2-minute response time limit, too.