This is Part II of my womanly saga. If you want to start at the beginning, read this first! Part II: "My wife has peed and would like to go home now." On the heels of a very trying year, my hair stylist's discovery of a random bald spot officially pushed me over the edge. At every woman in my ... » Learn More about “My wife has peed and would like to go home now.”
Motherhood
Take the F*cking Folder!
One of my favorite stories about a matriarch in our family is about trash. Her children shared garbage duty in their house: gather it, bag it, put it out. Not an awful lot to ask of able-bodied teens, but as parents know, our children tend to have selective hearing. For instance, "I baked ... » Learn More about Take the F*cking Folder!
“Mommy, That’s Your Disappointed Face”
I've admitted it before: my face ruins things. Wedding photos, rando photos, live television appearances, feelings that I'd rather keep to myself... Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves? Well, mine's all up on my grill. There's no mistaking how I'm feeling; one look at my mug and ... » Learn More about “Mommy, That’s Your Disappointed Face”
Who Said You Could Turn Eight?!
On this day eight years ago, you were gently lifted from my body at 3:30 am. Certain you were my Mia Rose, I slurred liar! when the doctor announced you were a boy. Anesthesia and I never did get along. You didn't come into the world the way I had envisioned, and you weren't the dark-haired ... » Learn More about Who Said You Could Turn Eight?!
I Don’t Yike You, I Yuve You!! (+ a giveaway!)
My newly minted three-year-old takes after her big sister in a lot of ways. She rocks a mean pair of sunglasses, has a fantastic imagination, and has begun telling me something "sissy" always says: "Mama, I don't yike you, I YUVE you!" As the recipient of this sweetness, I am expected to feign ... » Learn More about I Don’t Yike You, I Yuve You!! (+ a giveaway!)