My panties are in a bunch today: my son insisted on waking before the sun, and today he took it upon himself to create art work with glitter paint sans my supervision. My hardwood floors look like Ke$ha and Studio 54 had a baby.
You’ve either been living under a rock or are a real adult if you haven’t heard the news that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, AKA: Kimye, are expecting a baby. Reportedly, the baby is a girl, which means there is no way in hell that poor kid won’t be all kids of effed upΒ have a first name that starts with the letter “K.” I personally think Kim seeks out men whose first names start with a K as to create the perfect Mommy-Daddy-Baby K Trifecta, but that’s an allegation for another time.
The Kardashian Klan has exhausted a lot of the K-names since Mama Kris has been popping out kids since the late 70’s, so it may prove difficult to come up with something fitting for Kimye’s spawn. That’s why I’ve decided to lend a hand.
Kitty. Because we wouldn’t even know Kim existed had she not made a special movie featuring her kitty…
Kash. Because that’s what Kim was paid for making her special movie.
Kristmas. Kim’s middle name is Noel so this is just an educated guess on my part. I realize the fact that I even know this makes me pathetic.
KatoΒ Kaelin. Just to keep the past alive.
Klondike. An attractive mix of chocolate and vanilla, not to mention one of the countless ways Mr. West insults women in his “music.”
Kryptonite.Β Fatherly responsibility is to Kanye what radioactive material is to Superman. I hope I’m wrong for the sake of little Kryptonite, but I’m not.
Kustody. This doesn’t really merit an explanation, does it?
If you have brain cells to waste, feel free to leave additional suggestions in the comments!
Daily Dose of Damn! says
Kvetch – because I have a feeling when this baby realizes who her parents are, she’s gonna complain. A LOT!
I’m so sorry about your hardwood floors! (I thought you meant it was jus ta little spillage) I’m sending some good ju-ju your way. xo
crazy14 says
Ooooh! Nice one! And I agree! This child’s first words are going to be: “DAMNNNNNN!”
No worries about the floors–nothing some elbow grease and few curse words couldn’t clean up π
motherhoodisanart says
My vote is for Karibbean…..Inevitably this is where the baby will be spending it’s 1st birthday and it will be televised for the whole world to see!
crazy14 says
YES!!! Good call! Because a celebrity baby is nothing if not for her pimped out first birthday party overseas.
Jill Pinnella Corso says
You nailed it. I vote for Klondike because I rock that jam.
crazy14 says
Klondike was one of my personal favorites, too!
Dani Ryan says
OMG. This is freaking hilarious! I loved KASH and KUSTODY. Too funny.
Sorry to hear about the glitter. Yikes!
crazy14 says
This is what happens when I get bored. And the glitter is what happens when my kid gets bored… π
Carolina@mommymassacre says
Kiwi?? Or is that trend of naming your kids after fruit done?
Kascade…I don’t know why but I see large hoops with that name on em.
(I was thinking of this at work and why the “name” Klitter came into mind is beyond me…I think it’s cause of your glitter disaster)
crazy14 says
Klitter is almost dirty, so that could definitely work!!!!
menopausalmother says
Good God woman you are too damn funny. I can’t stand Kardashians or Kanye so this gave me a particularly evil joy to read. So many “k” names to choose from–Kale, Kotex, Krazy, Kumquat…..but honestly, the line that had me laughing the hardest was the glitter combo of Kesha & Studio 54 mix. Just. Brilliant.
crazy14 says
Confession: I used the Kesha Studio 54 line on FB and couldn’t help myself but to use it again in the post!! I was pretty proud of it π THANK YOU!
Deela says
OMG…sorry about the glitter (Klitter) mess/day! π
Kockamamie? π
crazy14 says
π π Thank you for reading!!
nothingbythebook says
Oh, Klitter. It has to be Klitter. Klit for short. (Up at 5:30 a.m. here too, btw, courtesy of 3 y o. Something’s in retrograde. Or the universe just hates us.)
crazy14 says
The universe better do right by us when the time change comes. I’ve had enough! (And Klit for short–absolutely!)
Leslie says
Kashmere is my vote. Even hypothetically it is a train wreck. Ick.
crazy14 says
NICE!!!!!!!!
Chris Carter says
TOO funny!! Perhaps…KillJOY? π
Stopping by from the Finding the Funny Link up…
crazy14 says
Chris!! Great to have you from Finding the Funny! KillJOY–absolutely!!!!
Vicky says
Freaking glitter. Hate it. It is relegated to the yard in my house. If either of my boys wants to be a Club Kid they can do it on their own time;)
As for K names… How about Kristmas since that’s the only holiday this baby will spend with both parents as they will clearly not be together for the long haul.
Vicky
crazy14 says
π π
Jumpin' Jack Flash says
Kilimanjaro: This baby will be high all the time. Or, it is going to be quite a tough climb for this kid.
crazy14 says
I like your second reason better π
Meredith says
Oh my gosh! “My hardwood floors look like Ke$ha and Studio 54 had a baby”–so, you’re basically just perfect then, huh? Brilliant genius. You must submit this post to Star magazine now!
crazy14 says
I should break the news before anyone else does, huh?! π
Tracy @ Momaical says
I’m going with Kaching! Since you KNOW they will be whoring this whole thing out to the max.
crazy14 says
You’re very good at this game, Tracy! π
RachRiot says
Well, you already know my selection… I hope little Katastrophe gives them three more seasons of reality tv! ‘Cause, you know, that’s what’s important here.
crazy14 says
I love that you played along!! Yours is my favorite guess so far, too! Thanks for stopping in, RachRiot–you’re kind of a big deal and now you’re on my blog.
Mind. Blown.
Amy says
My vote is for Kanada or Kwebec because that’s where Kanye’s new girlfriend/future baby mama is from!
crazy14 says
SHUT UP!! He’s already dating someone else?! Do I live under a rock? WTF? Why don’t I know these things???
Amy says
Yeah girl! It’s all over the most reputable newspapers (i.e. People, Star, and US Weekly). She’s some Canadian model and she’s spilling the beans! She reports that he said the relationship was only for “business.” Ha! Sorry Kimye. You’re just as legit as K Stew + R Patt.
Kendal says
This is freaking awesome! I got here from your comment on RachRiot’s post π Sorry about your floors! My favorite saying ever: Glitter is like the herpes of craft supplies. Once it’s on you (or your house), you can’t get rid of it!