It wasn’t until two months ago that I knew what Lululemon was. And I still don’t know how to pronounce it.
I went to a fancy wedding a few weeks ago and had to text my girl, Amanda, to ask if a deep v-neck dress calls for a long or short necklace. (The answer is long).
“Have you heard about this new thing, My Space?!” –me, last year.
Behind doesn’t even begin to describe me when it comes to fashion or new technology. In fact, my supervisor has sternly reminded me four times asked me nicely to use a new program at work that she swears will streamline things and make communication easier. Me no wanna.
It’s not because I don’t like to challenge myself or learn new things; quite the contrary actually. It’s just that if I find something that works (flip-flops and no necklace or AOL Instant Messenger, for instance), I work it to death. Kinda like the adage, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” but it’s mostly like the adage, “It’s just easier to maintain, maaan.”
I’ve been in the mom cave a bit too long, and without apology, the world and trends have continued to evolve without me.
Right before my tired eyes, my kids are evolving, too. I couldn’t wait for the day when they would play together and have adorable conversations that would require subtitles if they were televised. That’s exactly what they were doing this morning, and when I tried to join in the fun, I was literally escorted out of the room. My two-year-old took me gently by the hand, showed me to the door, and asked that I ” ‘tay down’tairs, peeze.”
Conjuring my best Stephanie Tanner here: how rude!
My son has started swimming on his own as opposed to wrapping his legs around my waist, effectively cutting off oxygen and blood circulation to my lower half. He’s so proud of himself in those orange swimmies, floating and kicking without my shadow lurking over him.
What is going on?!
This past weekend we celebrated the kids’ birthdays, and at the end of the night, my son was hosting a jam session in the playroom. He gave his uncle a drum, his aunt a flute, his grandma a xylophone. I gravitated toward the sweet beats and just as I poked my head into the room, he cut the music faster than every director should have cut Keanu Reeves’s speaking roles: “Mom! You were not invited!”
Come again?
So I birth these humans, sustain their young lives single-handedly for their first year on earth, wipe their dirty butts, kiss their boo-boos, and THIS?! I get “you were not invited please stay downstairs?!”
Then I wonder if I deserve the ostracism because, admittedly, there were days that I couldn’t wait to be done nursing my daughter. And I distinctly remember fearing my son would be in diapers for-ev-er.
A month shy of her first birthday, she decided we were done. No weaning. No tearful goodbye. Just “me done.”
He doesn’t even need a potty seat any more; he hoists himself atop his porcelain throne and handles his bidness in private.
StOp ThE iNsAnItY!
Logically, I understand my kids are stretching their legs and giving this independence thing a shot, and truly, I am grateful. I want them to be soulful contributors to society; not leeches who sponge off of me and my husband, so not needing me to play with them is a good thing.
Emotionally, though, what the eff, kids?! I made you, now you let me join the tea party, dammit!
I don’t know that I’ll ever wrap my head around jeggings, but I certainly see how this motherhood thing is going to play out: I give my heart to two small people who, in return, simultaneously suck the life out of me, yet make me shout for an encore. I don’t know what their magic is, but I know I don’t want to miss it like I missed the L.L. Bean backpack craze in high school. Just had to have the Jansport…
I’m out of it too apparently since I’ve never heard of Lululemon and didn’t know the necklace rule. Just wait, my two teens are at the age where they don’t like to be touched even by the tip of a pinkie finger. If I die tomorrow I hope they regret not giving me a hug for nearly a decade. Okay, it hasn’t been that long but it seems like it. Parenting isn’t for wimps…that’s my motto. Must be why people love being grandparents…so they can watch their own kids suffer as parents like they did. HA! I’m sarcastic not bitter. =)
I’m hugging you, Mama!!!!!!!!!!! Feel it?!
Check out this funny lady if you get a minute. I like her humor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdI4oKM8YJg
Ohmygoodness! A funny grandma!! LOVE!
YES!!! We need more funny grandmas! thank you!
My little man-baby hasn’t gotten to that point yet, but I will say this: I refuse to do the pattern-mixing when it comes to getting dressed. I may be too old-lady, but I still thinks it looks like one has dressed oneself in the dark. But then, I wear a tank top and a lycra skirt (in all my third-trimester glory) every single day. So, I guess a fashionista I am not. Ah, progress.
I hear ya on the pattern mixing, Ashlee. Chevron is about as “pattern” as I get, and I can’t imagine throwing it on with floral or something else. Crazy kids and their clothes! 😉
I know there were a lot of beautiful, funny moments there, but I can’t get past you not knowing about lululemon. Pronounced loo loo lemon.
Have you ever tried on a pair of lululemon yoga pants? I wore them every day for a year. My ass looked amazing. And now I bought a pair of their studio pants and I’m in love all over again.
Seriously.
As a mom, it’s kinda your job to have awesome yoga pants.
Hahaha!! Sorry, just can’t spend $80 on my ass. 😉
^ HAHAHA I’m with you on that one!
Oh, but thank you for the pronunciation 😉
Lululemon is too overpriced. Stick to Target. And force your independent kids to go with you. As soon a grandparent (or any person, really) gets to our house, Ethan promptly (full of hope) asks if AJ and I are going out to dinner. Makes me feel so loved.
YES! My kids ask me to leave. Rude and unsettling, yet also strangely relieving. I like that they want to spend time with other people, but I need to be reassured that I’m still the favorite. 😉
Stephanie Tanner and “How Rude” made me bust out a bit of laughter here. My girls are still in the more clingy phase, but even they have their moments and know what you mean about giving birth to them and then not wanting to let you join in on the party or fun. Been there and done that, but will say that whenever I am busy trying to get something done then that is when they want me the most. Just ironic I suppose!!
Janine, you’re absolutely right about that timely clingy-ness; if I’m cooking (once a month), my daughter is climbing my legs and my son needs 234234 cups of milk. They know what they’re doing!
My kids are either up my ass or wanting nothing to do with me. It’s a balance that I wish I could control, but I lost control of my kids years ago.
You aren’t completely behind the times. You are proficient on Twitter, after all!
You’re so right; it’s either all or nothing. Jerks.
Twitter proficiency–that’s something to put on a resume, right?! 😉
My 3rd kid is the worst. Of course you keep having kids after the others outgrow wanting to snuggle and our 3rd kid has been a complete dud. He has been Mr. Independent since day 1. I just don’t get it. No snuggling, wants to play by himself all of the time and just wants to potty train himself. I guess he would be perfect for someone who doesn’t have a lot of time on their hands but man just give me a snuggle now and then!
No snuggles?!! That’s heart breaking! Although, if he can share the self-potty training tips I will pay him in chicken nuggets.
Have you looked at Lululemon pricetags? A trend worth missing…
…but the growing independence of our littles a bit of a double whammy, yes. Especially when it comes when we’re not quite ready for it.
It is SO nice to see your name here again. I’ve been thinking about you guys–hope things are getting better xo
I’m pretty behind on anything fashion and technology too. Unless Target has the newest fashion, then in that case I’m pretty up to date.
I wish Myspace was still popular. That was always my favorite.
I actually never had a MySpace page. Is that bad?
It took me a long time to realize that Lululemon and Zulilly were two different things. And still, all I know about them is that they don’t carry them at Target or Old Navy, so nobody in my family will be wearing them.
True dat, boo!
Lululemon better make me instantly lose 15 pounds if I’m going to pay $80 for a pair of stretch pants. Hell to the no – my last name ain’t “Gates”. But I will admit that I HAD heard of them, but only because my sister is hip to all of the newest fashion trends. Me – not so much.
I’m with you on the technology bit. Ugh. I have all but stomped my feet in protest about learning google plus and don’t even get me started on twitter. I suck at it. if there was an award for biggest tweet loser, I’d have that baby on my mantle.
Google+ baffles me. What the hell is it for and how is it different from Facebook or LinkedIn? And who cares? I’m getting better at Twitter only because “The Bearded Iris” scolding me about it. 😉
Funny, just this morning by 18-month-old cried and screamed and hung on my leg when the babysitter arrived to try to prevent me from going to work. Heartbreaking in and of itself. I guess the opposite is no better? Hmmm….
You know what I’m realizing, Deb: this mothering thing is tinged with the “grass is always greener”-ness the whole way through. I’m sad when my kids tell me to beat it, but if one of them is hanging on me, I’m irritated. Ugh.
OMG i’m cracking up! Everytime I walk through Ross Park mall I’ve been referring to Lululemon as the “symbol thing store.” Actually, when I read Lululemon I thought it might be a distant relative of the Pokemon game. Hope this isn’t a sign i’m getting old XD
HA!!!!! A relative of Pokemon. It only makes sense!
OK, I had never heard of Lulu- whatever the hell until you just told me. SO- you’re at least one step ahead of me. Thanks for keeping me current, pal! And Hanes Her Way- snort! Also, by the end, I inexplicably felt like crying. For real. Is it seriously time to board the PMS train again? What a b*tch.
I love you more now. I really thought I was the only woman left on earth (aside from my mother) who didn’t know what Lululemon was. Fashionable I am not.
I was a Jansport kid too!
Sweet and sad. Kind of makes me want to hug my mom a little extra.
Do it. Hug her and smoosh her with love.
I loved so much about this post, and I can totally relate. Except the Lulu Lemon part. How in the world did you survive so long without Lulu Lemon? What do you wear all day?? 😉