How do I love Amy? Let me count the ways. Her humor, her willingness to drop an F-bomb when a situation warrants an F-bomb, and the fact that she is kind enough to bring my Week o’ Guest Bloggers to a close all top my list of love. And I really like her eyes. Today, I shall share her with you because I’m a giver:
10 Reasons We Will or Will Not Be Having Another Baby
by Amy (my lovah)
Family planning comes in many different forms. I’m not just talking about condoms vs. pills vs. IUD, or natural family planning vs. birth control vs. “pull-and-pray”. Some families decide how many kids they want, and take the necessary steps to fulfill that goal. Others are blessed with children they didn’t expect, while others hope to have babies and have difficulty conceiving without help. Some people adopt. Some moms have babies until their uterus craps out, and others are happy with the one. Some people choose not to have kids at all. There are so many different combinations of family that I’m confident I’ve left some out and have already alienated a reader or two.
One of the favorite topics of debate is what is the ideal family? People say things like:
“Why would someone only have one kid?”
“What’s wrong with that Duggar lady and why does she keep having babies?”
“(Fill in the blank) kids? Wow. You must be really busy!”
“You breeders really think you’re something, don’t you? Quit bringing your spawn to restaurants and on airplanes.”
“Birth control is a sin.”
“Natural family planning is crazy.”
The one thing I know is that every family is different. There comes a time when you have to make a decision. Have kids or not. Plan for it or let nature do its thing. If you decide to have kids, how many? I don’t like the phrase “start a family.” A couple without children is as much a family as one with one kid or nine kids.
I always wanted two kids: a boy and a girl. I would have the girl first, and the boy second. Just like my younger brother and me. Oh, and 20 months apart. Perfect. Also, I would have them both before I was 30. Well some of those things happened, and some didn’t. Even though not everything went as planned, everything turned out just right. We are happy with our two, but is our family complete? Here are some contributing factors to help us decide.
- If we have another baby, my mom, mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law will all get off my back about having more kids. The same goes for my friends with more than two children. Of course they all think I shouldn’t stop reproducing just yet. On the other hand, one more baby won’t stop the family members. If I have three, they’ll insist on four. Besides, I kind of like the pressure. Their arguments are full of how great of a mom I am and how wonderful our kids are, and my friends’ pleas are really just them begging me to join their club. Popular much?
- If we’re done having kids, we can get rid of all of the baby stuff. I get as giddy about getting rid of my kids’ things as I do receiving kid stuff. Because of that feeling, most of our baby stuff is gone, but we still have toddler silverware and cups, potty seats, and baby toys. I’ll keep the booster seat and Pack n Play for my friends that come over who won’t stop having babies. You know who you are.
- If we have another baby, I don’t have to go back to work full-time. I have to admit, this is a very compelling argument. I see you, ladies with your youngest heading off to kindergarten and a swollen pregnant belly. I see you, and I nod in support.
- If we’re done having kids, I can go back to work full-time. A second income would be welcome, as my wardrobe and retirement account have been sad and forgotten the past few years. Also, I never love my kids more than when I’m at work.
- If I have another baby, I can wear maternity pants again. My belly loves elastic waistbands more than chocolate. Sweet, sweet, giving elastic. Also, after being pregnant or nursing for the better part of three years, my boobs look like fried eggs, and I would really like to have my milk bags back.
- If I’m done having kids, I can rest easy knowing my nights will be full of sleeping and not of tending to crying children. At least until high school, when they’ll be out late, and I’ll be awake crying over the stupid teenage things I’m sure they’ll be doing.
- If I have another baby, I’ll buy myself a few more years until all of my kids prefer their friends over me. Right now, they still think I’m cool. They like hanging out with me. Without a third baby, I’ll be obsolete by the next presidential administration.
- If I’m done having kids, I don’t need to worry about reining in the bounty of small pieces that litter our house. Legos need to be off the floor to protect my delicate feet, but they don’t need to be locked up to protect Little Number Three.
- If we want more kids we should get to it. My husband’s insurance is kick ass, and having a baby right now would cost us zero dollars. Also, I am already considered of “advanced maternal age” and my old eggs won’t be fresh for too much longer.
- If I have another baby, I’ll have to be pregnant again. Months of vomiting, aversions to something delicious, no booze, disgusting body disappointments, and at the end, my undercarriage violated in unspeakable ways to get that baby out.
Amy and her husband made two kids, a four year old girl and a six year old boy. She does not consider herself a housewife, as she owns no pearls and only one apron. You can find Amy laughing at the absurdity of parenting on Facebook and Twitter, and pinning things she’ll never do on Pinterest. She writes embarrassing stories about herself and her family at Funny is Family.
OMG those questions and your reasons for and against are valid. Dino is an only…not by choice, but now I realize it was the best thing for all of us. Sure it gets lonely for Dino and I will always wish I had another baby to cuddle and love. Then I realize that I Dino is potty trained and life is easier getting out of the house and going trips. This is our last year of daycare…and more money for saving.
No more daycare costs? You’ll be rich next year!
That is hysterical! No more for me…my youngest is a tween…I couldn’t even fathom starting again at my age! Although it does keep you young….
The older my kids get, the further away this possibility seems, mostly because of the Lego situation around here. 😉
You are so right, though. Having small children does keep you young!
Oh the struggle!!! Luckily for me, I was surprised with twins on my first go-around and I’m just not willing to gamble I won’t have a SECOND set. If I did, I would be dead or in a mental hospital so my list is really just that simple!
And, I love the line “I never love my kids more then when I’m at work!” I sometimes dream about having a full-time job so I can feel that love!!
Thanks for the morning laugh!!!
My part-time job keeps me away from the kids just long enough to miss them fondly.
Twins right out of the gate, huh? That IS a surprise! Thanks for reading, and especially for laughing!
No more for me either. Having two 16 months apart cured me and as much as I love them I don’t have the energy for #3. Plus I was hospitalized and on bed-rest for my second being a high risk pregnancy and truly don’t want to go through that concern or all the fear I had again. But loved your reasoning here and very funny your pros and cons list!!
Thanks, Janine! High risk pregnancies add an extra layer of concern, that’s for sure.
Thanks for having me! You know how much I love it here!
So true! Fried eggs, hilarious! We decided to try for a boy for #3 and lucked out, then didn’t decide we were done and lucked out again with another boy when I was 40! Now I feel complete with 2 and 2, but I think I will always miss having a baby.
Babies are magical. That’s how they rope us in! 🙂
I love Amy and I love you, so this is a winning duo! I also like your logic, Amy. Cool if i just print it out and thrust it in the face of anyone who asks me the dreaded question about having more kids? Your words cover it all so well!
Please do! Unless it’s the grandparents. I don’t want them blaming me for shutting down your grandkid factory.
Jeez, you make some compelling arguments, Amy. I’m simultaneously glad I only have one, and questioning my choice…
Pregnancy is a love-hate relationship, for me anyways. There are so many good things and then some scary thoughts come about, and then the good ones come back and so forth.
But, I will admit, after this post, I totally have baby fever.
I just spent a week sniffing the head of my two-week-old nephew and my twelve-week-old niece. I totally feel your baby fever.
Every family comes to this decision one way or the other. We decided on just two (we had a boy and girl- lucky us) because we factored in the ‘COST’. That’s right- I said it. I think that is as viable a factor as any other. If someone doesn’t agree I just ask them to talk to me in 18 years.
Cost! Yes. My small children are already eating me out of house and home. Also, they break all the things. I never have to buy clothes, though. We get tons of hand-me-downs.
We’re currently in the “are we one and done?” discussion. I love the idea of having 2, when they’re, say, 2 and 5. But the pregnancy and first year of sleep deprivation scares the crap out of me!!!!! But then I think, “what the heck will I do when she goes to school?” and I’m tempted to prick holes in the trojans. 🙂
Even though my youngest is a teen now, I was getting weird “I wanna baby” feelings. Turns out that women starting menopause can get these vibes because the body knows it’s the last chance. WTF? But now my oldest (24) just had her baby and I can totally satisfy that longing without leaking on my shirt. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Good luck with your decision.
This is exactly where we are in life right now too! It’s such a tough decision to make. If we stop at 2, will I always regret not having 3? Best of luck with your decision!
This is a great list, and I considered ALL of that stuff when we had each of our four bajillion kids.
We are D-U-N done. I cannot WAIT to get these kids out of diapers and I really hope that happens before I’m in the retirement home.