I’ve been known to throw a thing or two when I’m angry.
There, I said it.
I also use curse words to express said anger.
Whew, that feels better.
When a couple of loose sperm deemed me responsible for two small humans who’ve since renamed me “Mom,” I thought it best to try and curb my ‘tude lest they (the humans, not the sperm) begin emulating my anger management skills, or lack thereof.
I’m not saying I was destroying property or dropping eff bombs day in and day out, but I recognized my kids’ growling and grunting as a sign that there may have been a poop to be had, but also this: the way I react to life’s challenges is the way they will learn to react. Guess who makes weird guttural noises when she’s frustrated…
Unfortunately for everyone, my husband is the chiller of our dynamic duo, but he doesn’t get near the amount of face-time as I do with the kids. So, I generally blame myself when the boy yells DAMMIT or the girl fires a shoe across the room.
Mommy guilt blows.
I took it upon myself to self-medicate. No, not with the leftover Vicodin from my c-section; with patience. You can read about my Lenten Appeal here.
I gotta tell ya, pals, it’s been WORKING! Let me clarify: I still react with sarcasm and/or anger in certain situations, but I have become acutely aware of my physical and verbal reactions, and have worked really hard at maintaining a sense of calm in the face of a bossy three-year-old and his clingy counterpart. I’m pretty proud of myself, too, because this mental grind is no joke. It’s so much easier to just throw my hands up and yell FUCK IT (<—- I think that’s my first official eff bomb on my blog. You’re witnessing history. You’re welcome.), than to breathe in, and take a second to analyze the situation for what it is: a fleeting moment of irritation that, when gone, is forgotten as well. I kept telling myself:
My kids will be better for it.
My husband will be better for it.
My blood pressure will be better for it.
Now, I’m a passionate person by nature. That doesn’t mean I’m all sexified; it means I’m crazy. Ask the peoples on my block (I’m listening to “No Diggity” courtesy of Spotify, please excuse the colloquialism), my happiness is genuine, but so is my oh-no-you-di’int’ness.
Life is too short to be mean.
That’s why I’ve no room in my overflowing heart for intolerance or hatred or downright mean-spirited people. This includes, but is not limited to, my priest who pretty much lost all of my respect last week, those who stand in the way of another’s happiness or right to marry, blogholes, jerkoffs who can’t use a turn signal, and anyone who hurts a child. The spectrum is broad, people.
Interaction with the aforementioned may still elicit boiling blood and/or a blown proverbial top, but because of my conscious decision to harness the good and block the bad (thank you, Happy Gilmore), this Lent has been a success.
To all of you non-Catholics: Lent isn’t over until Easter Sunday, so there is more than enough time for me to break a window or get arrested.
Michael Barone says
I can confirm that you are indeed a whack-job. Takes one to know one.
I don’t believe I used the term whack-job. And now people are going to think I’m certifiably crazy! Take it back!
Mary Catherine says
Woman, I love you and your blog! Can you pass some of your patience-learning my way please?? 🙂 Loved reading this and hoping some of it rubs off on me. And I have bail money should you need it in the next few days. 😉
Mary Catherine, you just made my whole week with that comment. I’m hugging you. Can you feel it? It’s creepy, huh? I just backed off. You’re safe.
Jill Pinnella Corso says
Awesome Happy Gilmore quote! So random, I just watched that movie last night for the first time in years. It holds up.
Proud of you for working on your patience! Although nothing beats a good cursing rant once in awhile.
Late to the Annie Hall and Happy Gilmore viewings, are we? 🙂 Thanks for reading and for commenting–you’re awesome, Jill!
Janine Huldie says
Lol, Stephanie!! You only have a few more days of Lent and god how I give you credit for taking this route for 40 day/40 nights, because seriously not sure anything could help my crazy outbursts!! 🙂
I’m so glad to hear I’m not alone in my crazy outbursts, though!! Hahaha!!
Good for you! I seriously need to work on this, especially after our trip. It did NOT go well in terms of yelling and losing. No it did not. You can be my patience guru 😉
It’s not easy. I have warned you.
Have wine and/or a favorite TV show ready each night; for when you tuck in the wee ones, you will need it!
Chris Carter says
Oh man am I impressed with this sacrificial tormenting pursuit!!!! I SO SO SO need to do this too… is passionate people need to reel it in when we hit the other side of the emotional rainbow, don’t we?! I just love how you write. Oh but let me ask you something… would your hubs be a good witness to this “new you”??? Perhaps you can quote a few statements of evidence in your follow up “I MADE IT” post!!! You are gonna have a seriously happy Easter, my friend! (No egg throwing allowed)
I love the idea of my husband bearing witness to my Lenten promise! GREAT idea, Chris! I also love that you freaked out at your “is passionate” snafu; we’re meant to be 🙂
Chris Carter says
Typo-us. US passionate people. DAMMIT @#$%!#@$!!!!!!!!! Ahem. Excuse me…
I am normally the the laid back, cool as a cucumber type but strangely enough I nearly lost my top this past weekend when I heard the kids argue for the 75th time over if they were going to watch Eloise or Rugrats. I went on a foot stomping crazy rant and threatened to pick up the tv and throw it in the garbage. I came to my senses thankfully when I realized that it was too big for me to pick up by myself plus we don’t have the dough to replace it right now and I really wanted to finish my Weeds marathon later that night….Spring needs to get here very quick before I really lose my mind!
Hahaha! Isn’t that always the case: we get so fired up, make these empty promises (“I will turn this car around and we will go home”…as we’re on our way to vacation), and then look like dummies! At least you’re cool-headed enough to realize the Weeds marathon trumped whatever discipline was necessary 😉
Preach it, Steph! Life IS too short to be mean. We ALL have our moments but we don’t have live in that place. What you said about our children mimicking their parent’s behavior was really convicting. I’m definitely the more demonstrative parent when it comes to losing one’s cool. So, naturally, I have to reel myself back in more often than my hubs. He’s definitely the “cool as a cucumber” type!
I need you in my life, Anka, because you say the things I think so much classier than I do: the more demonstrative parent. YES. And I used the F word 😉
The Sadder But Wiser Girl says
Passive aggressive me doesn’t have temper tantrums. Maybe I should have given up passive aggressiveness for Lent?
Passive aggressive may work with kids, though. Hmmm… 😉
Moms Rants and Comfy Pants says
No Diggity – LOVE it!!!!! I even like the Pitch Perfect version, but I digress. The fact that you do, in fact, lose it sometimes just means that you’re human. But the fact that you want to find “alternate” ways to express said anger is a testament to how seriously you view your role as your kids’ mom. OK, seriously I don’t know WHERE the hell that lawyer jargon came from but you feel me right? I’ve been known to throw a thing or two (or 6 or 12) and let some Italian hand gestures fly (can thank my mom for that), but I thought afterward…what a great way to model apologies and teach forgiveness. How will the kids learn to forgive if I don’t GIVE them someone to forgive? It’s all in how you spin it babe!!
Love, love, love you and the blog you rode in on!
Exactly, Penny! We need to be the ones the kids want to forgive, not the ones they run from when the poo hits the fan. I certainly don’t want to be “that parent” whose kid doesn’t tell her anything because he’s afraid of the reaction. I need to reel it in, big time!
Thanks for reading!
I’ve learned that patience is simply biting my tongue. It’s painful and stupid and not nearly as funny as the sarcastic and dramatic over-the-top thing I was about to say, but like you said, it’s necessary. bravo girl. Or dare I say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? All joking aside, it ain’t easy be patient. I think that’s why the saying is “he has the patience of a saint” it means a whole hell of a lot more than “she has the pateince of a mother” would ever have;)
Easter blessings to you,
Great point about “the patience of a mother.” That would just be misleading like the phrase, “I sleep like a baby…”
Happy Easter to you and yours, too!
jumpin'jack flash says
After giving up all sweets (cakes, candies, cookies, pies, ice cream, candy, donuts, etc.) during the lenten season for the 4th consecutive year, you have inspired me to add something to the mix next year. I will still give up the sweets…it is a good test of will power and self sacrifice, but making an improvment to one’s overall character/behavior and try to impact those around you in a more positive way seems to be a good approach to lent and what being a Christian is really all about. Have a nice day.
I’ve inspired you?! That at least earns me a backrub, right?!
Julie DeNeen says
Ya know, I didn’t give up anything for Lent. And if I had, it certainly wouldn’t be curbing my mouth because I think I would need a barrel of monkeys and an army of soldiers to keep me in line. Patience and modesty are not my strong suits. Then again, neither is my ability to resist sweets 😛 Good for you though! Pass some on to me!
Dare I say this was easier than forgoing chocolate?! Shhh!! Don’t tell Jesus 😉
Thanks for the informative post!
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