Happy post-long weekend, pals! Are you ready to start your week off with a bang by punching your computer in the face?! Me, too. That’s why I thought a little dose of Oversharing could help us cope with the realization that summer is coming to an end and the next long weekend is, like, forever away. *Sob* Ellen, AKA: Bad Word Mama, is here to ease us back into responsibility. All’s I’m sayin’ is thank the Maker the kids are back in school because today’s story is for adults only. Except adults like my Dad. Daddy, you’re gonna wanna go ahead and continue that game of Solitaire. Nothing here for you today. First-time sex, vagina, blood. See? Now go away.
The rest of you–please stay!! Just know that you have been warned.
Women dream. We dream about everything little damn thing. That also includes what our first sexual experience will be like. It has to be perfect and romantic. We want to remember it for the rest of our lives.
Well, let me share my first time story with you. It was definitely something I will never forget!
I was 14 years old and I had my very first boyfriend who I was deeply in love with. I will call him…. Sean. We had been messing around a lot making out, above the clothes kind of stuff. Nothing too serious. But, I knew I wanted to take it further, but I was too embarrassed to tell him. (that should have been my first clue that I wasn’t ready, besides the fact that I was only 14 freaking years old!)
I remember it was a cold January evening, my parents went out to dinner or something to celebrate a birthday.
It was a perfect time to have a little party at my house, I invited my boyfriend and a few friends over. I supplied the beer, well my Dad did without knowing.
I knew that tonight would be the night, I would be giving my pretty little flower to the love of my life.
I had a few beers and kind of pretended I was drunker that I really was. I somehow let Sean know that I was roaring to go.
He picked me up and carried me to my bedroom…ahh it was so romantic.
Sean gently laid me on my bed I quickly got under the covers and undressed. He ripped his clothes off so fast, it was all such a blur. I reminded him to shut the lights off.
I remember being so nervous, wondering if I would feel like a different person afterward. I would officially be a woman!
Between the heavy breathing in my ear and the inner monologue I was having with myself about how this did not feel as good as the girls said it would. I was ready for it to be over, thank god he didn’t take too long.
For some reason, he pulled the covers over his head and started to move his head down to my private parts. I remember I was in complete shock and utterly confused as to why he was on his way down there. Back then I had no freaking clue what oral sex was.
Okay, to be honest I thought it was to talk during sex.
I got the courage up to tell Sean that I was feeling weird down there and I wanted to be done.
Thankfully, he didn’t push me into it and he pulled the covers off and I guess it wasn’t dark enough he started to scream.
“Holy Shit, Ellen are you okay? Holy shit! Someone help her, I think I killed her!” Sean screamed at the top of his lungs.
I sat up wondering how he thought I was dead. I was sitting up. What the hell is wrong with him?
One of Sean’s friends busted through the door and turned on the light.
“Holy shit, I think I killed her, there’s blood on my dick,” Sean said with his New York accent.
I looked under the covers where I noticed that there was a huge puddle of blood in my bed.
I kicked the boys out of my room and told them to call one of my friends in my room. After a little conversation with my girlfriend, I realized that I had started my period. I was so embarrassed and heard that Sean was so freaked out that he left.
Telling you that story really isn’t that embarrassing to me, but what happened next, well I’m going to be blushing while I typed.
I went into the bathroom and took a shower, when I got out I picked up a tampon and proceeded to, well you know, I got my period.
I inserted it and then all of a sudden, I looked back down, and it fell out!
What the hell!!
I was changed, I was a different person and now tampons didn’t fit me! What was I thinking! I cried and cried.
Well, I eventually stopped crying after I told my friend and she gave me a super sized, new woman tampon. I never told Sean about that, he already thought he killed me.
I look back now, wondering why in the hell I has sex so young! My parents never had the “talk” with me about sex, so I had no clue what I was getting into. I will be having that “talk” with my daughter when the time is right. I may even tell her this story, maybe it will scare her so bad that she won’t do it until she is 35!
Hi, my name is Ellen but most of you know me as Bad Word Mama. I am a mother of 2 snot-slingers who make me laugh and want to pull my hair out at the same time. I have always loved to make people laugh at any expense. There really isn’t anything better than laughing. You can definitely tell I love to laugh from the large laugh lines that are permanently on my face.