I love being pregnant. My husband says I’m more pleasant when with child, which is basically a veiled insult, but I’ll take it. People always ask me what it is about being knocked up that I enjoy so much. Sure, there are some aches and pains, especially toward the end (at least for me), and my third pregnancy wasn’t always kind: blinding, vomit-inducing migraines in the beginning, an acrobatic fetus tap dancing on my sciatic nerve in the middle, and then, at almost 35-weeks, I considered suggesting “The Pregnant Limp” as an Olympic sport because JAYSUS is it hard to walk.
Considering all that, it still didn’t take me long to come up with a list of the reasons why I generally enjoy being pregnant.
1. I’m never alone. I can talk to my belly and people think it’s cute as opposed to psychotic like when they catch me talking to my grocery list in the cereal aisle.
2. When I cannot stop shoveling food into my face, there is no judgement; everyone is all, “You’re eating for two!” Yep. Now pass the cookies or someone is losing a finger.
3. My huge belly makes my huge ass look that much smaller.
4. If I’m at my preschooler’s soccer game, I don’t have to fake enthusiasm for grass picking and butterfly chasing. Chalk my ill-timed giggles and incessant yawing up to first trimester exhaustion and I’m still Mother of the Year.
5. Two words: pregnancy cleavage.
6. I’ve yet to find a more convenient spot for resting my bowl of snacks than on the fetus table. No strenuous reaching necessary and the bowl-to-mouth distance is optimal for catching crumbs.
8. My hair looks extra shiny. Because I can’t stop sweating.
9. I forget EVERYTHING. Dates, names, a work meeting I may or may not have napped through… But one mention of Pregnancy Brain and no one calls me on the carpet for being “irresponsible.” I’m simply that absent-minded Mommy. #score
10. Adorable belly shots. I can’t get enough.
And one to grow on…
11. At the end of this crazy, final ride, I will have another tiny human who calls me Mom and relies on me for everything. It will inspire me to love more, laugh more, and lose my ever-loving mind. And I truly can’t wait.