Second Place is the First Loser.

I’ve always been the type to laugh at inappropriate times. I don’t mean to be disrespectful; it’s just how I handle tense situations. I try to make jokes when I’m nervous, and that, coupled with what my grandmother dubbed as “mouthiness,” has embarrassed me more times than I can count. One would think I would learn from past mistakes, but I honestly believe a sense of humor can be a life saver, and sooner or later, I will figure out how to use it in a way that is useful rather than makes me look like an a-hole.

When I became a parent, I found that there weren’t many others like me. I was the only one at the park giggling when my kid tripped (you know it’s hilarious), and I always felt alone when I longed for the pre-baby days (and jeans) because a “good mother” never wishes away the days with her little ones. I read books about how to identify my baby’s needs by dissecting his cries, and two babies later have yet to figure that shit out. Sometimes I’m quick to anger, short on patience, and don’t appreciate every second of every day. I’m not perfect. And I don’t pretend to be.

I never felt inadequate, though; I’m a good mother. I love my kids something fierce, and I’ve willingly rearranged my career and my boobs for them. While there are certainly days that I’m like WHAT THE BLOODY HELL AM I DOING?! I do think I’m doing a good job.

That’s why I love the Scary Mommy books so much. Jill put my thoughts into print without ever having spoken to me, and that’s when I realized there must be more Mommies like me. THANK GOD.

Parenting is not about perfection. It’s about honesty.

It’s not about competition. It’s about community.

It’s not about guilt. It’s about laughter.

So you can understand why I am so excited to have been featured on Scary Mommy’s website, to have collaborated with her in a giveaway for you, my fantastic readers, and why I want need to bring her to my hometown. I’ve bothered you about this once already, but the competition just got heated, and I need you now more than ever. As you may recall, Scary Mommy is holding a photo contest to determine the last stop of her book tour. My entry is the adorable blonde kid on the potty, and it had been in first place…until…

Another woman had the audacity to take the lead!

Will you help me win?!


You can vote by clicking HERE once a day until May 12th!

You can share this link on your Facebook page, tweet it to your Twitter pals, or even email it to your friends and beg them to vote.

If you don’t have a Facebook account, you’re off the hook. But I would so appreciate you spreading the word in any way that you can.

I hate asking for favors and rarely beg for votes, but THIS is too good to pass up! Thanks for anything you can do, pals!

Now if you’ll excuse me, my kids are hitting each other with vacuum attachments vying for my attention. See what I mean? I’m a GREAT mother!



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  1. I voted! And I don’t mean to be bitchy (mostly) but I can’t even figure out how the other woman ever had the lead. Her picture is ok, but yours is in a league of its own.

    • Haha!! I kinda felt the same way, but then again she’s probably pulling out the big guns and begging for votes like I am… ;)

      THANK YOU for your vote, Mama! Now, when you get time, please put together a tutorial for folding fitted sheets. I’m about to lose my mind with these friggin’ things!

  2. I’m one of those people too-I make jokes and laugh at what would be considered “inappropriate” times. I wish we lived closer to each other! :-D

    I’ve been voting my lil heart out for ya! XO!

  3. Okay- just seeing this now. VOTING and SHARING!!! :)

  4. Voted. And Julia is VERY upset with seeing Brady on the potty! She was mortified. Lol.

  5. I also laugh at inappropriate times and am mouthy- could have written that whole thing! Well, up until the photo/begging part. But it worked and I’m off to vote!

  6. And hey, looks like you’re back in the lead- begging works!

  7. From one inappropriate laugher to another…clink, clink! I voted and you were 2 ahead! That is way too close! I’ll be voting for you every chance I get!!!

  8. I also make jokes when I’m “not supposed” to. If I don’t tell it, then my face turns red and looks like I”m gonna blow up. So basically, it’s physical. If i don’t get my sarcastic comment out of the way then there will be a big mes.. BTW.. voted for your pic.


    • HA! It’s like verbal diarrhea; it’s comin’ out whether you’re ready or not!

      THANK YOU for your vote! I commend second place for giving me a run for my money, but I kinda want to punch her in the forehead.

  9. Steph, this is the ONE time I wish I had a Facebook account. I tried clicking the link last week, but it required a log-in account. Still, I know that your peeps will come together and get the necessary votes cast. Meanwhile, I’ll be rooting for ya from the sidelines. :)

  10. Keep reminding me and I’ll keep voting!!!! We will help you win this!!!


    • You’ve been incredible through this entire contest, Dani, thank you! 6 more days to go and then I can relax…and leave everyone the hell alone :)

  11. Lisa Mayers says:

    I’m the one in second place in your contest. Jill and I went to college together. I’m sorry to hear that you want to punch me in the forehead. That’s not very nice. I hope that you enjoy the evening with Jill. She’s super awesome and I’m sure you guys will have a great time. It’s been real.

    • Don’t feel bad; I want to punch my husband in the forehead on a daily basis. You got to go to college with Jill?! Amazing! I just wanna meet her and sniff her hair. I mean, have her sign my book. The contest isn’t over, though–you’re pulling big numbers and making me nervous. If the boy on the potty does win, and you’re local to Pittsburgh (or looking to travel!), please join us!!!!!!

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