Breaking News: Kimye’s Baby’s Name

My panties are in a bunch today: my son insisted on waking before the sun, and today he took it upon himself to create art work with glitter paint sans my supervision. My hardwood floors look like Ke$ha and Studio 54 had a baby.

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You’ve either been living under a rock or are a real adult if you haven’t heard the news that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, AKA: Kimye, are expecting a baby. Reportedly, the baby is a girl, which means there is no way in hell that poor kid won’t be all kids of effed up  have a first name that starts with the letter “K.” I personally think Kim seeks out men whose first names start with a K as to create the perfect Mommy-Daddy-Baby K Trifecta, but that’s an allegation for another time.

The Kardashian Klan has exhausted a lot of the K-names since Mama Kris has been popping out kids since the late 70’s, so it may prove difficult to come up with something fitting for Kimye’s spawn. That’s why I’ve decided to lend a hand.



Kitty. Because we wouldn’t even know Kim existed had she not made a special movie featuring her kitty…

Kash. Because that’s what Kim was paid for making her special movie.

Kristmas. Kim’s middle name is Noel so this is just an educated guess on my part. I realize the fact that I even know this makes me pathetic.

Kato Kaelin. Just to keep the past alive.

Klondike. An attractive mix of chocolate and vanilla, not to mention one of the countless ways Mr. West insults women in his “music.”

Kryptonite. Fatherly responsibility is to Kanye what radioactive material is to Superman. I hope I’m wrong for the sake of little Kryptonite, but I’m not.

Kustody. This doesn’t really merit an explanation, does it?

If you have brain cells to waste, feel free to leave additional suggestions in the comments!




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  1. Daily Dose of Damn! says:

    Kvetch – because I have a feeling when this baby realizes who her parents are, she’s gonna complain. A LOT!

    I’m so sorry about your hardwood floors! (I thought you meant it was jus ta little spillage) I’m sending some good ju-ju your way. xo

    • Ooooh! Nice one! And I agree! This child’s first words are going to be: “DAMNNNNNN!”

      No worries about the floors–nothing some elbow grease and few curse words couldn’t clean up ;)

  2. motherhoodisanart says:

    My vote is for Karibbean…..Inevitably this is where the baby will be spending it’s 1st birthday and it will be televised for the whole world to see!

  3. Jill Pinnella Corso says:

    You nailed it. I vote for Klondike because I rock that jam.

  4. Dani Ryan says:

    OMG. This is freaking hilarious! I loved KASH and KUSTODY. Too funny.

    Sorry to hear about the glitter. Yikes!

  5. Carolina@mommymassacre says:

    Kiwi?? Or is that trend of naming your kids after fruit done?
    Kascade…I don’t know why but I see large hoops with that name on em.

    (I was thinking of this at work and why the “name” Klitter came into mind is beyond me…I think it’s cause of your glitter disaster)

  6. menopausalmother says:

    Good God woman you are too damn funny. I can’t stand Kardashians or Kanye so this gave me a particularly evil joy to read. So many “k” names to choose from–Kale, Kotex, Krazy, Kumquat…..but honestly, the line that had me laughing the hardest was the glitter combo of Kesha & Studio 54 mix. Just. Brilliant.

    • Confession: I used the Kesha Studio 54 line on FB and couldn’t help myself but to use it again in the post!! I was pretty proud of it ;) THANK YOU!

  7. OMG…sorry about the glitter (Klitter) mess/day! :)

    Kockamamie? :)

  8. nothingbythebook says:

    Oh, Klitter. It has to be Klitter. Klit for short. (Up at 5:30 a.m. here too, btw, courtesy of 3 y o. Something’s in retrograde. Or the universe just hates us.)

  9. Kashmere is my vote. Even hypothetically it is a train wreck. Ick.

  10. Chris Carter says:

    TOO funny!! Perhaps…KillJOY? ;)
    Stopping by from the Finding the Funny Link up…

  11. Freaking glitter. Hate it. It is relegated to the yard in my house. If either of my boys wants to be a Club Kid they can do it on their own time;)

    As for K names… How about Kristmas since that’s the only holiday this baby will spend with both parents as they will clearly not be together for the long haul.

  12. Jumpin' Jack Flash says:

    Kilimanjaro: This baby will be high all the time. Or, it is going to be quite a tough climb for this kid.

  13. Meredith says:

    Oh my gosh! “My hardwood floors look like Ke$ha and Studio 54 had a baby”–so, you’re basically just perfect then, huh? Brilliant genius. You must submit this post to Star magazine now!

  14. I’m going with Kaching! Since you KNOW they will be whoring this whole thing out to the max.

  15. Well, you already know my selection… I hope little Katastrophe gives them three more seasons of reality tv! ‘Cause, you know, that’s what’s important here.

    • I love that you played along!! Yours is my favorite guess so far, too! Thanks for stopping in, RachRiot–you’re kind of a big deal and now you’re on my blog.

      Mind. Blown.

  16. My vote is for Kanada or Kwebec because that’s where Kanye’s new girlfriend/future baby mama is from!

    • SHUT UP!! He’s already dating someone else?! Do I live under a rock? WTF? Why don’t I know these things???

      • Yeah girl! It’s all over the most reputable newspapers (i.e. People, Star, and US Weekly). She’s some Canadian model and she’s spilling the beans! She reports that he said the relationship was only for “business.” Ha! Sorry Kimye. You’re just as legit as K Stew + R Patt.

  17. This is freaking awesome! I got here from your comment on RachRiot’s post :P Sorry about your floors! My favorite saying ever: Glitter is like the herpes of craft supplies. Once it’s on you (or your house), you can’t get rid of it!

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