I’m kinda cheating today, pals. You know my goal is to write something every day in the month of March, and in keeping with BlogHer’s theme of risk, I’m limiting myself to only 15 minutes of written spewage. But because I’m in not in a good place today, I’m afraid anything new I were to write would be laden with negativity and bitterness. Just to give you a snippet of why my panties are in a twist today: my son insists on waking before the sun, and today he took it upon himself to create art work with glitter paint sans my supervision. My hardwood floors look like Ke$ha and Studio 54 had a baby.
On that sour note, I’ve been drafting ideas for this post for a few days, and that’s why it may be cheating. So, sue me.
You’ve either been living under a rock or are a real adult if you haven’t heard the news that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, AKA: Kimye, are expecting a baby. Reportedly, the baby is a girl which means there is no way in hell that poor kid won’t be all kids of effed up have a first name that starts with the letter “K.” I personally think Kim seeks out men whose first names start with a K as to create the perfect Mommy-Daddy-Baby K Trifecta, but that’s an allegation for another time.
The Kardashian Klan has exhausted a lot of the K-names since Mama Kris has been popping out kids since the late 70′s, so it may prove a bit difficult to come up with something fitting for Kimye’s spawn. That’s why I’ve decided to lend a hand.
Kitty. Because we wouldn’t even know Kim existed if she hadn’t made a special movie featuring her kitty…
Kash. Because that’s what Kim was paid for making her special movie.
Kristmas. Kim’s middle name is Noel so this is just an educated guess on my part. And yes, I realize that the fact that I even know this makes me pathetic.
Kato Kaelin. What a blast from the past, eh?!
Klondike. An attractive mix of chocolate and vanilla, not to mention one of the countless ways Mr. West insults women in his “music.”
Kate. No, that would never work. Too simple. Too classy.
Kryptonite. Much like the sunlight to his constantly sunglassed eyes, I look for fatherly responsibilities and explosive infant poops to repulse Kanye. I hope I’m wrong for the sake of little Kryptonite, but I’m not.
Kustody. This doesn’t really merit an explanation, does it?!
Time’s up! If you have brain cells to waste, feel free to leave additional name suggestions in the comments!
Kvetch – because I have a feeling when this baby realizes who her parents are, she’s gonna complain. A LOT!
I’m so sorry about your hardwood floors! (I thought you meant it was jus ta little spillage) I’m sending some good ju-ju your way. xo
Ooooh! Nice one! And I agree! This child’s first words are going to be: “DAMNNNNNN!”
No worries about the floors–nothing some elbow grease and few curse words couldn’t clean up
My vote is for Karibbean…..Inevitably this is where the baby will be spending it’s 1st birthday and it will be televised for the whole world to see!
YES!!! Good call! Because a celebrity baby is nothing if not for her pimped out first birthday party overseas.
You nailed it. I vote for Klondike because I rock that jam.
Klondike was one of my personal favorites, too!
OMG. This is freaking hilarious! I loved KASH and KUSTODY. Too funny.
Sorry to hear about the glitter. Yikes!
This is what happens when I get bored. And the glitter is what happens when my kid gets bored…
Kiwi?? Or is that trend of naming your kids after fruit done?
Kascade…I don’t know why but I see large hoops with that name on em.
(I was thinking of this at work and why the “name” Klitter came into mind is beyond me…I think it’s cause of your glitter disaster)
Klitter is almost dirty, so that could definitely work!!!!
Good God woman you are too damn funny. I can’t stand Kardashians or Kanye so this gave me a particularly evil joy to read. So many “k” names to choose from–Kale, Kotex, Krazy, Kumquat…..but honestly, the line that had me laughing the hardest was the glitter combo of Kesha & Studio 54 mix. Just. Brilliant.
Confession: I used the Kesha Studio 54 line on FB and couldn’t help myself but to use it again in the post!! I was pretty proud of it
THANK YOU!
OMG…sorry about the glitter (Klitter) mess/day!
Kockamamie?
Oh, Klitter. It has to be Klitter. Klit for short. (Up at 5:30 a.m. here too, btw, courtesy of 3 y o. Something’s in retrograde. Or the universe just hates us.)
The universe better do right by us when the time change comes. I’ve had enough! (And Klit for short–absolutely!)
Kashmere is my vote. Even hypothetically it is a train wreck. Ick.
NICE!!!!!!!!
TOO funny!! Perhaps…KillJOY?
Stopping by from the Finding the Funny Link up…
Chris!! Great to have you from Finding the Funny! KillJOY–absolutely!!!!
Freaking glitter. Hate it. It is relegated to the yard in my house. If either of my boys wants to be a Club Kid they can do it on their own time;)
As for K names… How about Kristmas since that’s the only holiday this baby will spend with both parents as they will clearly not be together for the long haul.
Vicky
Kilimanjaro: This baby will be high all the time. Or, it is going to be quite a tough climb for this kid.
I like your second reason better
Oh my gosh! “My hardwood floors look like Ke$ha and Studio 54 had a baby”–so, you’re basically just perfect then, huh? Brilliant genius. You must submit this post to Star magazine now!
I should break the news before anyone else does, huh?!