The night we brought our first-born home from the hospital, I arranged him in a bassinet beside our bed and propped myself up with some pillows, c-section scar searing beneath my PJs. As newborns do, our baby boy woke around 2am, wailing. Because I wasn’t moving as fast as normal, I tapped my husband and asked him to change the baby before I fed him.
Me: Hey, HEY! Are you awake?
Me: Can you get the baby?
Husband: What baby?
I know we were both exhausted, but WTF?! Deep down, I was in awe of my husband. His kind of sound sleep, the kind that makes you forget your own screaming newborn, is pretty impressive.
I shouldn’t have been surprised by my husband’s coma-like slumber that night; this was the man who used to drift off to dream land in bars with live bands playing five feet from his face. When we first started dating, it used to bother me. Was I that boring?! Way to give a girl a complex! Watched a movie with him and he was in his REM cycle before the previews were over. He eventually proposed so I figured it wasn’t me, but began worrying he had some sort of disorder. Then I got my first full-time teaching job and personally experienced his kind of soul-sucking, energy draining exhaustion!
Yet, I still couldn’t sleep like him. The man fell asleep sitting up, lying down. In a quiet room, in a loud room. While having a conversation, in the middle of reading a book, or–my personal favorite–during a Lamaze class.
Note to other dads: when the Lamaze instructor tells us to breathe deeply and relax our muscles, she’s speaking to the pregnant people in the room, mmmkay? She is not suggesting our husbands pass out and begin snoring in the middle of class.
I cannot make this stuff up, you guys.
We just celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary and not much has changed. Not only does my better half still fall asleep in .03 seconds, but he stays asleep all night long, and that’s the part that really makes me envious. There are some mornings he wakes in the exact same position, not having budged an inch as I tossed and turned for three hours. When his feet hit the floor, he’s off. When my feet hit the floor, I’m already yearning for the next time I’ll get to crawl back into bed.
Suffice it to say, if sleeping were an Olympic sport, the man would bring home the gold no questions asked.
I’ve tried everything I’m supposed to for a solid night’s sleep: turning off electronics, refusing to watch FOX News or anything else that’s scary, keeping lights low, designating the bed for sleep and sexy time only, going to bed and waking up consistently at the same time. The list goes on, and so do my sleepless nights. I worry about weight gain and other issues that could crop up over time. Also? I’m friggin’ exhausted 80% of the time and with three small children and a puppy-on-crack husband, I just can’t keep up!
Maybe I don’t need to be my husband to get a good night’s sleep, though. Maybe I should just do what The Sleep Advisor suggests and upgrade our mattress to one of those included on the 10 Best Rated Mattress List. Or maybe I should drink a bottle of wine every night before bed.
What? I’m just brainstorming.
I was compensated to write this post, but I really do need better sleep!