5 Things Moms Should NOT Do After Having a Baby

Unless you’re new ’round these parts (or have purposely been ignoring me because you’re sick of hearing about pregnancy, et. al., in which case, I can’t blame you), you know I’ve just birthed my third adorable bundle of baby. One may think that makes me a “pro parent.” I say Bwahahahahaha to that nonsense! I’ve made mistakes and committed a parenting faux pas or two (or 200) since being inducted into Motherhood in 2009, but I am proud to say I have picked myself up, dusted myself off, and continued digging baby poop out from underneath my fingernails.

Oh, and learned. I’ve learned stuff, too. Namely:





What am I missing? What else shouldn’t Mamas do after they’ve given birth? Ride a horse. That’s a good one. Okay, your turn.

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  1. Jump on a trampoline. You just don’t need the extra laundry. Sneezing is already helping you with that, no need to do anything further.

  2. Ashley Tidwell says:

    Don’t laugh while naked.. No one likes it when it rains inside the bedroom……

  3. Never mention it out loud if your baby sleeps though the night, ever.
    The baby will hear you, and will immediately stop the behavior.

  4. Try to eat while your baby is sleeping. You’ll look over at their previously sleeping form, to see them giving you the side eye like they are going to cut you if you don’t put the food down. And then they will go back to sleep.

  5. It’s NOT chocolate! It’s never chocolate.

  6. Attempt to chase after her other children with no less than three sports bras holding her swollen breasts in place.

  7. This is hilarious Stephanie!! I did the mirror thing the FIRST time and STILL have nightmares from seeing what I claim to be an entire bunch of grapes coming out of my ass. *Shudders*

  8. Lady, you kill me! “Straddle your make-up mirror”?! DYING. xo

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