10 Signs That My Frat Party Days Are Over

Over the weekend, a bunch of 30-somethings intent on reliving our glory days took to a friend’s basement to christen his new bar. We had ourselves a barwarming party, if you will. Don’t judge–it has been a long winter; we deserved it.

Even when I was a freshman in college legal 21-year-old, I couldn’t hold my liquor. I would have a few drinks and giggle myself to sleep. Even so, there were undeniable contrasts between partying like College Crazies of 2000 vs. Tired Parents of 2013. For starters, no one was underage. In fact, some of the guys brought their dads. Seriously, there were grandfathers playing beer pong. They threw at the cups underhand and made a disgrace of the game, but they were so darn cute. 

Some other indications that we can’t hang like we used to…

Frat party days


1. The party started at 4:30 in the afternoon. Hilarious.

2. It didn’t take me 3 hours to get ready (the most time consuming part of dressing  was stuffing myself into Spanx) and I didn’t pre-game. Unless you count Candyland as pre-gaming.

3. My husband wanted to bring chili. CHILI. If this had been 10 years ago, and he told the guys he was bringing a crockpot of beans, they would have banned him or at the very least reminded him of the strict College Criteria: if it can’t get me drunk or laid, it’s not welcome.

4. All of the girls remained fully clothed for the duration of the party.

5. We did do shots, but they consisted of specialty vodka and Godiva liquor, and were served in fresh, hollowed-out strawberries with a dollop of whipped cream on top. Pinkies up, bitches.

6. We had designated drivers.

7. Instead of taking sexy duck face pictures, we showed off pics of our kids.

8. In the first round of flip cup, I flipped the cup the wrong way. Barely anyone even noticed, and a riot didn’t erupt despite the fact that my team won. Flip cup circa college times? Someone would’ve been bloodied.

9. I drunk dialed our babysitter.

10. I wanted to get pregnant after the party.

I was hurtin’ the next day. I had to eat my weight in carbs and wear my sunglasses to regain my equilibrium, but it was worth it.

That said, the next time we receive an invitation to live it up à la college, I will suggest heading to a matinee or staying in to watch House Hunters on HGTV. Go big or go home, that’s my motto.

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  1. I just laughed out loud reading this… So hilarious and I can definitely relate.
    Vicki Dean recently posted…Is Your Pickle a Microphone?My Profile

  2. SMH you are hilarious! 9 and 10 had me cracking up. And as for 5…that sounds yummy!!! LMAO!
    vernette recently posted…Seven Reasons Why I love ScandalMy Profile

  3. This is so funny Steph! I am still friends with many of the people I was 20+ years ago! We don’t all get together as much anymore but when we do…all bets off! We still act like we are about 16! It’s fun but truly for the best that we can’t schedule “nights out” that often. About a month ago we had a dinner party with the kids in tow and we couldn’t stop cracking up that we were at the age to have “dinner parties”!!! We were much more behaved that night!
    motherhoodisanart recently posted…You’re as Funny as an Unflushed ToiletMy Profile

    • Ah yes, the kid-inclusive dinner parties. Another sign that we’re no longer 22 :) Truly, though–I love’em! I love when my friends and all of our kids get together!

  4. OK – number 1. Whats flip cup?
    Number 2 – ‘specialty vodka and Godiva liquor served in fresh, hollowed-out strawberries ‘ – sounds yum. And that is exactly what makes being past the frat days great. 1. We have taste and 2. We can afford to have taste.

    My step-niece just hit 16. She wanted to bring her new boyfriend to our party. We said that was fine, but he had to bring a ‘named brand’ bottle and not dump some cheap turpentine on the side before necking all of my quality vodka! How mean am !!?
    Piper George recently posted…A Chocolate Making ExperienceMy Profile

  5. This. Is. AWESOME! Wonderfully written and full of fabulous hilarity. A bright light in the bleakness if my day! Thank you for the trip down memory lane and the reminder that I was, once, a deviant young adult *cough* as well.

  6. Pinkies up bitches! Loved it. I do drink wine on occasion (no big shocker) but anything more than that and I’m toast. Glad you got to get out!
    Mom Rants and Comfy Pants recently posted…A Nag, Some Sag and a Brown Paper BagMy Profile

  7. At this age that’s only kind of shot I’d be willing to do!

  8. I threw up in my mouth a little just thinking of this!

    But those shots sound HEAVENLY. Don’t forget about them so we remember to make them when we have drinks together!!!
    Dani Ryan recently posted…10 ways I maintain my sanity as a stay-at-home-momMy Profile

  9. jumpin'jack flash says:

    11) No Keg and therefore No Keg Stands
    12) How many Frat parties have “Tommy James and the Shondells” blaring on the sound system?

  10. I’m totally going to make those strawberry shots! I love being a grown-up and not spending half of my life on hangovers. Drunk dialing the babysitter…hilarious!
    Amy recently posted…Crock Pot Thursday: Beef and BroccoliMy Profile

  11. Flip cup? You played flip cup? That’s impressive.

  12. This is one of my favorite posts of yours- EVER! I will now promptly tweet it. Also, I love that the party started at 4:30!
    Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. recently posted…Why I’m Not Ready To Potty-Train My ToddlerMy Profile

  13. Wanna know the #1 difference: It’s a hell of a lot more fun to party now. Seriously, I dont’ care how I look, I’m not trying get a guy, I’m not competing with other girls to get a guy, no noe is going to barf or cry (except maybe me) and we can actually afford to buy alcohol AND still have money left to eat and do laundry for the rest of the month.
    Grown up drinking is waaay better than college drinking!
    Vicky recently posted…Domo arigato, Mr. RobotoMy Profile

    • True story, Vicky! Although I did crave a 99 cent burrito from Taco Bell after my foray into the adult college drinking party, but it was nice to have the option with a few extra bucks in my pocket ;)

  14. Sounds like a fun party! I must confess, I still take flip cup really seriously.
    Jill Pinnella Corso recently posted…Breaking News: Fruits & Vegetables Are Good For YouMy Profile

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