Over the weekend, a bunch of 30-somethings intent on reliving our glory days took to a friend’s basement to christen his new bar. We had ourselves a barwarming party, if you will. Don’t judge–it has been a long winter; we deserved it.
Even when I was a
freshman in college legal 21-year-old, I couldn’t hold my liquor. I would have a few drinks and giggle myself to sleep. Even so, there were undeniable contrasts between partying like College Crazies of 2000 vs. Tired Parents of 2013. For starters, no one was underage. In fact, some of the guys brought their dads. Seriously, there were grandfathers playing beer pong. They threw at the cups underhand and made a disgrace of the game, but they were so darn cute.
Some other indications that we can’t hang like we used to…
1. The party started at 4:30 in the afternoon. Hilarious.
2. It didn’t take me 3 hours to get ready (the most time consuming part of dressing was stuffing myself into Spanx) and I didn’t pre-game. Unless you count Candyland as pre-gaming.
3. My husband wanted to bring chili. CHILI. If this had been 10 years ago, and he told the guys he was bringing a crockpot of beans, they would have banned him or at the very least reminded him of the strict College Criteria: if it can’t get me drunk or laid, it’s not welcome.
4. All of the girls remained fully clothed for the duration of the party.
5. We did do shots, but they consisted of specialty vodka and Godiva liquor, and were served in fresh, hollowed-out strawberries with a dollop of whipped cream on top. Pinkies up, bitches.
6. We had designated drivers.
7. Instead of taking sexy duck face pictures, we showed off pics of our kids.
8. In the first round of flip cup, I flipped the cup the wrong way. Barely anyone even noticed, and a riot didn’t erupt despite the fact that my team won. Flip cup circa college times? Someone would’ve been bloodied.
9. I drunk dialed our babysitter.
10. I wanted to get pregnant after the party.
I was hurtin’ the next day. I had to eat my weight in carbs and wear my sunglasses to regain my equilibrium, but it was worth it.
That said, the next time we receive an invitation to live it up à la college, I will suggest heading to a matinee or staying in to watch House Hunters on HGTV. Go big or go home, that’s my motto.